Something New

I want to get to the above message in a second, but first I want to let you know that today is a little different.

I’m awake at 3:32 am in the morning, not because of worry. I’m awake because of optimistic scatter. This is a good thing because it’s a different feeling than days from the past.

Anyway, what is optimistic scatter? This is a really good question as I absolutely positively made up this concept while writing this all out.

Optimistic scatter is when you have the physical and mental energy to begin working on the creative ideas rambling around in your head, however, you don’t know where to start. Thus, keeping you in absolute limbo.

I have the camera in front of me, I’ve cleaned my room, I’ve planned my week and yet, my brain is a scatter of thoughts after thoughts knowing I have to start and finish at least something before the morning ends.

But where do I begin?

This is why I’m writing right now, because I need a place I know that keeps me grounded. Yes, this place, this place where I write. This place where I feel most familiar, it keeps me in check.

Alright, let’s talk about the message I pasted at the start of this post.

Continue reading “Something New”

Why Am I Doing What I Do…

Number 1

I feel alive when I entertain.

I feel alive when I give.

I feel alive when someone opens up to me.

Does this make sense?

God it’s so early in the morning, I can barely keep my eyes open.

Let me see if I can make sense of these thoughts…

If I can be there for someone physically, help them with what I know, make them laugh, smile, feel enlightened, and / or more importantly, make them learn something significant… I feel as if I’m doing what I’m supposed to do… I feel as if I’m done my job…


Yes, I say “it’s my job” because I believe I have no other choice. This may sound absurd, egotistical, even narcissistic, but I have these stories in my head and experiences that I want to share.

Stories of domestic violence to heartbreak to heists, and other human experiences that can all be told in thoughtful pieces… and I want to tell them in a way that entertains people who hear them.

I’m not going to lie, I often feel alone…

and entertaining and listening to others, is the only way I can fill that void.

Number 2…

Continue reading “Why Am I Doing What I Do…”