Lining Up Your Assets

What are you pursuing? What are you doing to obtain these goals? Are you allocating your time right? Are you working hard in the right direction?

I’m not.

Let me explain

A few hours ago I was having a mental breakdown. It’s because of a collection of things: from producing all the moving parts for a self-made YouTube video, directing such YouTube video, to being the video, and then planning next steps to edit then publish said video… can be quite emotionally draining. And, this was only the first part of my day.

The second part of my day (after my hour nap) was staring at a screen as I tried to figure out how to take 3 hours of footage and squeeze it into an entertaining 15-20 minute YouTube video.

My mind was racing… I thought “if I don’t finish this and if this video doesn’t get views then I won’t amount to anything.” To top it all off, my bank account is slowly dwindling, which stressed me out thinking of the amount of the main hustle I have to do next week…

I broke down.

I cried inside.

I didn’t know what to do…

I didn’t finish the video…

I felt like a failure.

I felt small.

I felt as if I didn’t belong anywhere.

Here I am – supposed to “balance” everything all for the chance of pursuing my dream of becoming an influential personality – and I’m failing. So I called a friend and I’m calm now (well calmer).

This is what we talked about…

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Stop Caring About The People Who Don’t Care About You

A few weeks ago I relapsed and I gambled.

For those who don’t know I have a gambling problem and I made the grave mistake of going to a casino, withdrawing three hundred dollars from the ATM, and blowing it away on poker.

Old habits die hard.

I have this belief that though bad things happen to me all time (car getting stolen, car accidents, getting fired, and the list continues)… the consequences that take place, due to gambling, is a pain that can lead to a word I cannot describe.

How do I put it? Hmmm

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Why Instagram Vlogs Will Rule 2018

I’m going to warn you that I haven’t written in sometime. As a way to get back into the groove of things, I’m going to write about a theory I have when it comes to Instagram. This may not be the best written piece I’ve ever done. There might be grammatical errors, who knows. It’s all about getting back into the groove of things. Here goes nothing…

I believe that 2018 is the year of Instagram.

I understand – Facebook is making a massive push to popularize Facebook watch. However, a successful Facebook watch page comprises of professionally made video content:  we’re talking HD quality, we’re talking about engaging stories where each video lasts more than two minutes and thirty seconds, and we’re talking about pages that can posts these types of videos consistently.

This is the watch’s algorithm: must be followed for your page to be successful. You can see this first hand as Facebook watch has partnered with brands like NFL, reality television syndications, buzzfeed, and other big brands who can create these high-production quality videos consistently.

Therefore, Facebook watch is for the serious video creator who has the resources and team to create these high quality story-esq videos.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with what Facebook is doing. But, if you’re a new creator trying to start out, I really don’t think Facebook watch is a friendly place to upload your content. 2015-2017 was the year for Facebook, but now that Facebook watch’s new algorithm is taking a hold of the reigns…

I’ve come to the conclusion that Instagram will be the place for new creators. It’s the platform of 2018. It is the platform where new creators can obtain a loyal, engaged fan base… fast.

Let me explain.

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High

On my mind because I’m high!

When I tell people I have manic depression and live with PTSD, many think I’m roaming around the world lost, confused, in pain, and of course… depressed.

These feelings do occur. However…

I think they tend to forget about the other component of mania, the component when my serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin levels are spiking with such a surge that when I close my eyes, I can actually see the neurons shooting off in every direction!!

God!

I LOVE THIS FEELING!

It feels as if some ghost like, holy spirit figure is massaging the insides of my brain. It feels as if a five-star masseuse is stroking my head while simultaneously pulling the strands giving a lover’s touch a run for their money.

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Car Accident

I must have pressed the backspace on this keyboard at least 100 times already. Word after word, sentence after sentence, deleted. It’s funny because the wordpress interface is one of my favorite places to write my thoughts and right now, right now I’m having the most difficult time organizing my thoughts to create paragraphs.

I blame it on the car accident. It happened a few weeks ago. I’ll get into it in a few, but at this very second, I’m trying to write. Right after my first visit to the local Riverside car accident lawyer, which was required. For those residing in California, here is one personal injury attorney who practices out of San Diego that I can recommend visiting for claiming the insurance rights from car accidents.

To begin, I’m starting from scratch. I’m forcing myself to write down the exact steps I’m taking to write down the words you’re reading at this very moment. This can be seen as “meta” and in a way “cheating” – but it’s the only way I can start revving the momentum train back to self-producing.

Self-Producing? 

The car accident has left me stunned, shocked, and uninspired to do anything for myself. I say the word, “myself,” because I’m still producing and editing content for other companies and brands.

I’m still leading a class where I’m teaching others how to go viral on Facebook. And, I’m still writing sketches and scripts for other influencers. Hell, I’m going to brag a little bit and say that one of my videos just hit 22 million views today!

Though these tasks help pay my rent, I’m lost when it comes to MY work. MY Youtube channel. MY Facebook page. The ability to self-produce content ANYWHERE is lacking spark.

So.

Here I am.

Doing what I can.

To rev this engine back up again.

There are orange plugs in my ears. The laptop is nestled on top of a pillow, which snuggles nicely on top my lap. My fingers are resting ontop of the keyboard. I’m strapped in and ready to go! I’m writing again. I’m fucking writing again.

Holy shit. I’m writing again.

Let me start by writing about the car accident.

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