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Choose: Family or Your Partner?

2012-02-10T00:50:00.000-08:00

"If the family members I respect don't like you, I'm sorry, I have to break up with you. And, the same goes for me..."

Call me stupid or insensitive, but I said those words a few hours before introducing my partner to my family. I still remember her face, a face which screamed: "OH GOD! SOMEONE HELP ME!"

My family has a very keen eye on bullshit. See, I can be a sidetracked individual who can get lost in the clouds of my pride and their critiques mean a great deal to my life. Therefore, imagine our relief when we found out that my family not only liked her, but loved her!

I think you should always consider your family’s opinion first, before making any long-term decision with your partner. Before I go further, I would like to define family.

FAMILY

What is family? Family is a tribe, a group of people that you respect, a group of people you’ll take a bullet for, a group of people that you will always defend, a group of people you love so much that you cannot fathom talking shit behind their back. You trust their decisions as they trust yours. Therefore, your family can range from your friends, grandmother, cousin, or sibling(s). Basically, anyone you consider to be the one who you’ve relied on since you’ve been able to make conscious decisions to make… decisions. I consider my siblings to be my family, my rock.

WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT

Why is it important that your family like your partner…and vica versa? Because no matter the situation, your family will always be by your side. Therefore, your partner should become a part of your new family, not an escape from them.

FAMILY COMES FIRST

Unless you’re married, your family should come first. There is a higher probability that your family will always be certain group of people, while there is no guarantee that your current partner will stay your partner – overtime. This means that the trust and love your family has will always be there for you. However, the trust and love of your partner can disappear at any moment.

DOES THIS MEAN YOUR PARTNER SHOULD ACT A CERTAIN WAY AROUND THE FAMILY?

I think if you see your partner acting differently solely to appease your family, I say break up. It’s a weird philosophy, but I think your partner’s family should like/love you the way you are. For example, it took my partner’s family a good year before liking/loving me. Why? Because I’m an opinionated and outspoken individual who has been known to clash with others.

However, I told my partner that though I will bring my energy level down; my overall personality will not change. It took some time, but at least the parents like me for who I am than who I pretend to be!

ASK YOUR FAMILY WHAT THEY THINK

Really strive for an honest answer. You should never assume that your family likes your partner. I know that sometimes my family members can cover up their opinions so not to hurt my feelings. To combat this you have got to pin them to a corner and ask what they truly think!

ADVICE TO PARTNERS: TALK TO THE FAMILY

If I’m going to be in a long-term relationship, then in a way, I’m adopting my partner’s family. This means that I’ll treat them as if they were my own family. Basically interacting with and really getting to know them beyond a surface level is what I consider to be of great importance.

I remember confronting my partner’s father and straight up asking, “What do you think of our relationship?” It would be a two hour conversation that I would never forget. I learned about his history, his moral beliefs, and future advice on how I can be a better partner. Later, I would have the same conversation with her mother. Though I will never call them mom or dad, I will say that we have a greater respect for each another. Our conversations and interactions are beyond a simple, ‘How are you?’ I like it as I now consider them as extended family members.

In addition, I've also asked my partner (on multiple occasions) what her siblings 'really' thought of me...
Whoever your partner considers as family (be it siblings, friends, parents) - should like you.

What do you think of this, am I going too far?

HOW FAR IS TOO FAR

I’m not saying your partner should partake in your family reunions. I’m just saying that your partner should treat your family like an extension of their own family.

THEY DON’T LIKE MY PARTNER – DO I BREAK UP WITH THEM?

Calm yourself. It becomes your job to explain to your family, in a respectful and persuasive manner, why you’re in love. Also, understand that your family does not interact with your partner on a daily basis. Therefore, your family and your partner should have many, many encounters before having a definitive answer.
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Do you agree, disagree, or would like to add anything else? Am I viewing how a relationship should be in the wrong way? Am I jaded? If so, please write in the comments below as I reply to ever response!

While You Matter - Part 1

2012-02-06T02:04:00.000-08:00

My 2012 Goal is to write and complete a short story. Enjoy!

The sun was beating down on me like how a father beats his kids: rough, stringent, and inescapable.

Early in the summer months of my eighteenth year, my uncle decided that I was now called to be the garden planter of our local home association of district thirty-two. The $5.00 an hour wage seemed to be spent on suntan lotion and a straw hat, neither of which helped me to keep my light brown-skin intact.

When you read online sites about planting trees, gardening, watering leaves, and what not, the blogger tells you how therapeutic it is. But, in fact, you’ll need therapy after years of this work.

“Look, it loves it. I thought you were studying biology in college. What if I didn't give you water for a week? How would you feel?” I stood there without my sun-protection as I was being taught a lesson for being incompetent. “I don’t like getting calls from Mrs. Pisler about her lemon tree wilting. And…” I hadn’t eaten all day, and he expected me to listen to his draconian psychotic verbal blah blahs as he, my uncle/boss, continued to feed plants their food. All I wanted was to grasp the hose from his hands and NOURISH MYSELF with some H2O.

“Luke, I’m going to tie you up on that gate if you space out on me…” Imagine, he was awarded motivational gardener of the month, three times, from the HOA (homeowners association). I swear, rich people love circle-jerking us folk by giving us awards and gift cards that have nothing to do with our jobs, so we don’t bail on the job. (My uncle has yet to use the $25 Macy’s store credit from his ceremony).

Me: I think I’m dying
Him: Good, now you know how this Lemon Tree feels.
Me: Can I at least wear my hat?
Him: No.

June 10th, 2007 is when I awoke to understand that I was lying on Mrs. Pisler’s patio with an ice-cold towel on my head.

Him: You’re an idiot.

I've done many idiotic things in my life, but collapsing from a heatstroke definitively isn't one of them.

Me: I feel like puking.
Him: Don't. Just get up and return that towel to Mrs. Pisler.

My body felt like it did, after my first college party. As in, the time when my stomach woke up me at 5am so it could force my mouth to puke beer coated sunflower seeds all over my green couch. Worst hangover... ever.

Him: Meet me in the truck, we have one more house...

I didn't want to enter through Mrs. Pisler's front door because walking around her two acre property wasn't an activity that seemed reasonable. So, I investigated the patio door which subsequently led me to her kitchen.

The area, in itself, was its own house. I have no words to describe her grandiose kitchen as it will only remind you how poor you are. Also, the food lying around could easily feed an entire village in Hungary. I snagged some salami and grabbed a water bottle and then whisked around.

Her: What the HELL are you DOING?!?

She was a beauty. Now, Mrs. Pisler is a sixty year old woman who is in a power motorized wheelchair due to her diabetes. However, this one was standing there with a sports outfit and tennis racquet in hand. Long black hair that was obviously tied with a band, I could only imagine the battle she had on the courts. She looked my age and her face told me that she was probably going to swing her racquet against my skull. Yeah, she was HOT and SEXY.

Me: OUHophPOU O!houhofh!!

You can't really articulate words when you have a pound of salami shoved into your mouth (if you say "that's what she said," I'm going to slap you.).

Her: WHAT? JUST - GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!

That's what did it. I wanted to move but my stomach began to growl, my bladder started screaming, and my nose felt the need to have blood rush through its holes...

Me: BLEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
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Wait till next Monday for Part 2!

What do you think of the story so far? What are your speculations/suggestions of what to come?

Is Your Relationship Stunting Your Personal Growth?

2012-01-30T01:35:00.000-08:00

I brought the girlfriend to a party and while in a heavy discussion about relationships, with other relationship-type folk, a participant directed an assumptive statement in my direction:

“Now that you’ve graduated (from college), I bet all you do is work and hang out with her (your girlfriend)…”

I hope the assumptive statement is wrong.

If my life and girlfriend's life consisted solely on our work and our partnership, I would have to really re-evaluate the relationship and then… break up. Unless you’re married or have kids, you’re essentially holding each other back- if the only thing you have in life is your work and your significant other. Harsh?

Defining - Holding One Back

Holding a person back is to stop the movement and the progress of their social-cultural experience, in life. Basically, when you hold someone back you are not making said individual, a self-sufficient individual.

Social-cultural experiences stems from exploring new communities, connecting with a vast number of unique individuals, being thrown into new problems that need to be fixed, etc., For example, when a rich boy transfers to a school in the ghetto, to which he makes new friends and becomes aware of the privilege he carries within himself - is an example of a social-cultural experience.

Simply put, a social-cultural experience is the total act of immersion in a foreign space (big or small). It is in these situations that one can take what they've learned from any fact or experience from the past, and test the outcome in the new space they're in. So, when someone is holding you back, they're restricting you from developing new ideas and new solutions that you come up on your own.

Granted, an argument can be made that your partner can supply the social-cultural experiences in your life by telling you how it is. But, it's not the same when you experience it on your own. For example, your kidnapper (partner) can tell you how great strawberry ice-cream tastes. However, it is not until you try strawberry ice-cream, yourself, that you can formulate your opinion of the ice-cream.

Social-cultural experiences make you grow.

What I'm Not Saying

I'm not saying that your partner should be aloof and hands off when you're together. Instead, your partner should be showing you the many social-cultural opportunities that you can experience in your life. And then, once you pick the social-cultural opportunity that fits you, it becomes the job of your partner to push and motivate you to continue the exploration in that new space.

For example, it's like those parents who put their child into five different little-league sports. And, once the child finds something it likes, the parents do all they can to make their kid a better player in that sport. The parents are not going to play the sport for their kid, but they're going to do everything they can to provide the proper support they can offer.

Also, I'm not saying that you and your partner shouldn't be together when experiencing new things. In fact, this is a good thing. I'm saying that there should be things in your life that you are experiencing without them, other than work and other common routines you have.

What This All Comes Down To

A monogamous relationship is about two people sharing their past, present, and hopeful future experiences with each other. When these experiences die out, so does the relationship.

For example, people call the beginning of a relationship the honeymoon phase. The reason being is because both parties learn about each other's experiences in life. This foreign information is new and it's fun! In the beginning there are no routines, it's only once you become comfortable with the person do the routines sprout about.

Well, going back to the reason why I'm writing this: "Now that you've graduated, I bet all you do is work and hang out with her…"

The reason why it's negative to make work and hanging out with your partner your only social-cultural experience is because you won't grow. When you and your partner meet up at night and cuddle, what are you going to be talking about?

You: How was your day? Anything new?
Partner: *Talk about work, co-workers, same old shit.* That's about it and hung out with you!
You: Great!

Think: has your partner helped you face a new challenge and become self-sufficient in overcoming such challenge? Are you still participating in the same old routine? Think. The new people you have met and the new experiences you've encountered, which ones derived from your partner? Think. Where is this relationship taking you? What is this relationship giving you besides a hot meal and a body? Are you settling? Have you been pushing them to grow and experience new opportunities, while you sit idle - alone?

These are questions I ask myself every single day. I have more questions I ask myself: Am I limiting the girlfriend? Better yet, am I motivating and pushing her to explore new opportunities? Will I be a regret when she reflects on her past (in future years)?

Now take these questions, make them about you, and answer them.

So, are you growing?

Being A Manic Depressant #2: How The Lows Effect Your Work

2012-01-26T21:01:00.000-08:00

"People who say they're manic depressant, are just lazy. It's an excuse. By calling themselves 'Bipolar,' 'Manic,' they are essentially stigmatizing themselves."

Three years ago, my legal studies professor said this to my face. I was in her office to tell her about my learning disability and then, request a time extension for next week's midterm. In my entire four years of college I've never asked for a time extension due to my disability. And, her answer, her fucking answer, reminded me why I was silent about these things.

Because I'm prone to approval, I agreed with her statement and rescinded my request. Though a subtle situation, I provide this example to argue my thoughts on this issue: I think most people think that mania, bipolarity, and other mental disabilities are a load of bullshit.

Do you know how many times I've seen peer groups roll their eyes (or laugh) when an individual expresses that they have depression/mania? It's pretty appalling.

Well, I'm here to tell you to stop rolling your eyes because mental disabilities are far from bullshit. They're real and the lows they give you can really fuck up your day.

Effecting Your Work Through Negative Memories

"Failure." "Piece of shit." "Nobody." "You are nothing." "Loser."

When I'm on my low, every negative and hurtful thing that has been said in my life is repeated in my head. I'm talking megaphone, I'm talking Mexican soccer game announcer-type big. It's a tad hard to concentrate when you have someone screaming in your face.

For example, I was on a low before writing this piece (in fact I'm still on my fucking low). The low started on Tuesday, due to some personal issues, and my mind was cluttered with negative thoughts. And, though I take medication, I've learned that to get through lows - I just have to wait it out.

No, this does not mean I lay in bed and close my eyes. Instead, I must force myself into my ordinary routine: Shower, eat, go to work, write, etc.,

What sucks about a low is that everything you do is shitty. It's tough to be perfect, coherent, profound, or even inspirational when you can't think. This creates a spiral effect because you're doing shitty work, you're just validating the negative thoughts in your head. For example, I went through about 15 different topics and each one, including this one, seems so mundane.

I threw my phone against the wall. Walked outside for a few moments. Took a long meditative shower, which didn't end well as I punched the shower wall. Threw my phone AGAIN! Said: "FUCK YOU JONATHAN YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" at least 30 times.

Then, after all that, I jumped back on my laptop and continued to write. I think the secret to surviving these lows, is to complete projects you think are substantial in your life. Get it done. It's tough as hell but if you fall asleep or do avoid the task, I swear your low is going to lead you to do something destructive instead: gambling, suicide, drugs...

How Do You Force Yourself To Work?

My suggestion is to put yourself in the area in which you normally work. If it's your desk, office, study chair... go there ASAP. Then, if you can, have a friend watch you as you stare at your work. Also, warn your friend to wear protective gear just in case you throw your phone near their face.

Then, you wait.

Reference: Being A Manic Depressant #1

A Message To People Who Sleep Together: Pleasure Your Partner, For The Gold...

2012-01-23T23:14:00.000-08:00

"Did you...? Did you? Are you sure? You're not lying to me, right?"

It's something I always ask my partner after we participate in the mashed potatoes, the funky dance, the baptism, the turducken, or just plainly, consensual sex. As the oldest of a huge family, I was taught that honesty, teamwork, and making people you like happy, are all moral obligations that make the world a better place.

And, these moral obligations should be of utmost importance during the booty dropping moments of your life. I hear too many stories where one partner consistently fibs by faking orgasms (I've done this a few times), or I listen as the other partner complains that their lover's body is 'too complicated' to please. Lies and excuses don't make a team stronger, it does the opposite. Therefore, since sex is the most animalistic team-bonding experience, bad sex leads to unhappiness, which leads to relationship failure.

To continue, I'm going to use common metaphorical expression on sex to further my explanations on this idea.

Sex isn't a marathon, it's a relay race.

Many people say that sex is like a marathon. However, marathons are long and has one main winner. A relay race can vary from a very long distance to a couple of yards. And, no matter who crosses the finish line first, the entire team come out as winners.

Analyzing the 2008 gold medal relay race Olympians, the Jamaicans, we can understand the two primary things that make a great relay team.

#1 Conditioning

This is the one thing that the Jamaican relay team does individually. Each member has exercises and diets, which are attuned only to their bodies. For example, kegels can be popular for one partner, while the other partner focuses on a diet of pineapples. It is the individual self that is responsible for what their body should feel and look like before they group together with the team.

This step is crucial because if one party neglects on conditioning, it means the other party needs to push in more of an effort during the race. Conditioning mainly includes:

A) Exploring your body: understanding what feels good
B) Shaping yourself into the figure that pertains to the positions you want to do:
i) Can your body really handle the upside cartwheel penetration position?
ii) Do you have enough stamina to hold your partner in place?

#2 Practicing

It took the Jamaican team a few months before they picked which teammate would be the anchor during the race (Bolt).

I find that many couples practice after they've had sex for a long period of time (I think this is bad). Practicing, should happen right away... and often! As soon as you get nude and everything is in motion, you best be practicing! What is practicing?

Practicing is merely the act of noticing what action is reciprocated by your partner as pleasurable. For example, when you touch a safety spot do you hear them moan... or say "eh."

Of course you can't just hand off your baton to your partner and expect them to hold it in place. This is why you practice, you help guide each other on the transitioning and proper formation for the race to function smoothly. Common practicing tips:

A) Use your voice:
i) Be explicit and tell your partner what, where, and how they should be touching.
ii) Always affirm when they do something worthwhile
B) Use your hands:
i) Take their hands and guide them with yours.
ii) Again, affirm when they do something worthwhile

Simply put, more practice and conditioning gets you better sex.
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Sex is supposed to be an act where both parties receive pleasure, equally. And personally, I don't think anyone can truly be pleased unless they orgasm in the process. It probably feels good... but not BA-BAM status.

It's not complicated, it's not science, it's simply conditioning and practice. Be honest with your partner. Tell them when they get out of line, tell them when they do something right, tell them when you're about to poop. I mean do you really want to have an orgasm when you have sex? If so, tell your partner because you owe it to yourself to not fake one.

Again, it's not complicated, it's not science, it's simply conditioning and practice. Be open and listen to your partner. Are you getting out of line, are you doing something right, are you in the moment with your partner? The idea is to not only focus on your needs, but also on theirs as well.

Lastly, cliche as it is, have fun. After the Jamaican relay team won, Usain Bolt, one of their fastest teammates said with great ebullient energy:

"All I can say is: Yo, Jamaican sprinters, taking over the world!"

When you're both having fun, when you're both playing with each other, when you're both rooting for each other, when you're both flowing with each other, when you're both conditioning and practicing with each other - you both will have great sex!

Don't you want your team to win the gold medal?

BA-BAM!

How To Unfriend And Block Someone On Facebook

2012-01-05T10:03:00.000-08:00

Like losing your virginity, it can seem like a momentous decision. The whole "Should I? Should I not? Is this the right time?" questionnaire is set on rewind and play. It can be easy to open up a new browser tab, sway away from this person's facebook page, and then persuade yourself that you'll wait till another day.

Stop. Inhale. You're only young once and this is not as big as you think. Granted, it's rarely irreversible because the memory will be cemented with both parties, but it needs to be done. The person you're contemplating on unfriending is destructive and you cannot take the chance of accidentally viewing a newsfeed update on their life. It will only make you stare at their acrimonious picture with great animosity. They're a waste of time and a waste of brain-provoking energy. For your sake, it must be done.

Besides, it can get addicting as the unfriend and block button increases the Oxytocin levels in your brain, creating a very pleasurable euphoric tingling feeling in your body.

Here are a few tips on how to unfriend and block someone on facebook.

Step 1: Picking The Right Candidate

Remember, this is more than just unfriending someone as you can do that easily with any rando. Therefore, the candidate is someone you know, someone you've had conversations with outside of the facebook space, someone who may have even called you - friend. Yes, that person.

Now, for whatever reason, both of you no longer feel the need to play Barney and friends. The respect for one another is somewhere lost an acre away. Yes, that person.

Did you find the right candidate? Do you know what they look like? Good.

Now, go to their facebook page and get ready for Step 2.

Step 2: Unfriend

YOU CAN DO IT! BELIEVE! YOU'RE ALMOST THERE!

A). If they have the old facebook layout:
Click the FRIENDS button -> Scroll Down -> Highlight 'Unfriend' -> Click Unfriend

B). If they have facebook timeline:
Click the down arrow button next to the MESSAGE button -> Click Unfriend

You feel that?

That is the feeling of liberation and happiness. You are now ready for Step 3.

Step 3: Report/Block

Remember, you're not going to report this person, you are here to block them and nothing else. The reason you're going to block them is because you don't want to give them the chance to infiltrate your brain, again. As I've learned from the movie Eraser, a beautiful movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, you must erase the people in your life who cause you pain.

A). If they have the old facebook:
Under their facebook profile picture is a blue link that says Report/Block -> Click It -> Confirm

B). If they have facebook timeline:
Click the down arrow button next to the MESSAGE button -> Scroll Down -> Click Report/Block -> Confirm

You're done. You can follow this action with a Tiger Wood's fist pump or a subtle patter clap. Look in the mirror and smile, because you made your life a little bit happier.

Ending Notes

It's going to be tough, at first. But, you'll realize that the power of elimination is very empowering on your soul, your spirit. You'll feel like a butterfly hatching out from it's cocoon, fly and show the world you're beautiful colors!

What is your process of unfriending and blocking someone on facebook/life?

Calm Down. You're Beautiful. You'll Be Fine!

2011-12-28T11:54:00.000-08:00

"You're beautiful, you'll be fine!"

Heteronormative guy talk can be the most derogatory, chauvinistic, vile piece of statements that can come out of any man. Ladies, I do not care how nice your man is or how he insists that he doesn't talk in such a superficial manner, but he does. He's a liar to himself and to you if he doesn't think he partakes in such festivities. Of course, the level of derogatory varies as some men are more classy than others. But, the fact of the matter is that men in general (your man as well) partakes in this hetereonormative guy talk (HGT).

Well, a bunch of my friends were in a heavy HGT session when one of them said:

"I was at work, this girl walked in, and she was hot. {Begin sexual explanation of body parts, smile, style, and anything else you can imagine here}. I'm telling you I didn't want to take her money. Someone as beautiful as her shouldn't be paying for anything."

I rolled my eyes as I believe that regardless of how gorgeous you are, you shouldn't receive any special treatment. Besides, if you treat a beautiful women as you do with everyone else - you're more likely to get action than not (gorgeous girls just want to be treated like humans). Hell, they take a dump just like everyone else!!! I digress, as this tangent is for another time.

Anyways, the thing that got me is this: "Someone as beautiful as her shouldn't be paying for anything."

Therefore, because of the superficiality of how the ENTIRE WORLD works, if you're beautiful your life will be easier and you're more likely to be taken care of, then not.
I am a man and I think 100% of men have made many decisions with our the dingle dangle below our belly buttons. It's true. Any man who disagrees with this statement or tells you otherwise is a liar. When we find a woman that is beautiful our brain creates this trigger which is founded on lust. Of course, the stipulation is some men differ from being classy lustful beings (pound and committed) than others (pound and dump). Regardless, 100% of men who want to be with you, doesn't matter their reasoning, want to sleep with you. He may deny or trick himself in thinking that wanting a beautiful woman and lust are not synonymous... but they are.

Again, beauty and lust are synonymous.

Beauty Can Make You Do The Impossible

It can make a man start war. It can make a man sell all their belongings and fly half way across the country to start a new life. It can make a man do cute things like jump on a table and sing a romantic song in front of thousands .It can make a man pay for you on a first date. It can make make a man get straight A's. It can make a man keep a long-distance relationship thousands of miles away. It can make a man wait patiently if you decide to be verbally abusive (or just patient in general). It can make a man think they're in love with you.

Trust me when I say that if a man doesn't think you're beautiful he won't do anything above. Jumping on a table and singing a romantic lovely song of joy? Sorry, not going to happen if you're subpar in his eyes. If they think you're subpar the patience they'll have for you will be like high power leaf blower: blowing you is a press of a button. It's true.

For example, let's look at the movie - "The Notebook." If Allie wasn't beautiful - Noah wouldn't have risked his life on a Ferris Wheel, wrote letters to her everyday, build a house, and say all the romantic things that he came up with...

Where Am I Going With This?

Am I saying that men do all those cute, romantic, ambitious things all because they think you're beautiful? Yes. Beauty first, personality later.And, in many cases, a man can create an ideal personality in his head if he thinks you're gorgeous enough: smart, beautiful, independent, down to earth...

If you bring two women in an ideal situation where they have the same IQ, same personality, same habits, same lifestyle, and the only thing that makes them different is their looks... the prettier one will be seen as the smarter, nicer, and generally - the better one.

This is one reason why it took me so long to jump into a relationship. Beauty can be very manipulative and I didn't know if I liked the girlfriend solely on lust. After many months of testing myself (letting her meet my friends, observed the way she interacted with my family, observed her lifestyle...) I found that her personality was really quite wonderful. Remember though, if she wasn't beautiful, I wouldn't be with her (as a friend yes, but not as a partner). Period.

If your guy says that he would be with you even if he thought you weren't beautiful, is lying. (Think about it...has your guy ever complained or made fun of someone for their looks that he didn't find appealing?)

Therefore, if you're beautiful, you'll be fine. Someone out there will take care of you. Personally, I say take advantage of what you have and get as much as you can! Survival is key! Beauty can take you out of the the most lower class of any society and lift you up the upper class. If you're beautiful, find a way to use it so you can have a better life!

What I'm Really Saying

I'm not saying that if you're beautiful you should just rely solely on your young looks to get what you want. I'm saying that your beauty is power. Use it wisely, often, and while it lasts. Imagine if you're beautiful, you're truly innovative, and you have a high IQ - damn you'll be a threat to society!

There will be no need to settle for anybody or anything! Beauty is like a college degree, it gives you edge. Personally, if you're beautiful and you're not living a life better than most... I'll be greatly disappointed because you were given a gift and you didn't use it for your advantage.

If You're Not So "Beautiful."

In a weird way a women who are not so beautiful is judged like a man: A man must work harder, work smarter, and be as innovative as he can be so he can be deemed 'successful' to get whatever and whomever he wants. It's just how society works.

Good luck my friends.

Who Is To Blame When A Kid Bullies?

2011-12-19T14:06:00.001-08:00

"You Are Not A Bad Person"

My 12 year old brother arrived home with a very curious question:

Brother: Jonathan, are we related to Kim Jong?
ME: Not even close.
Brother: Am I a bad person?
ME: What? Why?

He then proceeded to tell me that a bully at school told him that he was a bad person. A bad person because of his hair color, a bad person because he's Asian, a bad person because he was "related to Kim Jong Il." Hilarious, right?

Brother: Why are you laughing?
ME: First, we're not Korean. Second, we're not related to Kim Jong Il. Lastly, you are not a bad person. The kid at your school is an idiot. Whatever.

This got me thinking about the young kids in our society. Why are they so mean? And, who do I blame? Do I blame the kid, the teacher at the school, or the parents of the kid?

Blaming The Kid

I can go to the school, find this kid, sit him down, and begin to lecture him on stupid he is. Don't worry, I'm not a violent person towards little kids. I can't see myself headbutting him in the chest... not really productive. But, I wouldn't mind talking to this kid, I believe he just needs proper instruction.

Blaming The Teacher

Maybe I should talk to the teacher? I was informed that the teacher didn't do a damn thing. I believe that the supervisor, the role model, the adult in the room, the person who these children learn from, should tell this kid that what he's doing is wrong. Bullying continues when no one is there to stop it. I think the teacher has a responsibility to make thing right, and the teacher failed.

Blaming The Parents

From the area in which we live in and from the information I gathered, I can only assume that this kid has parents. I believe a kid learns almost everything from their parents. If a kid is a bully and says some really ignorant things, then in some way its' parents think the same.

I digress. I really don't know how to handle this situation because I have to meet any of the people above. I do want to say that if you see bullying or you see someone picking on another person... do something to stop it. I suggest do it with words so both parties can learn from the situation.

What do you think?

How To Deal With Passive Aggression

2011-12-15T11:46:00.000-08:00

"We ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones who ignore us, love the ones who hurt us, and hurt the ones who love us"

*Note: I'll leave the funny for next week*

It'll happen.

One day you're friends with someone, you do something hurtful, and the trust between you breaks. Sometimes you'll try to mend things and find a way to rebuild the relationship. Sometimes you'll make an agreement never to be friends again, but respect each other. And, sometimes you'll realize you can never be friends and treated like crap in the process. This 'crap' falls into the realm of passive aggression.

Examples Of This Passive Aggressive Behavior

#Writing this blogpost can be seen as passive aggressive behavior because I should be confronting the person instead of venting here.

#You say words like, "How are you?" or "How's work?" they answer, roll their eyes, and then don't ask you back.

#You look into their face and say "Thank You" when they do something polite (like hold a door open). And, then proceeds to again roll their eyes and say 'MmmMmm"

#When in a gathering you begin to understand that they treat everyone with a different level of respect than you. It's weird because it's done right. In front. Of your face. Like you're invisible.

People have told me that this could be seen as a way of distancing oneself from the other. Then, I think that if you truly want to distance yourself from someone you 'disagree with' then... just get away from me. It's easy. However, if you run in the same groups it would be nice that you treat me with respect. I'm not going to lie it hurts being ignored because it's so obviously rude and disrespectful.

Well, if someone is being passive aggressive towards you, I have a few suggestions.

If You Were Once Friends

History is out the window. Instead of thinking of the many good things that once was, the focus is directly on that one instance that broke you a part. I believe that by ignoring and not wanting to talk about things is just a band aid covering a wound. The wound will continue to grow and if it's never sowed together, the friendship will never happen again.

Therefore, if your apologies aren't working, if your proactive actions to communicate or help isn't working... and you're *crap...just stop. You just have to face the fact that they don't respect you. If they respected you they wouldn't do the above actions in your face (roll their eyes... etc.,)

Stop what you're doing. It's a waste of time.

Yes, you'll get that weird vibe to patter or be a doormat to their calls when they do respond to your questions - or ask "How are you?" - but don't. Remember, they don't care about you. They just don't care. Would they be shunning you in a hurtful manner, if they cared? The answer is no.

I know it hurts that because you were once friends that they probably run deep in your social circles. So, to fix this and help your psyche, just let it go. Still act in your manner where you ask them questions about their life and expect them not to look at you in your eyes or rolling their eyes or whatever they do that make it obvious that their is tension. Just breath deeply. Sigh heavily. Let it go.

Remember, as soon as they see your face they automatically feel frustrated that you're there. And, due to the way he/she is treating you - you feel the same. So, he/she is as uncomfortable as you do. Live with it and interact with everyone else like you normally would.

If It's Someone That Doesn't Run In Your Social Circle

I think the above scenario is the hardest to go through because of the history and the fact that he/she runs in your social circle. But, in this scenario it's easier to completely shun this person from your life. Why surround yourself with people who are going to treat you like crap?

Summary: Focus On The People Who Care

This is harder said than done. But, surround yourself with people who actually care about you. And, if you do see such said person: Take a breathe. Smile. Treat them with respect. Expect the worst. Then, move on.

How do you Deal when someone is being Passive Aggressive towards you?

Would You Want Hitler To Go To Heaven?

2011-12-14T10:50:00.000-08:00

Would you want Hitler to go to Heaven?

I hope Hitler is burning, rotting, being molested, suffering... in Hell. And, I don't mean 'lightly,' I hope that every single second the people of the underworld are filling his soul and limbs with pain. The type of pain that has never been felt by any human in this world. The type of pain that makes him shriek so loud, that his shrieks are silent. I hate this man. If he's not in hell, then the universe is unfair.

So, to answer my own question: NO! I would not want Hitler to go to Heaven.

So, What Is The Meaning of This Question?

This idea was sprouted due from the aftermath of arguments I've had with friends and enemies.

Before I continue, I want to tell you that I use enemies as a loose term. It means that regardless if you were friends in the past, they no longer and will never like you again. An example of this would be of someone who, due to an argument, no longer acknowledges that you exist: rolls their eyes when you say 'hello / looks away when you ask how are you? / pushes a vendetta of aggressive behavior in your direction.' Basically, an enemy has made it known that both of you will never be able to agree or respect each other, again.

In these arguments, I found myself doing everything I could to not only apologize, but also project how said person's behavior was hurting me as a person. Like any projection, the one being 'called out' will always feel uncomfortable. This uncomfortable guilty feeling is what brings out the defense, then the argument, and if you're lucky an apology with an addition of behavioral change.

An example of this: When I was a sophomore in college, I was at a banquet and I was talking a lot. Well, luckily for me a girl on our table stood up and said, "Jonathan, can you watch your male privilege and silence yourself! Let XXX person speak." I felt embarrassed for being called out in front of everyone and it took me about a week to truly understand my fault. I carry this lesson close to my heart and that girl and I? Well, we're good friends.

They're not all so easy as there have been many other instances of where people have called me out and we have yet been able to find a resolution.

Anyways, it is these projections or lectures of 'calling out' someone that got me thinking of our question. The idea that you're taking the time to call out someone means that in a strange weird way, you're caring about them. Yes, you're criticizing them because you want them to change.

For example, a mother who lectures and puts soap in her kid's mouth to show that lying is bad...actually cares for her child. The mother cares because she wants her child to never lie again. It is this calling out, this projection, that she hopes will make her kid remember that what he/she is doing is wrong.

Now, the same with these arguments. You project and call out your friend because you want them to change. You want to live in a more peaceful and understanding world, so you openly tell them, sometimes embarrassingly tell them, what's pissing you off. Of course, it's not always well because sometimes one party can be more extreme than the other (which can damper the relationship - like my extreme behavior).

Well, the idea of these lectures is to get someone to apologize and change. However, this is where the question is put into place. What if they don't want to acknowledge you, but they change?

What If They Don't Acknowledge You, But They Change?

This means that they take your words of your advice, act accordingly, and you begin to see their behavior change for the better. People around them are affected by their new understanding of how they view the world. But, you're not acknowledged, by them, for it: as in, they still ignore you - push aside - shun you - stay passive aggressive - don't apologize. It's almost as if they're acting fake because no one got to see how they acted before you called them out on their behavior. Therefore, what ends up happening is while they're being rewarded for the their 'angelic' behavior, that you are seen as a bad guy for opening your mouth in the first place.

It's sad.

Would You Want Hitler To Go To Heaven?

By correcting and constantly trying to project your ideas to prideful people who decide to change, but never apologizing to you for their past actions and acknowledging you for your help... is like wanting Hitler to go to heaven.

Do you really want the person who hates you or treats you like monkey feces to be lauded, praised, and given the same rewards as you? Do you really want the person who pretends you're not there - even though you're right in front of their face - to be given a standing ovation for doing good even though you're the one who helped them in the process of correcting their behavior? Do you really want Hitler to be sitting with you in the lovely place of Heaven?

After a while it's hard. It's hard to just ignore their actions and let it slide in hopes that people can see how mean they are being towards you.

You're Grown Up? No Birthday Party for You!

2011-12-13T13:52:00.000-08:00

If you're single and over the age of 21, I think you know far too well the extent of how far your birthday celebration will be. When you wake up, you'll sign into your facebook to find hundreds of 'Happy Birthday' cathartic expletives on your wall. And, if you're lucky, you'll get a few text messages and maybe even a phone call. But, that's it.

Because of your age and the lack of a partner you will arrive to your dismal abode, sleepy. No more of the SURPRISE celebrations, no more of the balloons, no more of the streamers, no more of just... anything related to birthday extravaganzas.

The only way you're able to receive such birthday 'fun times' is by planning the party yourself. It can be considered a sad time in your life, but it isn't all that bad.

For one thing it'll be hard to dissatisfy yourself because if you do, you're the one to blame. It's an old adage, but as it goes: No one knows you better than yourself. Also, you can control who you want to see and who you don't. When your partner structures a SURPRISE birthday party, they generally miss a few keynote people or they invite the guy who secretly hates you as much as you hate him.

But, that's about it (as I've said before). In the end, you have to worry about the price of the venue, the coordination, the scheduling, and the crucial systematic choosing of who you're going to invite to the party. Accidentally leaving someone out, can create a tidal wave of passive-aggressive friends who will spite you for the rest of the year.

My biggest suggestion is to hide your birthday date from the rest of the world, travel back in time, or jump into a sudden relationship. Either way, good luck.

8 Reasons Why Skype Causes Breakups

2011-12-12T01:49:00.000-08:00

Skype is the anti-cupid, the boulder that demolishes hopeful love, and it is especially, a video and a calling service that is one of the primary causes of broken long-distance relationships.

As an experienced long-distance lover, I know far too well what Skype is capable of. You may think it's an innocent technological service that allows two parties some face to face time! But, if you look past this innovation and analyze the ultimate significance of the consequences it creates, you'll begin to see why Skype causes breakups.

1. The Disrupting Background Noise

You answer the Skype call to blaring honks, construction bulldozers, and a Lil Wayne concert all being played in the background. I find myself screaming, "What? Pardon? Repeat? I love you? LET ME CALL YOU BACK I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING" too often than having an actual conversation.

What's worse is the echo you get when neither of you are wearing headphones. So, not only are you not hearing their voice, but you're hearing your own voice yelling back at you. Nothing is more romantic than your voice telling you that you're missed and still loved...

2. The Laggy Video Quality

I can only explain through an example:

Partner: I just want to let you know tha----
ME: Hello? HELLO? TELL ME WHAT! YOUR LIPS ARE MOVING BUT I CAN'T HEAR A THING!?

3. The Made to Be Private Moment - That Isn't So Private

Let me just put this in perspective with an example: We were belligerently arguing with each other as her end was as cantankerous as mine. At one point I even shook my laptop to give it an added effect of how pissed off I was. She retorted by hanging up and then dialing back, hanging up and then dialing back.

Then, as she begins to cry murderously I see her roommates, from the corner of the screen, slowly tiptoeing behind her to their rooms. I slowly hid my face with my hand, crouched to the screen, and whispered...

ME: Why didn't you move your laptop to a private place?
LD: Skype rarely lags in this spot.

4. Feeling Icky After Pretending To Do The Icky

It's a common thing that myself and many, who I've asked, have done. I can tell you first hand that it's not the proudest thing I've ever done in my long-distance relationship. The only thing I give myself kudos for is getting to that point because it takes some skill: you have to a smooth-talking-romance-novelist story telling machine. But, other than that it's icky.

And, I mean downright icky. You're doing your best not to get caught, while saying some really weird shit, and then ending with: "Don't cry, the real me will be there soon."

5. The Back Pain

Relationship Skyping isn't ergonomic friendly. Crouching and arching your upper body cortex to whisper poetic gestures of love drains your body. You may not know the affects of what's happening, but I'm telling you, a cane will be part of your repertoire in the near future.

6. The Repetitive Unproductive Questions

You'll be surprised how many times: "How are you?" and "What are you thinking?" can be asked in a conversation. It may be cute at first because you'll answer like: "Baby, I'm doing great because I was thinking of you..." But, after the 100th time, you're thinking more of how it's already 10pm and you still have to finish your presentation for tomorrow's workday.

How do you let them off easy?

7. The Weekends

No one likes to spend their weekends sitting in front of a computer, not partaking in physical festivities of fun. However, this can be the case when in a long-distance relationship. And, even if you've made an understanding that allows each other to go out on the weekends, one of you will secretly stalk the computer in the wee hours of 1am or 2am... hoping that your partner has arrived unscathed and faithful.

8. The I Want To Be There But I Can't Revelation

There will be many moments in the long-distance scenario that one of you will cry. I'm talking tears, snot, runny nose, and all the puffy red-eye moments that you can think of - and it will all be seen thanks to Skype. It'll happen because one of you will have the bright idea to do a quick reflection of the relationship. The speech usually goes like this:

I walk around my neighborhood and I see all these couples spending time with each other. Why can't we be like them?

Well, you can't hang out like most couples because you're long-distance. And, once this realization begins to really settle in, the relationship will slowly begin to head towards a place of sadness. Sadness that can turn to frustration, that can turn to annoyance, that can turn to boredom, that can eventually turn into, the breakup.

Just because Skype exists doesn't mean it's great for the relationship. I suggest going back to letter-writing, you'll find that it keeps your long-distance relationship stronger than you'd think.

I'm Not Afraid of Death... I'm Afraid of Dying

2011-12-08T12:28:00.001-08:00

The recent shootings at Virginia Tech has got me thinking about death.

First, I would like to offer up my condolences to the victims of this horrible crime. It's a shame that people could be so selfish to take the lives of others, against their will.

It's well known that you will die, everyone you know will die, and everyone else on this world will eventually perish into limp bodies of cremation. This is the primary reason why I'm not afraid of death because it's supposed to happen. I know too many informed wishful people who think they can live forever (laughs). Hell, why would you want to? Live with it because in essence, we're already dead. However, what I am afraid of is dying.

Yes, I'm afraid of dying but not death. There is a difference between the two.

Dying

I think dying is an occurrence of events that lead to your death. For example, when a gun is fired straight to your face, the bullet that is traveling is the 'occurrence' of your death: up until the bullet finally penetrates your skull to where your heart beats no more, and your spirit is floating into the unknown, is when dying stops and death begins.

Death

Death is unknown because it's all speculative. I'm going to say that it's safe to say that no one really knows what happens when your dead. Even if you believe in an afterlife, there are too many theories that it's hard to figure out which one exists. Therefore, death is unknown.

I'm not afraid of the unknown that death brings.

I'm afraid of unknowingly dying.

What I'm Afraid Of

I'm afraid of dying before I get married
I'm afraid of dying before I visit to 60 countries
I'm afraid of dying before I see all my siblings graduate college
I'm afraid of dying before I finish Clare De Lune
I'm afraid of dying before I complete my book
I'm afraid of dying before I make an even bigger impact in a charitable cause
I'm afraid of dying before I use my talents to help shape this world

End

This is why I get pissed off when I'm lazy, when I waste a day, because what if I die? What if I die and I was unable to accomplish everything I wanted to do?

The Power of "NO"

2011-12-07T11:36:00.001-08:00

No, not Yes.

No, not Maybe.

No, not 'Let me see my schedule.'

Just, No.

This post is going to sway aside the negative effects of what 'No' can bring to your life. There are many posts out there telling you to embrace life with a 'Yes!' I agree with the theory that one must embrace life and understand that 'Yes, you can achieve almost anything if you work at it...'

I'm focusing on a particular area when the word, NO, should be used.

Say NO to an over-abundant amount of promises

You can't please everyone. It is always best to respectfully decline their offer and explain you'll help in the future. During an Airplane malfunction they always tell you to put on the mask on your face first, then the people around you! It's the same in this instance. If you're not grounded and stable, how can you help with a clear mind?

Say NO to Injustice

Cliche as this is, I believe we should speak up when we feel that someone is being hurt. To sit idle and say absolutely nothing is basically saying: "Yes, you can continue to hurt others/stay ignorant/be an asshole..." The power of NO is taking your fingers into your chest, pulling out your heart, and expressing: "NO! You shouldn't do that because..."

Say NO to Temptation

For example, if you're in an exclusive-relationship you should discipline yourself not to put yourself in any 'potential situations.' This means that if you're hanging out with one of your friends, it's best not to cuddle with them. It may be platonic... but accidents happen.

Say NO to SHARKS

If one tries to bite you, punch it in the nose! "NO YOU CANNOT EAT ME TODAY!"

Say NO to Rotten Strawberries

I don't care if strawberries are the best fruits in the entire world. Even people who are allergic eat strawberries! Why? Because they're the best damn fruits in the world, that's why! But, if they're moldy and you see white 'stuff' growing out of it well, JUST TELL YOURSELF - NO!

Say NO to unprotected sex

If neither of you have some sort of birth control or been tested then just say no! NO, Don't close your eyes and pray nothing happens! JUST SAY NO!

Say NO to NO

With everything else in life you should push yourself to say NO to NO. Essentially, Yes.

Yes you can overcome!
Yes you can pursue your dreams!
Yes you are bad-ass mofo who deserves the best!
Yes you are a winner!!!!

I hope you have a beautiful day!

3 Reasons How A Banana Can Save Your LIfe

2011-12-06T11:24:00.001-08:00

Banana. It's not only a confusing word to spell, but it's also a fruit. A yellow sparkling thing that must be circumcised to eat. It's delicious, sweet, and provides nutritious substances that doctors consider to be healthy. They're life savers for more reasons than you think.

1. Sexual Transmitted Disease (STD) Prevention

The first time I bought condoms I had no idea how to put them on. I sat in the car, in front of the store, analyzing how the hell the latex thing worked. Just when I was losing hope I luckily spotted the bundle of bananas in my grocery bag. I quickly pulled one out and began understanding the slippery and stretchy capabilities of a condom. Also, it was very helpful because bananas come in all different lengths and widths, which allows you to buy the right condom brands. I owe my life to bananas. Without them I probably would have gonorrhea or worse, a child.

2. Self-Defense or For Scolding

Bananas are weapons. But, unlike a baton, knife, belt, or any short tool, it's not strong enough to kill someone. It can leave a significance bruise on someone's face, but that's about it because it breaks a part after three hits. When I was 11ish years old I was gallivanting in the kitchen and my father, without warrant, picked up a banana and threw it at my face. It left a bruise near my temple and I learned my lesson.

An apple would've probably killed me.
A tomato wouldn't have provided enough force to make a dent in my face
Garlic would just have made me prone against vampires
A fork, spoon, knife, or a belt would have been considered child abuse
--
At a college party, a while back, I was confronted by a drunken frat boy who had the urge to start shoving his hands against my chest. Luckily I was in the kitchen and grabbed the banana in self-defense. The fratty-dude raised his hands. I swear, his eyes told an imaginary future that after he was done with me my face would be forced to hide away in Osama Bin Laden's cave. He was going to hammerjam my face, it was going to sound and look like a scene from a construction worker snapping a wooden plank in half: splinters and creeackk!

I grabbed a ripe banana and swung it right above his left jaw: SMACK! His feet woggled and wobbled in place as his hands looked for support. There were squishy-squash of yellow left on his face, and the only thing left over in my hand was half-a banana. No, I didn't eat it later.
--
Without Bananas, I would probably be still gallivanting in life and wouldn't have a college degree. Without Bananas my face would like a heroin addict, who doesn't take showers and shoots up every day for the past 78 years. My face is too smooth to be destroyed in such a matter.

3. Constipation and Stomach Aches

Every time I have a stomach ache or am constipated, I turn to bananas. I don't know the medical significance of why I'm cured after I gorge the thing in my mouth. Call it what you want, 20 minutes later I can begin walking again. See, without bananas I would have strange bowel movement problems and we can't have that, can we...
--

These are but a few reason how bananas can save your life. I bet there are more! Do you have any? If so, share them! I'm curious.

Why Living Together, Before Marriage, Can Be A Good Or Bad Idea

2011-12-05T10:34:00.001-08:00

I think living together, before marriage, is a stupid idea. Especially if they’re still considering to get married in the future, it is definitely a headshaking, constipated feeling, disastrous idea - that a couple can partake in,. I’ve seen the battle scars of my friends who have gone through this process. It usually ends up with a paralysis because the relationship gets pushed off a balcony: five stories and the landing is the Los Angeles, 405N freeway. You'll die!

5 Reasons Why It’s A Dumb Idea

1. The Marriage Argument

I’m going to be sexist and genderalizing in this point because I’ve seen this happen so many times in heterosexual relationships. Sooner or later the Woman wants to marry and the Man ends of having second thoughts.

My friend Courtney, who has been living with her boyfriend of two years, complained the other day that her boyfriend has second thoughts on marriage. Well duh, come on!

Why would you want to buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Her boyfriend sees her every day and they’re able to do act upon the deeds sensual healing (usually more than if they got married)… like why then get married? You’ll save time and embarrassment. Avoiding the white dress, the uncomfortable tuxedo, the attention-seeking slideshow, and your friend’s proclamation to the crowd that you once did naughty things in your girlfriend’s parent’s living room – while they were a few feet in the kitchen – is a man’s dream. Yes, avoiding a wedding ceremony is what I dream about when I’m getting my haircut. Then, the relationship breaks a part because the marriage argument turns into battering.

2. Space Allocation

My friend, Brian, had a real problem when it came to this issue. His ex-partner would organize his belongings in obscure places. For example, he would put the utensils on the bottom drawer of the kitchen cabinet, then on the top. I mean who does that? Everyone knows it makes logical sense to put the utensils on an easy to reach location.

Not every planet in space is livable

See, when you’re living in separate locations you can always reassure yourself that at least your house has the utensils on the bottom shelf. But since you live together, you have to worry about the obscure nuances that your partner does in the residence. It’s painful.

3. Where do you go if you’re fighting?

When I have an argument with the girlfriend, I like to sleep alone in my place. It makes it easy because I can get more things done, rant about her in a very safe distance from her wolverine ‘fighting’ claws, and gives me time to mediate before seeing her.

Time a part keeps you sane

When you live together, every corner of the house is occupied by the ghost of winter’s past – they're just vehemently staring back at you. Your partner becomes the acquaintance at work you secretly hate, which you sneeringly smile at because they have a big stake in the company. Ugh.

The only place you can go to is at a bar or at a friend’s place. However, sleeping on a couch or on the streets doesn’t feel as good as your bed at home.

4. Chores

Cleaning together is one of life’s most intimate creations

When you’re living on your own, you don’t care if you’re partner’s place is a mess. You can always reassure yourself that at least your place is clean, so you don’t have worry about the dead snail in the bedroom and just enjoy their company. However, when you’re living together you begin to really analyze how they clean. Before you know it you’re threatening each other with baseball bats or staring really hard at the rat poison, all because they don’t know how to properly clean a toilet bowl!

Pause From The List – For A Moment

These things (points 2-4) happen regardless if you’re married or not. However, when you're married you're forced to deal with these issues because you promised each other the whole – ‘for better or worse I will deal with your shit’ thing. Remember, breaks ups are easy but divorce is a little harder to accomplish successfully.

And We're Back

5. Distribution of Property

What’s ours is not yours

My friend, Derek, lived with his partner for three years. In these years they adopted two dogs together. Well, when they broke up, she took the dogs! He is fighting to see them and has he calls it: "a situation of joint custody." He may have paid for the dogs, but since he was not married the legal case against her isn't that strong. It’s a bad situation.

Ending On A Positive

I think the only way living together, before you’re married, can work is if these four agreements are made: you both agree that you’ll get married before a specific age, you’ve both been dating for more than 2 years, you want to save money, and you love each other with great fervor and passionate love. Other than that, don’t live together! Living on your own and having your own place is a joy that can never be replaced. Remember, you'll be living with this person for the rest of your life! Why then, start early? It'll happen once eventually. Once that ring is on the finger, begin packing your things!

Tell me what you think? Are you a couple or know of a couple that live together? Would you rather live together or have your own place? I’m eager to hear your responses!

Oh No! Asians are Overpopulating places of Higher Education!!

2011-12-01T09:57:00.001-08:00

I was at a house party during the end of my senior year in High School and was asked by my mother's lady friend, "What college are you going to?" I told her that I was headed to UC Berkeley, to which she sneeringly responded:

"My daughter visited that school and she was like 'Mommy, it was scary! There were so many Asians there!' It's crazy how Asians are overpopulating colleges. Right?"

I wanted to throw the birthday cake in this woman's face. I didn't because I'm not a violent person and besides, it's not appropriate to destroy tantalizing strawberry cakes. They're delicious. So, I just sat there as other guests nodded their head in agreement. It was a long afternoon.

Asians are Overpopulating Colleges

I've heard and still hear this statement being said on a daily basis. It's usually said in a facetious sarcastic tone connoting that this fact is not only negative, but true.

Do you ever hear: "Harvard is scary because it has so many white people there!"

A Few Facts

Let's not forget that the majority of Asian-Americans in higher education are Chinese. Surprisingly, other Asian groups, such as Filipino and Pacific Islander, exist as well. And, according to our California system, about 30% of these students don't even get a change to attend Higher Educated institutions because they drop out of High School.

There are more Whites/Caucasian people (65+%) in higher-educated institutions than any other ethnic group in United States. And, for a fun fact, White/Caucasian people are the majority at UC Berkeley compared to any other ethnic group on the campus. Asians overpopulating colleges? Right.

What Gives?

Of course this statement goes beyond Asians. Find schools that aren't populated with a 'so-called' white-majority and you'll see how easily it is torn a part, made fun of, and seen as a joke. If you're lucky, you might even get a few people sympathizing with the white students because they're now considered themselves a minority (laughable Boo-Yoo).

Why can't Asians, or just people of color, be lauded for our efforts and achievements? I feel we're criticized for not 'excelling' and then when we do, you 'mock us some more.' It's a losing battle. No matter what we do, white society will never be happy with us.

The Rant

You know the woman who said that comment in the first part of this post? She was an (not so proud) Asian-American. Yes, this Asian-American has allowed herself to be manipulated and influenced by white-society to think that being 'Asian,' being 'A person of color,' in a space where white people usually dominate - is a bad thing.

I hate to pander to white society, I hate to be a constant doormat to white society, but god damn white society, give me (us) some slack! The only time I'm praised, by you, is when I fit your stereotype of excelling and doing something that coexists with your richtor-scale of comfortableness.

I feel like that five year old kid in the sandbox who is made fun of for not having the up-to-date Tonka toy truck, like the other kids. However, two days later when he does arrive to school with an up-to-date Tonka toy truck, he is teased for not wearing overalls. No matter what he does, he is going to be clowned by the other kids in the sandbox! Get it? Do you understand?

Is it really less of an academic instuation if you think it has too many people of color in it? Please...

I'm tired of catering to your rules, to see if I can be accepted in your eyes. It's time you know your place in society. Yes, know. Your. Place.

It should be time where I decide if I accept you! And, stop with this guilt that 'Oh, My God, some Asian (minority) is excluding us from his culture and *other bs*" You're really going to tell me that I'm enforcing racism because I'm not accepting you?

You're the victims? Please. Calm down. I work in the Corporate World and talk in a manner where you can understand me. I where clothes which you consider to fit your ideal of normal. I eat food in a way where you think I'm following procedural manners. Basically, I live a life (in America) where you can relate and again, coexist with your richtor-scale of comfortable.

I have been pushed, by you in so many uncomfortable situations and guess what? I've apologized, I've learned, and I've moved on. However, I feel when we hint at something that you've done, which we deem as uncomfortable, the whimpering dog approach occurs. Ouch. The guilt waterfalls poor out and a self-pity party begins. If we're lucky, you talk about your Non-White friends and other typical examples. Personally, there has only been a few people I know who have just said 'sorry' without a 'but...I'm a good person b/c' - when they've done something that was racially uncomfortable.

I feel day after day YOU have been excluding me by not accepting me. I think it's time you start proving your self-worth to us and I'll start deciding if you're acting in accordance with I think is appropriate. Wait? I can't do that because you're going to cry, be all passive aggressive, and bring your guilt to me? So laughable.

Trust me. I've been trying so hard to get my point across by being as delicate as I can. What more do you want? You want me to find a way to project and enforce 'equality' only based on your ideal white society rules?!?!? What more do you want?

I'm tired of you trying to find sympathy because of the guilt that we can breed down your throats. Accept it, own it, know your place, and stop defending your privilege - understand it - and do something about it...

Now, know that the Non-White/Caucasian population is increasing in higher education. I hope it continues to increase. Stop making fun of us for this fact and give us some credit. Don't worry there are still more White/Caucasian people in higher education, than any other ethnic group in the United States... so you should be fine. In fact, I don't know why you're complaining?

Ending Notes: To The People Who Can Relate To This Discussion

But, at the end of the day you shouldn't care, right? Why should you pander and be a doormat to how white-society wants you to act? It can be tough because you're surrounded by this pressure to act a certain way, everyday. But, I hope through time, we can just let it go...

Yes, we should just let it go and let - the ignorant White/Caucasian and the pandering ignorant People of Color to stay...ignorant.

Thank you for your time. Your readership. I hope you have a great weekend.

Embrace the Absurdity!

2011-11-30T10:29:00.001-08:00

Embrace the Absurdity!

Absurdity is located on Aisle 19 at your Life's Grocery Mart. I know it's out of your way, but plastic bottles of Absurdity keep splashing on the ground! Water, tomato juice, foam, and any other catastrophic liquid is overtaking the Aisle. Something must be done. Take control of your life and bring that slip and slide to Aisle 19!

Life Should Be Fun

Laughter, tickling, letting loose, consoling, empathy, and smiles should be pushed to the center of our lives. I understand that not every situation will have a hint of laughter or even tickling. But, once we get through the consoling part, the 'I'm here to help with your pain' part, the 'I don't know what to do' part, the 'I'm going to have a temper tantrum' part - we should then find ways to make sure that the solution ends with a smile.

What My Grandfather Taught Me About Life

My grandfather, may he rest in peace, was a WWII POW veteran of the Bataan Death March. He was surrounded by human carcasses everyday, he was beaten by the enemy with sticks, his thumbs were attached to strings as a support for his hanging, and the list goes on.

I always asked him, "Grandpa, how did you get through it?"

His smile would slowly creep up and he would say, "At the end of the day I knew I wanted to be alive, I wasn't going to give up, I was going to finds ways to survive, and all that allowed me to end the day with a smile."

ME: Grandpa? You would smile at the enemy?!?

Grandpa:...No Jonathan, I didn't smile at the enemy. I'd get shot if I smiled at the enemy.

ME: Oh.

Grandpa: I'm not you. *laughs*

ME: ....

Conclusion

Life should be fun. You should be smart enough to know your boundaries (smiling at the enemy will get you shot), but at the end of the day life should be filled with joy. I think that almost (not all) every situation has a solution where the result ends with, at minimum, a smile.

I hope you have a beautiful day!

Tell me a time where you've embraced the absurdity of life? I'm curious to hear other insightful stories (:

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

2011-11-28T01:56:00.001-08:00

No more than 30 minutes ago did I rip those letters off my keyboard. I was able to salvage what I could. The others? I'll deal with them in the morning.

I don't care about the keyboard, I don't care about the phone I threw against the wall, I don't care about the blood that is pouring out from my fingers... I DON'T CARE.

I'm JUST SO AHHHHHH!!! AT MYSELF. GOD JONATHAN! YOU IDIOT.

I'm lazy. If I wasn't lazy this site wouldn't be as lackluster as it is now. Why am I not blogging more? Why is my traffic so low? Why? WHY? Because I'm LAZY. CAPITAL LETTERS EVERYWHERE!

I AM AN IDIOT. I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO MANAGE MY TIME. FOR GOD SAKES IT IS 2:02AM. I SHOULD BE IN BED! Early to bed, early to rise... IT IS A SIMPLE CONCEPT JONATHAN! FOLLOW IT!

I AM JEALOUS. I thought it was just the anger that boiled in me when some injustice happened in my eyes. I thought I was just frustrated because a few people are just 'given' opportunities due to nepotism or some other privilege that they carry. I thought I was just annoyed at how some people are so ungrateful and so proud that they can't even say THANK YOU! OR, I AM SORRY. I WILL TALK ABOUT THIS WHEN MY MIND IS ON POINT. GUESS WHAT? I'm JEALOUS. I think about this person almost every single day of my life and I know for a fact this person doesn't care about me. Erg, I'm such an IDIOT. STOP BEING JEALOUS JONATHAN!

I HATE THAT I AM THE ONE WHO IS ALWAYS IN THE WRONG! I can't say shit because if I do - all HELL BREAKS LOSE. You know why? Because I don't have anything but the clothes on my back...so how can my word mean anything? THIS IS WHY I HAVE TO WORK HARDER

REGRET! ALL THOSE MISTAKES HAUNT ME! While I drive, while I shower, - they'll just pop out of nowhere and I'm like 'HOLY SHIT."

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF WASTING MY LIFE.

Yesterday I was standing in mass and I thought to myself, "I'm messing up."

I have all these talents and yet I'm not using them to pursue something greater than myself. Here I am laying away and contributing nothing substantial to help push my dreams (writing) forward. I graduated from UC Berkeley, I have male privilege, I'm quite articulate with my words, and yet here I am not pushing myself. I feel like crying. Fuck it, I'm crying.

The pain of doing nothing is so much greater than the pain one endures to make their dreams come true.

ENOUGH. ENOUGH.

I'm going to stop this blog and any other online projects if I don't meet my March 2011 goals. If I truly want it - then fuck it - I'll GET IT DONE.

No more sleeping in - I do not have the time nor do I have the privilege to do so... every minute of everyday must be spent wisely. For example, instead of youtube - have a nice conversation with a friend. Instead of napping (I JUST NEED 6-8 hours of sleep - THAT IS IT). The LIST GOES ON.

There comes a time where being average isn't good enough. To me average is not giving 100% to pursue your dreams. My dream is to be a successful writer and it all starts with this blog.

There is a formula:
1. Write good content
2. Network with other bloggers
3. Guest Posts on other sites - so to drive traffic to your website
4. Make your site look nice
5. Write Often. BE ON A SCHEDULE.
6. Understand your readers. Communicate to your readers. ENGAGE WITH THEM.
7. RINSE AND REPEAT.

Damn, writing this has surely calmed my senses (therapy).

JONATHAN. YOU BETTER GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER.

Making $2,500 in 3.5 Weeks 003: How to Make Extra Money Online & The Finale

2011-11-15T13:07:00.001-08:00

When I first started this challenge my main concern was making money in anyway possible (besides the rules I set). However, as time went on it became apparent how conceited, selfish, and narcissistic I was in 'trying' to make this money.

What is the value for you?

This blog is supposed to not only entertain you with 'stories' but also teach you a few things that could (?) be useful. Telling you my confessions is one thing (entertainment) - but telling you how much I'm making rather than how to make this money is... not only boring but also paints me as a very conceited person. I'm definitely conceited, but not to this extent!

Therefore, before I tell you where I'm financially, I ran across a few (free) websites that can help put a few extra dollars in your pockets.

Summary: Infobarrel.com pays you to write articles on their website. They rely heavily on their large network of readers to click on the advertisements on your page.

Pro: It is highly likely that your article will be read. Last month alone they've had over 470,000 unique visitors reach their site! Also, it is very easy to setup online advertisement accounts and receive your profits as soon as an ad gets clicked. My favorite part of this website is that, if you're an active writer, your profits grow overtime. You can write 10 articles and sign off the site. In a year, you'll still be making passive income from the website!

Con: You have to write a lot (thousands) of articles before you even begin making decent money ($100+ a month). In addition, InfoBarrel takes a considerable cut from your ads.

My Opinion: If you have the time to bust out 2-4 articles a day, don't have a website with a high traffic rating, and/or have the patience before making decent-passive income... then join the site. There are many success stories from people who make close to $2,000 a month (passive income)!!

Summary: GhostBlogger.net is essentially, ghostwriting for other bloggers. A buyer reads your article, then gives you the cash.

Pro: The website tells you the popular and high-priced articles which are (currently) in high-demand. These articles can pay up to $20 - $40 each! This is a great way to slowly build a bankroll, especially if you consider yourself a freelancer in the writing business.

Con: Anonymity and the lack of recognition can have an effect on one's psyche. The ability that you cannot grow a successful reputation makes it harder for you to build a writing career. Also, once a job is complete, it's over. The ability for passive income on this site is nonexistent.

My Opinion: If you need fast-extra change - then join the website. Even so, writing is a process that can take many hours/days and to not receive recognition for my work (with little pay) doesn't make this site ideal. Ideal in a sense that I'll give this site a try, but being fully aware that it will be a very short-term experience.

Summary: Get paid doing other people's chores! You'll have the opportunity to get paid once you qualify as a taskrabbit! This means a clean record, you must have a certain level of expertise (it varies), and a fun spirit.

Pro: It's easy to find a task as the site's traffic is booming! There are many opportunities to not only make money, but also to network. If you do really well with a client, there is a get possibility that you'll be a recurring addition to their business. The jobs are usually fast pace, which gives you time to enjoy the rest of your day.

Con: Only some locations around the U.S. are task readily available (big cities). Also, due to the abundant amount of delivery tasks - if you don't have a car or have no sense of direction, this isn't the site for you. Yet again, another site or opportunity that does not bring any sort of passive income.

My Opinion: If you do qualify as a taskrabbit, I would certainly give this a try if you're unemployed. This can really give you a good chance to meet new people and make extra cash on the side.

Now What?

I hope you learned a few things. I will be working diligently to be active on the last two sites and update your periodically. Well, now it's time to tell you where I'm financially!

My Financials:

I did not succeed. Anything deposited was always reduced from rent ($600), groceries ($100), school loans ($200), and misc expenses ($200). Though I did not succeed in this challenge, I enjoyed it immensely! I learned so much about my spending habits and budgeting. I was able to be more accountable to myself and figure out other ways to make a few extra dollars. All reasons why I started this challenge in the first place.

Where do we go from here?

As of 11/14/2011 I'm officially self/un-employed. The reason being is the political campaign has ended (elections over) and now I begin looking for future opportunities. I figure the money in my bank is a big enough retainer for at least a month. A month not working for others. A month to experiment with new 'self-made' opportunities. Will I make it? Will I start working a new company?

Who knows... but this is why life is so much fun!

---

Here are the 'Making $2,500 in 3.5 Weeks' Posts...

I Challenge Myself!
Reevaluating Spending Habits
How to Make Extra Money Online & The Finale

Making $2,500 in 3.5 Weeks 002: Reevaluating Spending Habits

2011-11-07T02:15:00.000-08:00

I'm happy I started this challenge because I've been forced to keep close tabs of my expenditures. Though it is very apparent that I spend my money loosely, there is nothing quite as helpful as knowing where and how I spend my money.

Using an external free website, I've been able to analyze the month of 10/2011:

I needed new clothing because I ripped my jeans, my shoes, and a few underwear in this month.

Yes, I was 'eating out' too much and riding 'public transportation' too often! Now knowing where and how I was spending my money, I was able to think of a money-saving game plan.

Transportation

Every morning I ride the San Francisco Subway and the Bus Transit system to work (and back). Looking through my receipts, it's an easy -$10 minimum a day to my bank account. Sneaking through the security toll booths is risky, expensive (a fine of $400 if caught), and illegal. I'm lucky enough to have a job, so I'm in no state to partake in an illegal activity to make or save money. I'd have to think of a better way!

Tell Your Supervisor Your Problem

I'm privileged to have a job with an understanding boss. I took a snapshot of my expenditures, showed him how much money I was spending in public transportation, and pleaded my case.

Me: What do you think?
Boss: Make sure that the date, the time, and the train station is written clearly on the receipt. Then, at the end of the month we'll keep what you have and reimburse you. How does that sound?
Me: Thank you!

Though I will not be reimbursed in full as I can only be reimbursed up to $200, this was still great news! Sometimes all it takes is pleading your case to the 'right' people. What can it hurt? There is nothing to lose!

Food

Laziness is the reason why I spend so much money on restaurants. I don't pack lunch or cook because I convince myself that I do not have the time to do such things. I always say, "Jonathan. You don't have time to cook - just get food from the nearby restaurant." WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! WRONG!

There is always time... to pack and make cheap food:

Specialty Super Markets

These supermarkets are like your Mackenzies, your Neighbors Delight, your Trader Joes, etc.. They sell cheap but healthy packaged products. Case in point:

These Vegetable Burritos come out to be $2.69 (plus tax) and they're delicious! 700 calories of pure goodness. This is better than going out to lunch and spending $8 - $10 on something as equal value. I'm not going to lie, I have 14 of them stored in my company's freezer. They've become my lunch.

Breakfast

Two dozen eggs, bread, milk, and cereal can last you a good 3 weeks.

Dinner

Dinner is tricky because eating packaged food isn't healthy nor productive. The idea of dinner is to make enough where you'll have leftovers for the next few days. This not only saves you time but also saves you from getting new food! Thus, I stick with chicken and rice. A bag of rice and a whole chicken can cost you no more than $25 and it can last for a whole week!

Also, Ramen noodle soup is a big favorite of mine! You can get 40 of them for $18. Also, it's great right before bed as it can warm your body with passionate Ramen noodle soup hot soup - love.

All of this has helped me survive from October 18th - November 7th 2011.

How Far Are You Into The Challenge?

I did receive an end of the month October check, however, all of its contents vanished because I had to deduct 20% of the paycheck. Then, I had to pay rent, bills, school loans, and a few people who I borrowed money from (that's all squared away). I promise to be more transparent with future income up until this challenge ends on November 15th 2011.

$1,500! You're Almost There!

Almost. Remember the job ends November 15th, which means that this is the last check of the month. Therefore, I have to make $1,000+ in eight days! It's going to be exciting as I've been researching the many different ways to make quick cash and have come up with a few ideas. Ideas I will share with you as we get closer to this end date.

My ideas are set. I just hope I push myself to follow through!

I cannot thank you enough for reading my 'privileged' problems.
---

Here are the 'Making $2,500 in 3.5 Weeks' Posts...

I Challenge Myself!
Reevaluating Spending Habits
How to Make Extra Money Online & The Finale

What Did I Do To You!? Hate Mail #1

2011-10-22T19:15:00.000-07:00

Last night I received notification of many comments that were so elegantly and spitefully directed to me. I try to be as transparent as I can possible be, so I will share them with you. Here is the first one.

Well, the site is based after my last name, my stories show me acting in true hyperbolic fashions, and manic-depressant is what a psychologist has described my disorder (hence the medication). So, I cannot disagree with this person that I'm a bit and can be seen as narcissistic, egotistical, maniacal, and eccentric.

Everything else? Um... There's more.

and more...

A total of 8-10 comments attacking me with great proclamation. The first picture comment I showed you was actually said twice more (but with different names). Also, as an example from above the "commentors" would agree or like the comment above them.

Who are these people?

Actually, it's one person. Thanks to my chatting system, disqus, I as admin can view all the e-mails and IP addresses of anyone who responds to the posts. This was implemented to track down spammers and other trolls who roam around my site.

As you can see by the IP Address - I found out that this wasn't 10 people, in fact it was only one:

The IP Address: 207.62.246.67

WHAT THE HELL?

I started to replay things inside my head, trying to figure out which person in my current life would hate me so much to say these things. I have a few guesses and I would really love to speak to this person face to face / one on one. In fact, there this site isn't even big enough to be attacked!

I'm not scared, falling a part, letting this get to me - but I'm also not letting it go entirely.

There is always some truth in when someone attacks you and I will take these words into consideration. To disagree with them entirely and give it a big middle finger would be very, very, distasteful.

I think this is a wonderful thing because it reminds me that I've made mistakes that have affected the lives of others, in a negative way. It reminds me that I'm not perfect and that are always consequences to my actions.

How I See It

As I've said before, these comments tell me that I'm not perfect.

This is my theory: This person in a way cares for me. Why? If you had an enemy who had a ton of faults - would you really want to see them join you in the realm of success (heaven / fame / whatever you define as success)? The answer is generally no. However, by telling your enemies what you hate about them and what they should fix... actually makes them stronger because they now understand different elements in their character that are flawed. This allows them to repent and BOOM - they now join in heaven!!!

My Message To This "Commentor"

I think I know who you are. I think I called you a few days ago and I apologized for my actions. It's my best assumption as at the end of the day I have no idea who you are!

As for the person who I think it is - but may not be the person - an apology will never change nor fix the situation. The mistake wasn't supposed to affect you, but it did. Once I heard what happened to you, I don't know, I fell a part. My mission is not to hurt anyone but myself (if I make a mistake).

Of course, this apology means shit. It's like a drunk driver who paralyzes a motorcyclist and apologizes. Congratulations you apologized but you're still able to walk and sleep with your girlfriend while that paralyzed soul stays... paralyzed.

So my apology means shit. But, I'm sorry.

I don't know, that is all I can say. I'm fucking sorry.

I'm always available to talk - contact me at jonathan [at] gaurano.com I'm open ears.

Ending Thoughts

I promote transparency and active discussion on my blog. However, because this person was posing as so many different people - and it was filled with so much hate - I brought it upon myself to mark the messages as spam.

What would you have done in this situation? Delete the comments? Mark them as spam? Do you think making this situation transparent was a good thing? Tell me your thoughts.

I'm telling you, it's kinda funny actually. Remember, my head is up, I'm not bitter, I'm just like - I don't know man. Oh well, *sighs* oh well. Back to work.

Honestly, I'm excited to see if they'll be more in the future! It's a rush. A wild, wild ride.

What a day.

Making $2,500 in 3.5 Weeks 001: I Challenge Myself!

2011-10-18T15:37:00.000-07:00

Making $2,500 in 3.5 Weeks - By Nov. 15th, 2011

I promised myself that I would be very transparent on this blog. I do this for you. I want to make sure that you're able to learn from my failures and successes from all my actions. This will enable you with, hopefully, knowledge that will benefit you in your life.

My recent issue is that I'm almost out of money. I usually end with a zero balance at the end of the month because my paycheck barely covers all my bills. I'm also horrible with money management (as you can see) and this is why I'm close to broke. To combat my situation I'm starting this $2,500 in 3.5 weeks - challenge. I'm starting this challenge for several reasons:

Why I'm Starting This Challenge:

- I'm Broke

Though I receive a paycheck bi-weekly, I'm noticing a trend. By the time I pay everything off I barely have enough funds to last me till my next paycheck. I hate living paycheck to paycheck, but my bills and my current lifestyle force me to live this way.

- I'm Horrible at Money Management

This is an obvious fact. I get paid bi-weekly for God's sake! I've been working at many different jobs since I graduated and I haven't saved a single penny. I'll explain what I've done wrong, but that will come in due time. This challenge will make me honest not only with you, but also with myself. I need to change, if not - how can I support myself? Most importantly - how can I support my family?

- My Company is Running Out of Money

I'm a campaign fundraiser for a political campaign. The candidate is not at the top of the polls and the election is going to be ending soon. This means motivating donors to contribute has been tougher than most months. For example: in September I helped raise $68,300, while October's total so far is only $12,270 (and the month is almost over!).

This is all public information, so I can definitely tell you these numbers.

As of right now the campaign is running out of money, which means that if I don't raise enough - the candidate might not even have the funds to provide me a paycheck on Oct. 30th! This is very, very scary. So, I must find alternative routes to put some $$ in my bank account.

- $2,500 Will Give Me Enough Room for Security

After the campaign is over (Nov. 11th), I will no longer have a job. This means I need to have enough funds to help me stay afloat as I apply to jobs and stay alive. I've been able to survive with as low as $60. However, the bills are quite different from what they were during that time.

So How Will I Accomplish This Task?!?

Hustling. I will work with all the resources I currently have to achieve this goal. Even in our economy I think making $2,500 in 3.5 weeks is a feasible goal. I just have to be persistent, creative, and tenacious. (Well, I hope I'm right my life depends on my theory to be true).

The Rules

- No Donations

To ask people to cover my financial mistakes through a donation is immoral and disrespectful. I will not allow myself to beg people for money, because I think it's disgraceful (for this situation).

- Cannot Pursue Illegal or Unhealthy Means

This should be obvious. I will not do sexual favors, sell body parts, steal, etc., to achieve this goal. I have a well functioning brain, I'm sure I'll come up with ideas that are legal.

- Cannot Borrow Money

This is will only put me in more debt.

- No Gambling

A ton of gambling is based on luck. I'd rather be lucky in my hustle - than lucky rolling a dice, slot machine, craps, poker tables, etc..

- Full Transparency

I want to be as transparent as I can in this process. I will tell you, in detail, how I'm spending and making my funds. My mission is that you can learn from all my failures and successes in this process. I want to help you succeed in achieving similar goals!

I'm going to be telling you in detail HOW I'll be making and spending my funds.

It's going to be a great learning experience and a fun ride for both of us!

Can You Get Involved?

Absolutely!! You can give me your ideas in the comments below, you can e-mail me at jonathan[at]gaurano.com, or you can also document your own progress and I'll put your information on the site!

It Begins Now

The first thing I need to do is assess the resources I currently have, budget my expenses for the rest of the week, and think of the many opportunities I have available.

I hope you're excited about this as I am! I'll write soon!

And life, if you're watching me right now... BRING IT!
---

Here are the 'Making $2,500 in 3.5 Weeks' Posts...

I Challenge Myself!
Reevaluating Spending Habits
How to Make Extra Money Online & The Finale

Confessions: Getting Her Number Without Saying A Word (Case Study)

2011-10-07T02:41:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while I confess...

September 2011

The story begins when I entered into the auditorium room and sat next to a hot girl. Not cute hot or stuck up hot, more like aloof-hot. Nice dark hair, smelled like strawberries, and bored. See, we were at a political debate forum and I knew that she was forced to be here.

I learned in the beginning that a few college students were attending the debate for extra credit. Knowing this and looking at her, I knew what I had to do... I had to hit on her!

This was a challenge sent by the heavens to see if I had enough game to get her number without getting myself or her in trouble. I needed to get her number but it had to be done without saying a word!

But How? What to do?!

I stripped and folded out a piece of paper and wrote:

And, threw it on her lap...

Are You Ready!?

I find it very useful to start with something shocking and questionable. I believe our minds are innately curious and therefore, her subconscious would be so inclined to proceed to flip the paper.

1. This works because of her non stuck-up vibe. This means that she is prone to be more playful than crumple the paper. There are different scenarios for different people.

2. She probably thought 'WTF?!' I believe that she gets hit on by demanding direct alpha-male toolbags all the time! This tactic is perfect: non-threatening, indirect, different, and a tad funny. Though a fan of both direct and indirect approaching, the latter is better when you know you'll be in an uncomfortable location, with her, for a long time.

She turns the paper...

1. Starting with Tic Tac Toe

By drawing 4 lines and an 'X' on the corner box is an easy start. Games are fun, not only because she is able to participate but also she is able to challenge you. Girls love men who can playfully-challenge them.

Adrenaline Rush! Excitement!

2. The Rapport

The girl's first move was putting the circle in the middle. It didn't really bother me because frankly, I didn't care about the tic tac toe game. It was just bait. So what if it would be a cat's game? It's like meeting a girl at a museum... the pictures are irrelevant.

I proceed to complain about her putting the circle in the middle (being 'playful'). She of course is entertained about this 'cuteness.' I talk about the guy who smells. Why? It's also good to talk and joke about the men who surround you (except your friends) in that arena. This shows how cool you are.

The 'P.S. Be Sly. Boss Watching.' comment excites the process. It tells her that this is risky business. There is always a greater emotional investment when you're a part of something that could be lost.

The next paper:

Any other time-engaging ideas!?

Always thank them when they do things they like. It's simple positive reinforcement. For example, she feels better about her self for playing along. However, I BOO her for not coming up with things.

(LOL NP. I'm not good at coming up w/ things :\)

Remember, the point is for you to challenge her. If you don't challenge her then there is no real-investment to the situation. It's my own test. I certainly don't want to think of everything, come up with everything, and be her constant mode of entertainment. I AM NOT A CIRCUS ANIMAL! Circus animals become pets (friend zone).

I want to be entertained by HER as well! But for FREE!!!

Listen, I don't want her to tell me what to do, I just want her to think on her own. I want to make sure that if she's in a dark room that she can find her way out.

NOOOO!

The other text is irrelevant. The thing that matters is I'm pushing the fact that she has yet to think of something to do. Again, I'm testing her as much as she's testing me. She's wondering how far I will break and see if I'm the type of guy that will bend over backwards for her. I'm not.

3 Facts

I really wrote 5. Why? Because it catches them off guard and it's playful. Hence the 'hahas' and the emoticons.

Jonathan, how does this tie into the challenging part?

See, most guys will tease a girl about something for too long. They keep teasing and pressing her to do something that she is unwilling. In this case, this girl is unwilling to do something impressive/creative. I decided that I'll go about it in a different way and so decided to move on.

Questions:

1. When do you bounce out of here?
Until it end -_ -

I asked this question because it gives me an estimated time of when to ask for the number. You want to ask for her number before she leaves, but enough where you both can still interact. It's never good to get the phone number and then leave. It says that you only wanted her phone number - and not her company.

2. Why are you here, then?
Political class. For a project

3. BIG QUESTION - Random Much?
Favorite Color? - Purple! :)
Favorite Hobby?- Shopping Duh? Hahah

So far we've had enough rapport back and forth that I think it's time to ask questions. When a man (who is hitting on you) is asking you questions, he is really asking, "Will you sleep with me?" This usually prompts the girl to say: 'Why are you asking?' 'Why do you want to know?' And, it defunks your groove.

This is why I like to ask questions in the middle of the conversation. She will be ready and willing to answer because we're comfortable with each other.

Hell Yes => Random

Always stick to your guns. Most guys try to change their opinions based on what she likes - DON'T!

This is why it's awesome (being random) - like I said you're pretty awesome to participate!
you're welcome :)

I remind her that we wouldn't be doing this awesome thing if I wasn't random. This makes her equate 'awesome' to me.

Then, I thank her for participating this event with me. I feel that positive reinforcement is a great thing because not only are you both comfortable, but she knows what makes you happy.

SHOPPING!? mmm. what about tennis? golf? sports?
yes shopping. I play, well I can play every sport. but I just suck badly.

Bingo. This is a big step because this comment alone tells me that she wants me to like her. How? She is trying to prove to me that she is capable of doing something that I like doing (tennis/being active). It's what men usually do with girls, just the roles are reversed.

Last Two Questions:

1. Please draw a picture - in this box
She draws picture
HAHA YESSSS! You're like my favorite person right now...
aww how nice ;)

This is what we call as compliance test. A compliance test is when you tell them to do something and if they like you (or kinda like you), they'll do it! This can be from stopping - to raising a hand. Again, you reward them for their deed.

Yes, I really liked the picture.

Shit- I must go soon - mmm - any last ideas
BTW my name is S**l** it was nice meeting you :)

It's a good thing when they give out their name without you asking, especially when you haven't given out yours. Why? It means they're interested. This point alone, after all the interaction prior, shows that she digs me.

Anyways before I go!
Finish: ( Her ) num - ber

This is a gambit. The old finish or draw me a picture method of getting a girls number. The directions are simple, just draw: ( ) -

Then, before you hand the paper to her, say or write something like, "Finish the drawing." The gambit is set. If the interaction went well she will gladly input her number. It's fun.

Conclusion.

I hope you learned that it is possible to get someone's phone number without saying a word. The key components is to shock and awe, make them feel comfortable, challenge, provide positive reinforcement, honesty, rapport, and then be forward enough to ask for the number.

Remember, this was a longer experience than most because of the situation: we were sitting down in a 2 hour forum. Therefore, this whole process was contributed to what they call as 'indirect game.' It begins non-threatening and ends full circle with a positive result.

I would like to know your opinion on this matter!
What do you think of my actions?
How does it fit in your life?
Tell me a time where you've done the same thing!
--

This is where the confession ends. This is therapy. Thank you for reading.
Sincerely,
Jonathan Gaurano

STOP Being The DEFAULT Person

2011-09-30T23:57:00.000-07:00

Do you like being picked last?
Do you like being a sloppy 10th?
Do you like being picked just because there is no other option?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, I respectfully ask that you please stop reading. I suggest coming back another day because this post isn't for you, as it will lead you nowhere.

If you said NO, please read on because it's time that you understand that you are worth more! That's right you shouldn't be picked last, it's time for you to stop chasing and waiting for that 'partner' to pick you. It's time that you understand that you should be picking them!

This is your wake up call.

When I was a freshman in college, I was that guy who was 'waiting' to be picked from that sexual being. I would sit around, hoping and waiting that this girl would pick me! Then, after I got rejected I started to understand how the 'world of game' works:

Someone is only attractive in accordance to their options

Therefore, it's a common theme that once one starts to get old and loses their 'good looks' - they're options begin to dwindle. A common theme that generally happens is then the person with the many options, sees their options decreasing. In a rush of desperation, they grab the only person that has stuck by them... you.

You're picked because you've always been there. You've been there to hold this person, talk to them on the phone (when they needed it), drive 3 hours just to help them out to move. Basically, you've been so infatuated with them that you're still hoping you 'have' a shot. Guess what, now that this person doesn't have any options, you'll be first on the list.

They will call you or initiate some sort of underlying question regarding a relationship...

STOP. STOP RIGHT THERE. DO NOT DO IT! YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT!

I know you've been waiting for six months, a year, five years, ten years... no. You must understand that every option that this person had is no longer working. Therefore, the only choice they have is you! Do you really want that on your conscious? You're just the default person. It's frankly pathetic.

Listen

I was there. I was the default guy, do you remember the story of the girl who changed my life? She would talk to me and call me when her options weren't working out. Then, once her 'sexual' drama started picking up again, she would suddenly disappear from my life.

How To Know If You're The Default Person!

1. You like the person, and though you're putting a ton of time and effort to the make them happy, they don't reciprocate any sexual vibes. Then, they proceed to not make it explicit that they 'do not like you the way you want to be liked by them.'

2. They know you like them, but don't tell you that they 'don't like you.'

3. They're not honest with you and say 'We're just friends. I know you don't like me.'

4. But the BIGGEST CLUE YOU ARE THE DEFAULT PERSON: When they realize that their options have dried up and they turn to you! This usually happens after you've wasted many months/years with the person, hoping that one day he/she picks you.

Enough!

Time is of the essence. Either they like you or they don't. It's simple as 1, 2, 3... Either they think you're attractive and you pursue. Or, you don't. There just happens to be millions upon millions of people on this earth. Therefore, if it's not going to work out with that one... NEXT.

Stop psyching yourself out that there is no one as special as 'them.' This is a lie because you don't know that. You'll only know if you start going out and pursuing others. This person isn't special, they're only special if you both have a mutual feeling the second you meet. If you have to waste months/years of your life waiting for them to 'like' you... then they're not for you.

Here are a few simple tips:

1. Look for other options.

2. Become the person's friend - but, that's it...nothing else. Please don't cave in and say 'Yes' when they finally ask if you want to be with them. Come on! It's been years. They just don't have any options. Don't fall for their trap!

3. Look for other options.

Like I've said, time is of the essence. Wasting your time with someone who doesn't like the way you 'like them' is something you shouldn't let yourself experience.

It's not okay to lie to yourself.

What do you think?

Confession: The Girl That Changed My LIfe

2011-09-19T01:44:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while I confess...

September 2006 (I was a young naive 18 year old).

Everyone has that one person that changes your perspective on relationships. In my case, this one person changed my perspective on women. This girl had a sultry tan body and a face that resembled a young Eva Longoria. I was madly infatuated with her that I would ban myself from facebook just because I knew I would be lost on her page for a good 30 minutes.

This was my downfall. I was so focused on her beauty that I forgot to pay attention to her personality, which is kind of an important factor to successfully seduce a woman. Regardless if you fake it or not, you have to learn to play with her personality (words or body language) to seduce her. Also, you should never just focus on ONE girl. This always ruins your chances because you look like a stalker, a creep, and a needy cowering man.

I was far from it, I was fixated on her looks and wasn't smooth - at all.

Yes, I was a pathetic 'average frustrated chump' who was unaware of how to use my garrulous personality to seduce women. I would blab, sweat with insecurity, and force conversation as I would talk about subjects that led nowhere.

Me: You love pokemon! Ha!
Girl: What are you talking about?
Me: Um. Um. I don't know. I'm sorry!! I'M SORRY!

Horrible.

God, you know that guy who befriends a girl and talks how they like her (everyday) - and wastes 2 years of their life hoping she would just fall into their arms?!

They laugh at all her jokes, they agree with everything she says, they may listen to her needs/wants but they don't show any value, they don't smell like sensual beings, they think that just because she hands them a napkin that she likes him, they lie to themselves everyday that they have a chance...

Yeah. This was me.

It Begins!

I was very fortunate to have her as one of my college neighbors. Then, after two months a special interaction happened.
Me: I'm here to help you with your homework
Eva: Yeah, I really need help with this. Thank you - you're so nice.
Me: No problem

Wow she said I was nice! Is this a sign she likes me!?

I thought this was a sign to ask her out. But, I didn't know what to do! So, I turned to the first person I knew who had a girlfriend - my cousin AJ.

Don't listen to AJ.

Always listen to the man who has game. I did the opposite. AJ was 24 and played World of Warcraft. In fact, they both played. He was out of shape, she was as well. He really didn't have 'game' and fell for the first woman who gave him attention (some 35 year old virgin - not by choice). He was also very misogynistic who used his girlfriend's insecurity to his advantage. For example, he once forced his girlfriend to drink two gallons of milk in front of him because she bought too much milk!

AJ: I TOLD YOU WE HAD MILK AT HOME! YOU DON'T LISTEN! DRINK.

She ended up puking 3 times and all he did was laugh. I now know it's not funny to laugh at this - but at the time I was a stupid naive kid who thought otherwise. Bad role model.

AJ: So you want to ask her out?
ME: What do I do?! AJ WHAT DO I DO?!
AJ: Do you have two balls?
ME: Waah?
AJ: DO YOU HAVE TWO TESTICLES!!!
ME: YES! YES I DO
AJ: Then, CALL HER RIGHT NOW AND ASK HER OUT!

Asking Her Out

It took me about an hour to take the courage to dial her number. Then, after a quick shower and a good 3 minutes of brushing my teeth - I pressed that green 'call' button on my phone. AHHHH!!!! GOD HELP ME!

*ring*
*ring*
PLEASE TAKE ME TO VOICEMAIL
*ring*
*ring*
*ring*

Eva: Hello?
ME: ---
Eva: Helloooo?
ME: EVA!
Eva: Who is this (never a good sign when they say this)?
ME: It's Jonathan Gaurano.
Eva: Hi.
ME: Are you busy Friday night?
Eva: No. Why?
ME: ME AND YOU! DINNER! 7PM! I'll CALL YOU THURSDAY TO REMIND! BYE
Eva: Whaa--

I hung up.

I did it! I just asked a girl out. I felt like I had balls of steel. My armpits smelled like urine, but god damn did I feel like a man!

Thursday Night

I didn't watch porn from Monday to Thursday. I wanted to make sure my mind was clean when I called her to remind her about our Friday night date. I had the perfect venue: some cheap-ass restaurant that served noodles. I even bought pre-made flowers. I was an idiot.

*ring*
*ring*
*ring*
PICK UP THE PHONE
*ring*
*ring*
*ring*

Eva's Friend (EF): Hello? Is this Jonathan?
ME: Um. What? Who is this?
EF: It's Eva's friend. She's busy right now and can't talk to you.
ME: I'm confused.
EF: Listen, I hate to break it to you but she's busy and will be busy Friday night. Sorry.
ME: Thank you.

BURN!

What did I do wrong? (I was a creepy kid with no game)
Was I not good enough? (I wasn't good enough, c'mon I was a loser)
Why didn't she liked me? (A true smooth-operator thinks 'do I like her?')

It was a sad day in Gaurano land. In these usual circumstances you start to blame the girl and call her names that she 'played me' - that she was a 'jerk' - that she was 'superficial.' I basically lied to myself and didn't own up to the fact that it was MY FAULT.

SECOND CHANCE

AJ: Okay talk to her online and say that you like her.
ME: Are you sure?
AJ: ARE YOU SCARED?!?!?!?!

AJ e-mailed me a pre-loaded script to copy/paste into her aol instant messaging box:

Hey, I'm just putting it out there that there might something here. We could test the waters out because I like you and we could try it out. What do you say?

Eva: Hey dude (bad sign when they say dude)
ME: *right click paste AJ's script*
Eva: I like you, but as a friend. I think we should stay that way because it works :)
ME: Good Idea =)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Epiphany

Though I cried in the shower for a good 30 minutes, I realized my great fortunate. I could have wasted a year of my life waiting to see if she liked me. Instead, I only wasted two months! Rejection can be the best thing to ever happen to you! Though I was humiliated, this experience struck a chord inside my heart.

Later that month I would make a pact to become a better man. I would read every book, watch every movie on seduction, and experiment with everything I had to be good at this 'game.'

Years later I would understood what I did wrong:

1. Asking a girl out via outside 'face to face' is for men who are fearful and weak.
2. Never listen to a guy who has no game.
3. Play with a girl's personality instead of stupid things you don't care about.
4. Don't focus on just one girl because you will screw it up.
5. Girls love men who are confidently and emotionally aware of themselves.
6. Girls love men who are different, but in a good way...

What else did I do wrong?
What seductive techniques work for you?

-----

This is where the confession ends. This is therapy. Thank you for reading.

Sincerely,

- Jonathan Gaurano

P.S. Here are a few confessions where I had game - and others you may enjoy:

i. From Facebook to Kiss
ii. How I got my job. Turning a No into a Yes!
iii. The Mirror Situation

Can A Man Really Love... When he's not successful?!?

2011-09-14T22:16:00.000-07:00

This is a very hetereonormative piece, which focuses on me (a male) critiquing the essence of being in love - while in a relationship with a girl. I write this piece not because I hate being in a relationship, in fact I'm very lucky!

The girl I'm with is patient, empathetic, emotionally deep, cooks-very-well, has a strong family, sexy, and really takes the time to look good... and gorgeous (of course). I feel like I just constructed a build-a-bear... mmM

Listen, a beautiful girl is another beautiful girl. There are many men who lie and tell you that the girl they like is smart, funny, independent, and all that gravy - but in reality she's just another pretty face. It's crazy what beauty can do to your mind.

However, the girl I'm with is definitely more than just a pretty face.

How do I know?

Because I analyzed her friends, how she interacted with me - beyond the bedroom, what my friends think of her, who she is in her social circle, what people think of her, how her laugh affects others, how she is actually socially intellectual, how patient she can be, how she has a great family, how she takes the time to look good, and how she is emotionally broken. By summing all these things up, I know she is more than just a pretty face.

Anyone can be independent, smart, funny, blah blah blah - but not everyone can be gorgeous and have these traits... Therefore, I know she's different.

How I fell in love?

In relationships, you don't really fall in love with the person (at first). You fall in love because of the resources they provide. In this case it was her looks, her family, the food, the atmosphere, the support, - all coming together at the right time. It's all situational.

I see the way she moves, she talks, how she interacts with others, how others are jealous of my relationship, and how she cares for me --- but do I love the way she loves me?

I don't know.

I cannot prove this love until I succeed with the dreams I have for myself in this world... and still choose - her - and be with her - faithful to her - all by her side.

Please, explain.

I have this philosophy that women are attracted to me who have status: ambition, success, wanted by other women, different... basically, Alpha men. Though many say 'personality' - in reality what matters to a women (especially when they get older) is if the man holds this status. His personality must carry some weight of 'status.'

This is why men who are celebrities/successes, men who are perceived with status, are wanted by other women. They carry this weight of status that creates sexual hormones into the women's bloodstream. It then becomes the mission of the man's personality - to make it a genuine relationship. But, the fact of the matter is - she is first with you because 'you carry some weight of status.'

- Promising potential is seen as status (if young)
- Great ambition is seen as status (if young)
- Financial security is seen as status (any age)
- Socially Wealthy is seen as status (any age)
- Ability to take care of her is seen as status (any age): this entails buying her gifts, surprising her with endless amounts of love, driving her places, etc., etc., etc.,

Personality, is a bonus:

- Personality: this is a great element because if you don't carry enough status, you can use your personality to be taken care of until you do (like me). Or, if you carry status - the likelihood of her using/cheating on you will greatly diminish.

A man that has all seven of these traits has more selection of viable women than a man who doesn't. I only have three of these traits (potential, ambition, personality) - therefore, though I can attract any women with my personality - my selection of keeping (relationship) a viable women drops significantly.

Basically, in the end - personality can only go so far because status will always be brought into the relationship. I'm not going to lie, the girlfriend wouldn't be with me if she thought I was a lazy bum who didn't have a potentially promising career ahead. I swear, she wouldn't be with me if I didn't carry this ambition to 'do something' with my life. I don't care how much she denies, she wouldn't be with me if I didn't care some ounce of status within my blood.

A man who has a car, who has the time to do whatever the hell he wants, has a house, has financial security, has friends, has celebrity - is more attractive than a man who doesn't have these things.

How does this relate to love?

This relates to love because if a man with all seven traits can basically choose any women he wants - how do I know that I'm with the right woman at this moment? I want to say I am - because I feel it - however, it doesn't really carry any weight.

I've seen so many men divorce or break up with their girl - once they reach their success - because they can! They're able to - because they won't run out of options.

Think of it this way, a YOUNG (18-19) HOT girl can choose almost anyone she chooses - because if she gets dumped/rejected - there will be another guy ready to serve her at her doorstep. Well, if you're a man with those seven traits, you become like the YOUNG HOT girl (metaphorically speaking) because you know there will always be an option for you.

Hell, if you have all seven traits and you're not a selective man - then you must be either really insecure, horrible looking, comfortable, or just have a lack game. This can be seen when a man with all seven traits picks a bimbo as his wife - she can't keep up - and they're relationship goes to shits.

I think by now, you understand what I'm trying to say...

Conclusion

I don't know if I truly love the girlfriend because I cannot 100% prove that I love her. Once I achieve my ambitious goals and push away all those other options - will I be able to prove the love I think I have for the girlfriend.

Until then, I'm only 99% sure.

What do you think? I would like to know. I'm curious.

When it's Appropriate to Provide a Fake Name

2011-08-17T22:01:00.000-07:00

My friend asked me if a girl, I was hitting on, has ever given me a fake name. A girl has never given me a fake name, so I was unable to relate to his issue. However, there have been countless times where I've given a fake name to girls and other people in this world. After realizing this fact, I started asking myself a few questions... why? Why would I give someone a fake name? Is it a classy or rude thing to do?

After several hours...

I came up with a hypothesis that there are situations where hiding your name, with a fake one, can be the best option of choice.

When it's Appropriate to Provide a Fake Name

They would rather get your phone number than do something sexual, especially when logistically it just doesn't make sense

So what if you think you've built a 'love' connection or have fairy-tale spark, it doesn't matter. If you're on two different ends of the world it is quite appropriate to provide a fake name. It's simple, two random people suddenly decide to start a long-distance relationship after a few hours of drinks? Come on... this isn't a John Cusack movie. We're in X-Land, we're talking, and we should be having sexual fun... NOW! Example:

Sexual Interest: I think you're really cool, what's your name and phone number?
Me: But, you're leaving tomorrow... Wait, where you from?
SI: Florida.
Me: ... My name is 'Will Nev Erdate' and my number is 1-800-Hope-Less
SI: Are you for real?
Me: I don't see you writing this down...

Cashiers at coffee shops, fast food chains, and all of the above - who ask for your name

80% of the customers at these joints pay by credit card. If the cashiers looked at my name on the credit card, then they wouldn't be wasting valuable seconds of the day asking for my name. Time is money, and they're not spending it wisely. Also, real life is the only place where I have a sense of anonymity to my image, why should I freely provide something that I consider private? This is definitely a situation where it is appropriate to give a fake name. Example:

Cashier: What's your name for this order?
Me: Abracadabra
Cashier: Wow, that's not your real name?
Me: How do you know? You haven't seen my Birth Certificate...
Cashier: Because your credit card says it's Jonathan. *smirks*
Me: Are you mocking me? Jonathan was given to me by my uncle who smacked me around...he's not here right now. So, when he's gone I'd like to give Abracadabra! A name my parents gave me before they died! Now give me my card back!!

People Who are Creeping On You

You're minding your own business when someone jumps out of the bushes and starts hitting (flirting) on you unexpectedly. It's fun at first, but then they start touching you, saying things that make you feel like your this person's next victim... Basically, this person is doing some creep'en. This is definitely a great time to provide a fake name. It will save your life from harm's way. Example:

Me: *starts touching their ear* Your ears are so nice...
Person: Creepy...
Me: I know it is. I'm just testing if you're smart, and it looks like you passed the test!
Person: Test?
Me: I wanted to see if you were smart enough NOT to give a creep your real name...
Person: Wow.
Me: From the looks of it, you were! Good job *high five*
Person: You're funny.
Me: I know. - *creepily touches their ears again* Aww, your ears! Peace, I'll see ya!
Person: Wait! Let me give you my real name and number!

I hope you learned something today.

When was the last time you used a fake name - and why?

Confessions: Searching for Tiger Woods at Chevron

2011-08-16T23:10:00.000-07:00

Could it be? Yes it is. That is Tiger Woods

Every once in a while, I confess...

For Fuji.
Date: December 5th, 2010

Location: Thousand Oaks, California

2010 was a really rough year for Tiger Woods: a highly expensive divorce, the Nike commercial, and his mistress's public raunchy confession... ouch. Regardless, I still loved him, my friend still loved him, and because Woods was in contention to win the Chevron World Challenge - we had to see him.

For people who don't know, Chevron World Challenge is one of the last golf tournaments of the year. It is the catalyst that charges up momentum for the following year. Basically, if Tiger won, he would definitely have a great running start for 2011!

Fuji: We're going to witness history today! I'm soooo EXCITED!

Me: A sea of white people and two dark minorities walking around? You bet your ass it's going to be historic!

Fuji: We're going to see Steve Stricker, Bubba Watson, Anthony Kim, Ian Poulter!!!

Who? What? Unlike Fuji, I don't know or care about other golfers.

Me: Fuck Steve Stricker!! I don't care! Steve Stricker sucks!

Fuji: He's Amazing!
Me: Tiger Woods! Tiger Woods!

We Arrive

I honked my horn and screamed at some 10 year old kid.

Me: TIGER WOODS!!! WOOOOHOOOOO!! ARE YOU READY!!

Fuji: Waaa - What are you doing?!

Me: He's excited as much as me...

Fuji: I don't want to get kicked out! I want to see Tiger. If you screw this up...

Me: Trust me, we will.

The Driving Range

You would think that watching men hit golfs ball would be boring.

Guess what? It is boring. The only thing that kept me entertained was the shit-talking between the pros. I don't know if you know this, but the pros of the PGA are childish men... it's awesome: Bubba Watson talking about titties, Ian Poulter looking suave, Steve Stricker being, Stricker.

Me: Dude who are those young kids? Is that a good looking Asian?

Fuji: Anthony Kim, 25. And, Rory McIlory, 21.

Me: Young! Paid millions for hitting a white ball? What ARE WE doing with our lives?!

Fuji: Must be nice.

Me: FUJI, WHAT ARE WE DOING WITH OUR LIVES!!!

Random Man: ssssh, you're too loud.

Me: Are you young and making millions hitting a white ball?

Random Man: No.

Me: Exactly.

Then, right before I could go into my tirade about our hopeless spectating life... silence besieges around the range and the spectator.

Tiger's Cop: Put your CAMERAS AWAY! No pictures of Tiger Woods!

Even the pros fell silent. All that could be heard was the sad grimacing of Tiger Woods, the grunts of the balding cop, and flatulence.

Fuji: We should get situated because people are teeing off.

Me: Let's get a map and figure this out.

The Ninth Hole

The Ninth hole is the transitioning period where all the pros become vulnerable to harm: perfect place to settle and begin heckling.

Fuji: Jonathan, I dare you to speak your mind.

Me: Don't worry, I'm Jonathan Gaurano.

Anthony Kim &amp; Rory McIlroy

Me: ANTHONY KIM. WHY ARE SO HOT IN YOUR PINK SHIRT!!!

Fuji: Did Anthony Kim just blush? He just blushed!

A good-looking Asian pro golfer is a rare thing in this world. It is only mandatory to tell this man the skills and the god-given genetics he was given.

Me: RORY!! RORY!!! LOOK AT ME! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!

I don't care for him because he isn't Tiger. However, Rory did look at me squarely in my eyes. I had something important to say to him:

Me: WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!?!?

Ian Poulter

Me: IAN!! I LIKE...I LIKE THE WAY...YOU... WALK!!

He stared at me with a very confused look on his face. It was one of the worst stumbles I had of the day. The crowd around me even pointed and laughed at my face. Oh well...

Mrs. Chong

After making ruckus I was finally approached by a wise aged woman named, Mrs. Chong. She was about 5ft 4', charming, and very sweet security volunteer. Her job is to keep silence and order in the crowd. Though small, she was good at her job.

MC: Are you both causing trouble?

Fuji: He means no harm.

Me: I saw you laugh. I think you love us.

I don't know what it is with wage-aged woman...but I usually do well with them. I think the key for success is to treat these woman as if they were your friend. Most people bow their heads or stay silent or call them Mamm. Basically, be playful and fun!

Me: I want to hug you...but, I don't know if you're ready for a hug *flirtatiously*

MC: Awww. Fine, give me a hug!

The 18th Hole

Though we had a fun time with our antics on the 9th hole, we were unable to get a good glimpse of Tiger Woods. When he approached the 9th hole, the crowd overpowered us and pushed us like cattle.

Me: We can't let that happen to us again. We need better seats.

Fuji: This is a golf course, seating is unassigned.

Me: Where is the 18th hole? Let's sit there!

The 18th hole is where the party is crack'in. People lined up with lounge chairs, blankets, beer, hot dogs, - the place to be... Tiger Woods was arriving soon and we had the best seats in the house. When suddenly:

Man: Get out of my way.

Fuji: Sir, you're in our space.

Man: No, I've been saving this seat.

This 'man,' this 'asshole,' was about 6ft'2 drunk who didn't know better but to maul everyone with his height. No brains, just brawl...fucking asshole. We couldn't see a damn thing.

Me: What's 1+1?

Man: What? I don't understand

Me: You're a liar.

Man: What?

My goal was to distract him by confusing him with logical games. I don't know, it seemed like a good plan. It certainly brought attention.

Man: Stop with these games! I was saving these seats

Me: It's a space you moron. Not a seat.

Man: You don't talk to your elders like this!

Me: I just want to see TIGER!! OKAY? Now leave before you say more stupid things.

Man: I AM 3times YOUR AGE!

Me: And you're an idiot!

Man: SECURITY!

This man actually called security on our ass. Who does that? I thought for sure they were going to throw us out of the golf course because, let's face it, two Asian kids are rarely given any sympathy in these types of situations. But, in comes - Mrs. Chong!

MC: What's going on here? Are you two causing trouble again?

Man: They are being distractions -

Me: Mrs. Chong, this man is trying to bully us when clearly we had this space first.

Man: I was here first!

Me: He's acting like a child. This is stupid to fight over a space, but come on...this guy has got to grow up! He is berating and heckling us!

MC: Jonathan, but you were being disruptive earlier, as well...

Me: But I was respectful, entertaining, and funny! All things this guy was not.

Man: Fuck you.

MC: That's it! Get out of here! Go! Go!

Man: ME?

MC: SECURITY!

I love you Mrs. Chong. I hope I see you again, you are my hero.

Tiger Woods

This is the point of the story. We finally saw him arrive at the 18th - tied for the lead, we took photographs, we laughed with our loved ones, we cheered, we screamed out his name, there was a playoff, there was sudden death, there was some side betting action at the end, there was hope, there was the Tiger fist pump, and then... he lost.

Every fan felt like Tiger Woods on that day, disappointed. He is expected to win because he expects himself to win. He left the the golf course with grace and, we could only see a hint of a tear from his eyes. I tried to reach out, but he left.

By the time the winner (Grame McDowel) opened his mouth to thank everyone for his win, the crowd had already dispersed. And, we were already in our car.

Fuji: You know what?

Me: What?

Fuji: Today was a good day.

Mrs. Chong doing her thang!

What a Great Day!

-----

This is where the confession ends. This is therapy. Thank you for reading.

Sincerely,

- Jonathan Gaurano

P.S. Here are a few more you may enjoy:

i. How I got my job. Turning a No into a Yes!
ii. The Mirror Situation
iii. Soaked the bed...at 10 years old
iv. From Facebook to Kiss

Gotta Have It? You've got to Want It!

2011-08-15T23:59:00.000-07:00

I Hate it when people say: I Have To...

You don't have to work, you don't have to use the restroom, you don't have to get up in the morning, you don't HAVE to do anything...

This 'have to' mentality is a horrible way to lead your life because you're chaining yourself to ideas that are structured by someone else's rules. I think it's time you listen to yourself, listen to your gut, and do the things you that will work for you. Therefore, your mentality should be focused on the things you 'Want,' not the things you 'Have To Do!'

Am I confusing you?

To help you better understand this concept, I will now provide examples:

Examples

I have to work because I need to live. {vs} I want to work because I'm hungry.

I have to brush my teeth because of my dentist {vs} I brush because I want white teeth.

I have to do this if I want the promotion {vs} I do this because I want the promotion.

I have to work because my family needs me {vs} I want to help out my family

I have to clean because the house is dirty {vs} I want to clean because it'll look good

I have to stay up because of work {vs} I want to stay up because I want to get it done

Do you see the difference? A simple change from have to want - produces a specific goal to follow, creates work to be done with more effort, and motivates you to reach your highest potential. It creates your mind to be free instead of enclosed in a box.

'I have to' is a statement of disapproval. How many times have you wanted to stay at a fun-filled activity, but realized you had to leave because of some appointment:

"I'm so sorry but I have to go..."

It's a downer. Imagine your work life, your love life, your family life... is all something you 'have to' do? This mentality will eventually break you into a state of depression: every movement will seem like a brick-wall is being chained to your ankle. You're stuck.

By changing your life motto to an 'I want' mentality, you are creating a world that fits you. It's not selfish because every action you pursue, will be true.

Talking to myself: Anger and Direction

2011-08-12T21:48:00.000-07:00

I'm twenty-three years old and I've barely started my life. People call me lucky because I have a job, I have a college diploma, I have a girlfriend, I have a social life, I have resources to pursue different career paths, I have love, and most importantly, I have life. I'm considered fortunate.

Hell, I am fortunate.

Then, why am I crying? Why do I want to hurt? Why do I want to rip the skin from my face?

I'm angry. I'm angry because currently, I am not content with my life. Even as I write this post I cannot help to keep myself from taking this laptop and slamming it into a wall. I'm talking about holding the laptop into my hands banging it over. and over. and over. and OVER AGAIN!

...I will not stop until the wreckage of its pieces lay motionless, torn into different parts, and a voice of no more. However, I hold myself together because this laptop is expensive. I've learned to be particular when destroying and throwing items out of anger. For example:

It is better to throw an ice cream sandwich than a phone at a brick wall. It is better to throw a pencil than a knife into a wooden door. And, it sure is better to throw a pillow than a paint can on the carpet. I know, from experience. Not only will there be less mess, but you'll save money and valuable time.

I'm angry because I'm twenty-three years old and I'm a disappointment. Friends, family members, mentors, and even people who I meet say otherwise. I say 'thank you' but I would rather here the truth:

Jonathan you are a piece of shit. Get yourself together and do something with your life! Stop complaining and find some direction. Go out and push further than every before. Mediocrity is worthless and you aren't even close to mediocre.

I want my head slammed into these words. I want someone to crush their knuckles into my head, I want someone to turn my body into black, blue and red marks. I want someone to give me pain, pain that I've been missing for years! I'm ready. I will be a good boy and smile as you have your way destroying my body. It'll feel good because it will cleanse my body. I know from experience.

GOD!! I. crave. pain. Come on!! GIVE IT TO ME!

This is the Easy Way

I would rather receive pain than deal with the pain I'm giving myself. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and seeing failure. I have dreams, I have goals, and I have yet to even dig my foot into the ring. I'm so far away that I can barely smell the sweat. It's pathetic.

I can barely look in the mirror because I'm ashamed of what I've done: it's not grandiose, it's not awe-inspiring, it's lackluster and it needs work. This is why I would rather leave the responsibility to someone else to destroy my face, than me knifing up my face into a mask.

I would rather have you verbally berate me with your worst, because I'm tired of hearing my own voice. When I hear those disdainful words I can only smile, nod, and agree with ebullience. (this is why many of my former bosses would look at me in confusion when they've lectured me)... Who am I to retort back? I have yet to accomplish my goals and I'm certainly not a made man. No one will respect or really listen to you if you are nothing. Therefore, I have no other choice but to stay silent. It's how the world works. And, I think it's fair.

I'm unable to hate or criticize anyone without feeling guilty. I want to. But, I hate myself even more.

This is the point where you're probably rolling your eyes. I assume this because that is exactly what I would do in this situation. I would shake this person and say, 'Suck it up! Are you kidding? What a loser!'

Exactly! THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I AM ANGRY!

Begin Clarity

I'm angry because I find myself sympathizing my current situation. I would rather have pain inflicted on me because I am unable to do something about my downfalls. I'm reaching out, instead of fixing myself from within. I'm lazy, stupid, selfish, and craving pity. This is making me even angrier! I have to stop. STOP!

Do something about it...

I will. I must. I will find a way. I'm trying.

Trying is not good enough. It is going to be done or I am going to die. It begins, right now. I will not disappoint. Frankly, I will not disappoint myself.

This is easier said than done because I've said all these things before. After a long tirade, my body and my brain smooths out like butter because I was able to release all my anger through a positive outlet. In this case, writing this blog post.

In these twenty-three years of my life, I am slowly following this aforementioned mantra because now I just go forth and do it. I no longer think, make plans, write down my goals. My goals are already in my head. I just have to locate the resources that will get me started and begin. This is the only thing I'm proud of... I am so far away from where I want to be and IT IS NOT OKAY!!

Begin Direction

I realize that it isn't money. I thought it was but then I realized how money comes and goes - and how easy it is to make it. Money is not a factor to what I consider success. I believe many people think this is true, but I really don't care. My goal is about movements. Sparking movements.

I now have this in place, where do I go from here? I go forth and I push myself to write, I push myself to try new career paths, I push myself to everything and anything... because I'm lucky. I'm fortunate. I've been given something. And, god be damned if I waste my life.

Get it together!

What I ask of You

Even though this post is setup in a manner where it seems like I crave sympathy. Ironically, I do not.
Instead, I want you to think where you've gone wrong in your life and how you're going to fix it. Or, tell me why you're happy with your life.

I'm craving to hear your story...

is anyone listening?

Masturbation

2011-08-11T23:17:00.000-07:00

To be honest, I hate masturbating.

It's boring. It's something I try to rush. It's depressing. There even has been times where I've cried while masturbating. No matter the thumb techniques, the hand movements, or the special creams, I always find myself wondering where I went wrong. This thought is especially alarmed in my mind when I 'finish.'

I always wipe myself in disdain and in shame. This is then followed when I come out (yes) screaming:

"Jonathan - NO!! What did you just do? Why would you do this!"

I can't even bare to see myself in the mirror because all I do is shake my head (above the neck) in disapproval.

Why didn't I stop? Frankly, why couldn't I stop? Do I not have discipline - self control?

I'm not filled with religious masturbation guilt. I merely hate masturbating because I hate feeling like a pervert, a loser, social outcast, and a lazy bum. It's not fun.

Pervert

I'm sitting in a room all alone with a headset attached to my ears. Already this notion makes me feel like a creep. I watch (I rarely imagine) naked people who are trying to pay for their cocaine habit. It's sickening. I look into these people's eyes (in the video) and I see so much pain. I feel these 'stars' are reaching out to the screen by screaming through their eyes: "HELP. ME!"

I'm pleasing myself to exploitation. I'm a pervert. Look away.

Loser and Social Outcast

Am I that much of a loser that I'm unable to find another human to have fun with? I'm talking about genuine-consensual-hedonistic-safe-sexually fun activities with another human. 'Palmado' or 'Palmada' does not provide entertainment, conversation, or simply, a face. To do this in a room all by myself, reminds me that I'm not pushing myself to activate my full potential as a human being.

Laziness

30% of all masturbation situations arise because of boredom. I'm at my desk, twiddling my thumbs instead of doing my projects... and then BAM! I'm day dreaming instead of focusing on new ideas... and then BAM! I'm idling laying on my bed instead of going outdoors and exercising...and then BAM! I'm in the library and decide not to read my notes...and then BAM!!

This is a constant reminder that I'm not busy enough, that I'm not taking advantage of my resources, and that I am taking my life for granted!

Stop Masturbating?

That's crazy, it's like dipping Augustus Gloop in chocolate and telling him not to lick himself.

Instead, I found a simple compromise to remedy the situation. It has become my mantra and my way of life. It's the reason why I no longer feel lazy, perverted, unaccepted by society, or a loser. This was and still is the promise I've made to myself:

I'm never going to masturbate, alone, ever again.

How Bad Do You Want It?

2011-08-09T21:53:00.000-07:00

"This is what I believe, and I am willing to die for it" - Will Smith

This is a mere inquiry from a twenty-something year old neophyte:

How bad do you want it?

Your goal, your mission, your desire, your elusive dream...

Seriously, how bad do you want it?

What do you Want?

Before we begin you must know what you want. Anyone can say:

"I want happiness"

"I want to change the world"

"I want to be rich"

"I want to start my own business"

Be specific, because if what you want is too broad then you're headed nowhere.

Now that you know what you want, let's begin.

Stop Bragging

I hear many of my peers say, 'I want to accomplish _____!' They talk, they dream, they sit there telling stories of the steps they've taken that is enabling them to move forward. In addition, they call themselves humble while voluntarily spitting out:

"How much they're accomplishing"

"How they're better skilled than everyone"

"How hard they're working"

"How they just accomplished XYZ"

"How they can survive in the world without any help"

The key word is voluntary.

I lecture with experience in this matter. I'm not saying you can't say these things-you can. But if you weren't asked, then proclaiming these accomplishments only makes you look like an asshole. Remember, there is a difference between being pompous and answering with the truth. The same facts will be said, but the latter makes you perceived as awesome.

Therefore, if you weren't asked: "How are you?" "How's work?" "What are you up to now?" Then, please stay silent and go on with your business.

Bragging delays the process of achieving your primary goal because when you hype yourself up too much, you feel like you've already accomplished the goal. It means you don't really want 'it' that bad. You're fine with mediocrity because you've told everyone that you have 'it' already.

Stop Being a Downer

A downer is a horrible trait to have because you're hiding the truth, you're hiding your skills, and you're not giving yourself a chance to succeed. A downer is someone who takes the easy way out because if they don't succeed at least they can say: "I told you so."

A downer always complains about what they lack... and does NOTHING ABOUT IT! It's frustrating because they're essentially limiting themselves, when you know they can do more.

Complaining about the skills you lack is a good thing: you're admitting that you're not perfect. However, stand up and keep pushing forward!

Also, there is a difference between humility and being a downer. When a 'downer' succeeds you always seem to hear their responses to be, 'I'm not that smart' or 'It was just luck' or 'It was a fluke' - please. This not humility, instead you're projecting yourself to be a jerk because you're not appreciating the lauds given by your fans.

Lastly, a downer will intentionally hide information from an inquirer because they want to look like that they're humble beings. Quite the opposite, it makes you look pompous because you're telling the inquirer that they're not worth your time. If you're asked about a skill set you possess, unless they're your enemy, tell them because it enables networking and can spark motivation.

Every time I inquire about a friend's skill set, I'm awestruck and motivated when they tell me the good things that are happening in their life.

Being a downer limits yourself from reaching your highest potential. It means you really don't really want 'it' that bad because you're not allowing yourself to accomplish your goal.

Accept Your Mistakes

It's inevitable that you're going to make mistakes. I've made tons of mistakes, and one of the worst responses I used to give was:

"But, you know me"

"I'm a good person, I just - "

"You know me - I am a hard worker - but"

"I would never intentionally hurt someone"

"I am strong in this skill set, I was just having an off day"

Guess what? It doesn't matter. As I'm always reminded, 'the proof is in the pudding.' Regardless of intent, regardless of what was assumed, if a mistake was made then all you can do is accept the consequences.

Please do not overboard. There are times where you can be falsely accused and this is where you must retort back. However, more times than none you will make a vocal and noticeable mistake. Own up to it by understanding and listening to why your actions were considered a mistake.

I believe you should apologize, ask more questions to the details of the mistake, and begin learning ways to improve so it doesn't happen again. This step is crucial because it actually shows that you want to LEARN from the mistake. Anyone can shrug off and say 'Oops, sorry, it won't happen again. I'll watch what I do around you.' Asking questions and listening shows that you want to improve. It shows that you did have 'good intent' you just made a mistake.

I'm going to say this profoundly!

If you think you're good at learning from your mistakes, you're a liar. I would also be a liar if I pronounced that I followed a humble process when making a mistake. I will say that no one does, because everyone thinks they're right.

Even when the mistake is obvious do people try to justify their actions. Own the mistake and deal with the consequences. This is important because if you're not learning from your mistakes, then you don't want 'it' that bad. How can you move forward if you're unable to improve?

Have Confidence

Think positively and believe in yourself.

Confidence is something inside of you that others can feel. It's a presence that elicits that I can do this, I'm made to do this, I will show the world what I am capable.

A confident person appreciates their own hard work and also appreciates others who have helped them along the way. A confident person projects motivation and inspiration all wrapped up in a scent of hard work.

Confidence is a defining factor if you're going to achieve your goal. You will fall, you will make mistakes, but you have the confidence that everything will work out. If you have confidence it means you want 'it' bad because you know you will achieve this elusive dream. However, confidence is a mere element to achieving what you want.

The most crucial element is that you are willing to die for the goals you have in this life.

You are Willing to Die!

I'm serious. If you're willing to die to accomplish your dream, if you're willing to sacrifice every inch of your body to capture 'it,' if you're willing to shed blood when working for your cause... then you definitely want 'it' bad.

If you're not willing to die, then it means you're not going to reach the apex of your potential. Why? Because you're wasting your life and the time of others who are trying to push you forward.

When you give blood to capture your dream - you may disappoint - but you will never die in shame.

How Bad Do You Want It?

Why I Was Unable to Write! (8.8.2011)

2011-08-08T23:40:00.000-07:00

Hello,

I understand I have a writing challenge setup where if I don't write, you get paid: Link Here

I was unable to write anything substantial today because - I've been celebrating my birthday!!!

I count this day as a holiday! Therefore, to all the challengers who were ready to snag ten dollars from my wallet, I must apologize - not today. Thank you for understanding.

Good night. Good luck. Thank you for reading! I will see you tomorrow!

Inane Comments of the Past Six Months

2011-08-05T20:03:00.000-07:00

This girl isn't my friend (or fb friend). I don't have stupid friends.

Also, I made a promise a few weeks back that I would never

publicly humiliate a friend on this blog.

I say a lot of crazy and offensive things. However, I'm not going to be selfish and silence others. Instead, I'm going to write down the most annoying and inane comments I've heard in the past six months and, critique them. To qualify, these comments must have been said where my ears were present. Specifically, their sound waves must have been in my general personal bubble.

These comments were said in front of my face. Regardless if these comments came from a soulless creature to a well-intent monk, they were said and implanted in my mind.

Let's have fun. Let's begin.

1. "She tries all these clothes and buys one shirt. Hindu's are so SHADY!"

ME: Woah! First off, she was Muslim - not Hindu. Secondly -

"Muslim, Hindu, there is no difference."

This is the same manager who let me go because I was talking a little to much with the customers.

2. "You're not supposed to respond to the CEO's announcement with 'Wow.' You're supposed to stay silent and nod your head. People are going to think you're retarded."

I did pronounce a big 'Wow' during the company meeting and it turned heads. However, I find this comment offensive because of the word 'retarded.' As a person who has a mental disability, I'm not a big fan of that word. Nor, am I a fan of people degrading others because of their mental disability.

3. "I don't know why people are complaining. White people are no longer the dominate race in American society"

I looked around and then had to remind this woman that 14 of the 16 new hires were...white.

4. "I'm not getting call backs for interviews, because non-profits discriminate against white people"

Um, okay.

5. "I hate Chinese people!"

ME: But, you are chinese.

"I am. But, I'm different."

What exactly does this mean? At the end of the day you're still going to be Chinese, when you look in the mirror - guess what? Still. Chinese. Embrace who you are, as long as you're not being offensive, embrace the Chinese that you were born with. It makes you, you.

These are but a few that were buzzing in my head today.

Do you have any memorable inane comments from the past six months?

Perception Is Everything

2011-07-29T22:44:00.000-07:00

It doesn't matter how hard you think you work, how great you think you are, or how you think of yourself. All that matters is how people think of you. The world is based on perception and even though you may think it's unfair, it's how it works.

Do you really think you're going to get ahead based on what you think you do? I'm sorry, but not everyone is a superstar and it's apparent when you hear people's criticisms.

Take for example, my current job. Based on the positive client reviews of my work and the time I was spending on each project, I thought I was doing great. I was on top of the world!

However, when I received notice, from my boss, that the quality of work I was producing was 'substandard' - I fell back into my chair, humbled.

(This blog, my facebook, or my linkedin will never tell you where I work)

As much as I want to fight this clause, there is nothing I can say because they're right. All I can do now is work even harder and wait to see if I'll get fired in a week.

That's Correct

They wouldn't be e-mailing me if I was producing quality work. The client reviews do not matter, what matters is what the higher-ups think of my work. And, I can only blame myself because I've left a very bad perception in their eyes. Here are but a few examples:

I am a magician: It's on my resume and my co-workers have also introduced me as such. I've strayed away from performing at work, unless told do so, and even then - this leads higher-ups to perceive me as someone who loves to entertain (instead of work) and has a lot of time on their hands.

I have this blog: This blog, besides being known as having little to none traffic, is too honest, too blunt, and way too controversial for corporate companies. This blog has essentially made it harder for me to get a job, and this will prove once again, if I get fired.

I'm awkward: The content in this blog should tell you enough! I'm a manic, I'm confusing, I say things that shouldn't be said, and I'm known to seek attention. And, because I'm not famous, all these qualities makes me seem like a very uncontrollable-volatile-awkward person.

Therefore, when I come in to work, all eyes are focused intently on the things I'm doing. I've essentially made it harder for myself to make a decent living in the corporate world. Shit.

My perception is so engrained in everyone's head that a small mistake is seen as a gargantuan one.

My Own Perception of Myself

I'm silent when I work, which can be seen as me spacing out because I'm known to talk. I ask a lot of questions, which can be seen as me galavanting around and distracting others.

Yes, I'm all those things above. However, when I work, I work. I sit down on my chair and focus on the task at hand. I do make mistakes here and there, but I trudge on because I know it will be rewarding. People who work next to me or watch me from the distance, see how hard I work. They know that the only thing that makes me happy is putting a smile on a client's face. I think my sweat and the good reviews have proven that I've done it successfully.

Whatever. It Doesn't Matter, They're Right

Let's face it, I wouldn't be in this spot if I truly 'practiced what I preached.' My perception is but a mere virtual reality of my real workflow. I do recall the first two days of work where I made a complete fool of myself... actions that probably left a very impression. I do recall not understanding a concept the first time, asking too many questions the second time, and distracting a co-worker due to my excitement.

Yikes.

Does This Mean I'll Be Proving Them Wrong!?

No, I'm not. I'm going to prove them right by fitting into their mold of what they think is right! Listen, I want to keep my job. I'm going to work as hard as I can to be perceived as a hard worker. Yes, this means I'm going work hard to stay silent, to shut my mouth, and to become a robot. I am going to bind myself in their rules.

Why?

I'm not famous or proven to be an exceptional worker at this company, therefore I cannot be a self-starter. A self-starter is one who takes the initiative to go beyond the mold and start something extraordinarily awesome. But, a self-starter only gets rewarded if they succeed. I have yet to succeed, so I must and I will follow the mold or else, I'll be terminated.

I am going to prove that I belong in that company.

Conclusion

Perception is all that matters. People who say that 'it doesn't matter what people perceive you to be' are either a) proven to be successful in their craziness or, b) failures in their craftsmanship.

As of right now, I'm falling into the 'failure' category. I cannot try to be a self-starter because I haven't earned the right. Therefore, there is no other choice but to work hard for acceptance. The ability to stay in a cool company, with security, is too enticing to give up!

So, the next time you think that 'people's perception of you don't matter,' please reflect on the title you hold in society. If you're the boss of your own life, then you're right, the opinion of the naysayers don't matter anymore. If you haven't made it yet, please listen to those naysayers because they're right. It's time to get your act together, change, and adapt to their perception of what winning means.

I've learned from all the jobs and leadership experiences I've carried in my life that "what your boss and the naysayers think is true," is true.

Cliche as it may sound, 'if you can't beat them - work your ass off to join and please them.' I'm not giving up, I'm merely making improvements.

Did you learn anything? What do you make out of all of this?

Why Netflix Will Destroy Your Life!

2011-07-27T21:42:00.000-07:00

Netflix is wonderful if:

1. You're lazy
2. You love paying for defecation
3. You have nothing better do with your life
4. You love being LIED to!

A few days ago I thought it would be nice to do something good for our country. I figured that since I had a job in our (United States) current financial disaster, it was obligatory of me to give back. I made the decision to purchase a Netflix subscription.

Rather than download all my movies and television shows for free, on an undocumented free website, I would pay for them. I was simply creating more job openings because when you help a United States company grow they hire, within the states, to fill the demand.

It was a horrible idea.

Why?

I don't know if you're like me, but I hate it when people lie to my face. I've developed this philosophy when I was five years old: my father told to me that there was a boogy-monster who lived under my cute dog's crate - and that the monster would rip him into doggy bits if I didn't sleep by bedtime.

Well Dad, guess what!? YOU LIED! LIAR!! There were many days where I didn't sleep by my bedtime and the dog was perfectly fine the next morning...except the morning where he was hit by that car.

DAMN YOU CAR!!! I miss you!

(He was such a good dog)

I take lying very seriously.

Therefore, when Netflix says: "Instantly watch as many movies as you want" They're lying to you!

What?

They're lying to you!

How?

I like to watch the classics. And, every time I searched for a movie that I WANTED to watch I would get a signifier that told me that my classic - was unavailable.

One of the best World War II movies of all time.

"Don't tell me you don't love me..."

Nicolas Cage. How can you not love this movie?

That's right, there is an additional fine if you want to watch the classics!

They Also Lie About...

They're filthy liars.
--

Lastly

I don't know what happened but as soon as I paid for the subscription I got sucked into the system. I ended up watching Netflix for more than 4+ hours a day watching shit that didn't even matter. I became a slob of lethargic proportions! God, I feel like I just wasted the last 4 nights and 1 day of my life. Hours I will never get back!

Life is better spent talking to with your loved one, writing, taking a shower, eating... Netflix really destroys your productivity because unlike downloading free material, you know have to make it mandatory to rot your brain.

I unsubscribed today, I'm out of Alcatraz! I'm FREE!!! That's the way it should be, especially if you live in America. If Capitalism hasn't taught you anything, it's about teaching you how to take advantage of anything and everything for your benefit!

Because the paid stuff rips you off, I’m going to return to the people who really care about my needs. Yes, thank you undocumented websites that have downloadable movies and television shows for free. I love you!

Don't subscribe to Netflix, it'll just make your life worse...

Comment by telling me what you think of my opinion and Netflix.

Why MC Hammer SUCKS as a DJ... and why I'm jealous!

2011-07-22T22:48:00.000-07:00

I'm touching MC Hammer.

This celebrity DJ'd at my company's party and he was AWFUL.

Why should I, the reader, care?

Unless you're MC Hammer, there is no point for you to care. If you were looking to read something influential or something to give you a hint of inspiration...come back at a later date. This post is as moving as a turtle on adderall.

I'm just letting you know that this $1,000-an-hour DJ does not know how to mix, scratch, or create a nice sound beat. He is better as a financial planner than a DJ.

The Scene

A 49 year old man steps on stage wearing all but black. His shades at 8pm covers the underlying puffed baggy eyes he carries from these late-night corporate events. He looks around the room darting his smile and head in different directions waiting for the crowd to service on the dance floor. The story is in his sweaty soaked palms, which tell us that this man is insecure. His sparkling smile hides his ever shaking knee. He looks up to God and wonders what went wrong: he was selling out vast concerts across the nation and now he's DJ'ing for corporate companies AND he's nervous!

He then begins to talk to himself:

"Do I still got it? Come'on MC Hammer! You're MC Hammer! I Got This!"

He pulls out a briefcase and takes out his equipment. It isn't a mixer or a scratcher or a turntable, it's a Macbook Air. Flips it on. Plugs the speaker chord into the laptop. Pulls up Itunes. Clicks on 'Party Mix - Top 40' and presses the play button.

You Heard Right!

Four hours of his Itunes PLAYLIST!!!! A drunk ass 40 year old man playing the top Pop and R&B 40 party songs...of 2007!!! What the hell!!

Why I'm Jealous!

Because he's MC Hammer and he gets people to enjoy this shit. No one complained, no one boo'ed, hell - even during the third hour when his laptop fell asleep, people still danced. What's worst is that when he plugged his laptop into consciousness the audience started celebrating like he just saved a baby seal!!

I don't even care about seals, but I would definitely cheer harder for a baby seal saver than ever cheer for MC Hammer's DJ skills!

To rub it in my face my co-workers have now started to propagate facebook with pictures of MC Hammer DJ'in, smiling, and giving multiple high fives!

Here's one of the comments: "MR. CAN'T TOUCH IT HIMSELF DJING! BAD ASS"

My co-workers are right. The ability have so much of an impact playing your Itunes playlist is, you have to admit, pretty awesome. Either I'm missing something or I'm missing something.

Why I'm Jealous

I'm jealous because if I did something of this caliber, I don't think I would be given the same response. In fact, I know I wouldn't be given the same response! Lay people across the world always say that they're more talented and smarter than most celebrities. However, if you started playing your itunes playlist - would you be able to move a crowd of people, make people scream your name, and get people to ask for a picture and your autograph!? No, I don't think so... this is why I'm jealous.

This man creates movements in society.

Oh, celebrity infatuation!

My Message to MC Hammer!

I'm not going to lie, you're a nice guy and a badass in my book. If you ever come across this page, (it's one in a million chance), I want you to know a few things.

I know you're a celebrity but it would be nice if you didn't call yourself a DJ. Please, stop lying. I would rather you call yourself, "Professional Itunes playlist clicker!" Not only would I give you more respect but I would also give you more Itunes playlist street-cred as well.

The songs you chose, from 2007, worked well.

MC Hammer - peace, love, and I hope you the best.

Confession: Fired! What Now?

2011-07-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, I confess...

June 30th 2011:

"Jonathan, we have to let you go..."

The company I used to work for, the company that did not want me, then hired me, said goodbye to me. Though the experience of how I got the job from them was exciting, personally they were right. I wasn't fit for their company and they sent me away like a five year old kid sent to timeout.

I didn't match up to their standards, they gave me as much patience as they could, and I failed them. Hell, even I knew it was coming. This is why when I received that phone call I wasn't sad, I wasn't upset, and I certainly didn't give up hope.

It was a great learning experience but it was time to move on.

So, there I was, fired. The rent was due in a couple of days and I could only ask myself one question:

What Now?

You Cannot Do It Alone!

I texted and called all of my networks. "NOOOO! I just got let-go! Terminated! I'm looking for a job!"

"Dude, are you okay?"
"Yo, check out Monster and Careerbuilder - they're job openings there!"
"I'll ask a few people and see what's up, I'll let you know!"
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!!!"
"I'm praying for ya!"
"I'm sorry. That sucks."
"WHAT THE FUCK!! WHAT HAPPENED"
"You're a moron."

I felt like a moron, I felt like I let a whole mess of people down. Respect and pride was at stake, it was very crucial I got a job, quick! That Friday, I didn't apply to anything. I did however understand how lucky I was to have a base of friends who were willing to help.

Trying to Make Ends Meet

When I awoke that Friday morning I went straight to Craigslist. Due to my unstable financial budget and the rent payments soon to come, I needed cash. I searched craigslist for quick labor intensive jobs. I can rake leaves. I can mow grass. I can definitely cut a tree.

Prostitute and sexual favors? No, I find it immoral and most importantly, I don't have a license.

I found a couple babysitting jobs and sent them an e-mail hoping for a reply. I got a few promising ones but they wanted me to buy their a kid a plane ticket from Italy to the United States. Listen, I'm not a fan of babysitting a kid for a month! I respectfully declined.

I also went around local shops asking them if they were hiring: Thai restaurant, pizza places, game shops, etc...

No responses. Out of luck, down and out. That morning really tore me a part.

Strategy

Still being Friday I went to the local Starbucks. No, not to buy a cup of coffee but to use their free wifi. It's very crucial to use as many resources you again, without spending a dime.

Starbucks is a well lit area that acts like a library. Turning off facebook and twitter I was on like donkey kong on nintendo 64! Updated my resume and posted it on Careerbuilder.

Waiting, sucks. Earlier in the year I've learned that a resume is a resume. However, serious firms will look at you if on their application they ask you for a cover letter. In addition to that, Careerbuilder is notorious for having internet trolls trying to recruit you to their insurance companies. I don't know about you, but an insurance job, sucks. I'm not one to screw over my family and friends all for a quick dollar: not respectable at all.

Therefore, I searched on the internet looking for companies who I thought were growing. This meant that I looked for start-up or renowned companies that said on their website, "We're Hiring!" Bingo.

I found about five and started typing away...

AGAIN!!! TO STRESS THE ISSUE! YOU CANNOT DO IT ALONE!

I got a call from a really good friend who said she was down to treat me out for dinner.

Friend: I'll treat you out for dinner and we can work on your cover letter.
Me: Are you sure!?
Friend: Yes I am! When I was down and out people helped me, pay it forward...

So cliche, but god was I thankful. I hoped she was sure because I was starving and my funds were very limited. Listen, the world goes around in circles and once I got a job I''ll of course return the favor. It's how things work.

APPLIED TO A JOB I WANTED!

I came across a company I've had my eyes on for a while, looked at the positions, and I knew that if I marketed myself well enough - I'll get the job.

When I re-formated my resume I included the job I was 'let-go' from. Why? Most people say that you should leave it off, however, I feel like it's crucial because I learned a lot from that company. In addition, I try to be as honest as possible because you can tell them why you were let-go and explain the situation - if ever asked.

During dinner we went over the cover letter, it was three pages long, personal, and different.

Hustling for the Remainder of the Week

I disciplined myself:

1. Wake up and go to starbucks
2. Work on applications till lunch
3. Head back and eat
4. Pray to the gods
5. Work on applications till bed time
6. Pray
7. Scream
8. Look at e-mails to see if anyone responded
9. YELL!!!
10. Sleep

It's a routine.

INTERVIEW!!!!!!!!

Tuesday:

I always wet my pants when I get an interview. I told the company that I was ready to talk to them Thursday!

Thursday:

It went well. During the interview I said to them if I could push an interview on the weekend. I told them the truth, I was ready to work - NOW! Of course, it was said with a delicate not-so-desperate-touch.

Friday:

Another interview. You know that feeling where unexpectedly your significant other suddenly grabs you and gives you a luscious kiss of delight! Yeah, that's how I felt about the interview. I think you know you got the job when the interviewer says:

"Before I hire you I want to let you interview with someone you'll be working with..."

Success!

BOOM! SNAPZ! GOD DAMN!!! Lucky to have good friends. Lucky in general.

Fired then hired. All in one week.

Celebration. Let's not mess this up! Time to work.

If you want more detail to any questions you have, you can always leave a comment below

---
This is where the confession ends. This is my therapy.
Thank you. Sincerely,
- Jonathan Gaurano

Basic Flirtatious Non-Spoken Cues

2011-06-27T21:19:00.000-07:00

By reading my past posts you should have a general idea of how I portray myself to be: a young, supple, and very confident male who enjoys discussing the sensual interactions of life. Granted I may not have a psychology or ethnic studies degree - concentrating in flirting. I do however, have a ton of experience in this field.

I've been involved in workshops, communities, coursework, active success, and even instructing and winged others on the subject of game. But, those stories are for another time.

The importance of today is to inform you on something that I believe many people take for granted or are clueless about. I’m talking the signs of when you know it’s time to ‘get it on.’ The clues, the hidden gems, the kirks, the knacks, and all the hints your prospect gives you that screams out!! ‘MAKE YOUR MOVE!’

I call this the Basic Flirtatious Non-Spoken Cues or BFNSC.

Do you know the BFNSC?

The Bedroom Eyes

Many people mistake this as someone staring at your general direction. I hate to break it to you, but just because some old lady/man is staring at you DOES NOT mean they’re attracted to you. They’re not giving you the bedroom eyes, rather you probably have a very ‘interesting’ face or have snot protruding out of your nose.

Bedroom eyes are subtle but yet so strong. They begin with a look, then a slow-mo squint, which is all followed by a slow-side grin of the mouth. It screams out sexy and should make one feel (blank) on the inside.

If someone gives you that look:

ATTACK!!! It’s your cue to grab, kiss, approach! GO! KA KA!

Watch Out for these Imposters, these non-sensual Creeps.

- Gaping mouth while staring at you

- Licking their lips excessively in your general direction

The Sultry Bite of the Lip

This can be one of the most deceiving of the BSBA, especially while your prospect is eating or in very cold environment (e.g., Alaska or Hell). If you haven’t guessed it’s where your prospect is lusciously licking their lips, then proceeding to bite their lower lip. It’s a common rule that the bite must last, for at least a good 6 seconds.

How you can tell it’s not a nervous bite or chapped lips? You’ll know only if they’re giving you ‘bedroom’ eyes at the same time.

KA KA!

Alone-Time Music

Now, this happens usually when you and your prospect are at a designated private location (e.g., bed room, cabin, jail cell…).

You know it’s on when the stereo or computer speakers start to play melodic tunes that bring out sensual actions and emotions. Common themes are the likes of Coldplay (Fix You), Adele (Rumor Has It), Trey Songz (Neighbors Know My Name), Eddie Murphy (My Girl Likes to Party All The Time), Katy Perry (Teenage Dream), Flight of the Concords (Business Time)…

When this music is played, especially when alone (or feel like you’re alone) with your prospect, it’s crucial you get on that. You get going. You do the sultry dance of seduction. You do what humans are supposed to do best.

Do'in My Thang to the Rhythm of Life

Conclusion

The basic premise is this: when your prospect gives you any sort of BSBA, it’s a must, it’s required, for you to attack with sensual force!

You have to attack like a tiger, like a lion, like an anteater – they gave you the sign, it’s your job to follow up!

Am I missing any other BFNSCs?

The Game: The Fun but Sly World of Online Chatting

2011-06-22T11:26:00.000-07:00

The ‘Game’ is the social interaction between parties where one party endows a certain swagger to seduce / attract / occupy the other. Usually this stereotypical interaction happens between a man vying for a tantalizing women in a club or a in a day time mall. However, we live in the land of Web 2.0 where ‘gaming’ can happen elsewhere. Yes, I’m talking about a place where both parties have the availability to sport pajamas rather than a collar shirt. It’s called the computer.
---
I’ve been a victim of and have victimized others through online chatting. Regardless if its aol instant messenger, yahoo messenger, facebook chat… it’s there, it happens. There are many skeptics who believe online chatting is sly, sketchy, and distrustful. I agree, to a point, and I’ll tell you why:

Cons:

Gamers usually tell you that their ‘Hi,’ ‘Hello,’ ‘Smiley Face,’ - is innocent. IT’S NOT. When they approach with that line I want to let you know that they’re usually salivating over your profile picture.

The whole intent of online chatting is for them to figure out a way to poke fun, get to know, and spark some sensual connection without restriction. It’s cowardly. The reason being is because if anything goes awry they can easily browse Wikipedia to correct their blunder or they can simply surf a website to fill their lustful needs.

In many cases these people are surrounded by others analyzing the entire conversation. It usually goes like this:

Chatter5027: AHHHHH!! She responded with a smiley Face!! WHAT DO I SAY WHAT DO I SAY
ChatterHelp5031: Wait? How did she say it – copy paste your convo so I can analyze and help you
Chatter5027: HURRY!!! SHE MIGHT LOG OFF!! AHHHH!!
ChatterHelp5031: It seems she’s being a little standoffish here. Reply with a “brb” so we can discuss

That’s right every online lingo has its purpose.
--
General Lingo & Their Definitions:

- BRB (be right back): It’s a lie. They’re not leaving their computer. Rather they’re browsing the internet looking for something interesting to talk about. Or, they’re discussing with ‘ChatterHelper’ how they can continue their current conversation to produce some sort of intimate relationship with you.

- LOL (laugh out loud): They’re not laughing.

This lingo is used to recover from certain situations:

i) It subdues the current insult
ii ) It can detract from an awkward statement
iii ) it can confuse the other party to any flattery that was just said

Listen, if they were really laughing they would type ‘hahahahaha’

- HEHEHE: Don’t be fooled by this giggly cutesy laugh, its intent is secretly malicious.

- *Smiley Wink*: It's there to allude to emphasize their witty-sensual witty remark. Yuck.
---
A Few Tips on How You Know if You’re Being Victimized:

If they’re bragging too much about the skills they have

If it’s late at a time where they could easily call you

If they keep retracting any rebuttal with a smiley face

If they try to revive a 20 minute blank conversation through a smiley face

If they express an explicit hypothetical or aggressive sexual image at you

However, like I said, even though I am not a fan of online chatting there are some Pros.
---
Pros:

You can be more creative when you write than when you talk. Online chatting is a time where you can allude to the sexual tension faster, because it’s easier. It’s an adventure to discuss topics that are usually awkward to discuss in real life.

In addition, the added side of secrecy can create a sense of an adrenaline rush. When the victim is on a bedside, in a classroom, in the workplace, or just generally chatting in an area where people are unable to view their computer / laptop screen – they feel a sense of excitement.

Come on, how many times have you minimized your messenger screen when someone walked by and it brought the blood in your head to burst with euphoria! It’s fun.

Lastly, the pros but also a huge danger (if you have a partner), is the ability to bring out the victim’s emotional well-being. Writing your thoughts is an emotional process and it’s easier to discuss your feelings and emotions online, then in real life. The more you express (on such an simple platform of communication) yourself the higher probability that you begin to feel a fluid and deeper connection with the gamer.
--
I hope this helps, be careful on the internet. The next time you get some 'rando' popping up on your facebook chat, please, think twice before you respond back.

Oh How The Privileged Minds Can Talk

2011-06-17T01:21:00.000-07:00

I cannot sleep. I have work in the morning. However, a comment is still stinging in my brain and I can't let it go, I must write.

Over a house warming dinner a friend was asked:

"Why don't you like your co-worker"

Which the friend responded (quoting as best I can):

"I do a lot of the work…she can’t get a lot of things done because she's autistic. They shouldn't have hired her, especially for a job that requires her to do 16 things at once..." The friend then proceeded to proclaim only but a few jobs (at their workplace) that she was qualified and fit for. “Simple Tasks.”

Ouch. Ouch. Today I’m leaving the funny somewhere else.

Why I'm writing this Post:

I want to clarify that I know I'm sitting in my privileged blog space - ivory tower. Personally, I hate to use this blog to discuss personal relationships that involve friends and family. To respond here and not at that moment is a dick move. I know this because if I was the friend who made that comment and then saw this blog post I would be frustrated, pissed, annoyed, embarrassed, and betrayed.

However, I have to write this because I cannot betray myself.

The worst sin I committed was not SPEAKING UP! As a person who has gone through a lot of mental trauma and has a strong mental disability, I find it mandatory that I must speak against these heinous comments, the moment that they're said. I replay the comment in my head over and over and over and I am secretly yelling at myself for Not. Saying. Anything. It is my fault for staying silent.

So, here is my chance. Though I'm in my privileged space, I'm finally saying something.

The Argument:

Autism is a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and communication.

As person who has a brother who has a form of autism I can tell you first hand that though autistic people may have impaired nuances, they are and can be very skilled people. My brother is able to function well in school, able to complete 20 things at once, and be very active in his work.

All they need is guidance, patience, and a heart.

Listen, friend:

I may not know the back story of how you treat your co-worker on the job, regardless, the comment was said. Therefore, a discussion is necessary.

I know that your co-worker has been working for a few years and that you work with her on a daily basis (you just started working there for one month). There are ways to deal with the situation instead of ‘complaining’ about her and degrading her for her mental disability - behind her back. It’s rude, shallow, and very callous.

If she’s been working there for years and bringing in business, then she is probably doing something right.

If you’re annoyed it is best to talk to management about the issue. The workplace, especially now, is about teamwork. It is apparent that you cannot do it alone (you wouldn’t be complaining how stressful it is) because no one can. Instead, help the team so you can improve together.

If management won’t listen to you, then since you work with her on a daily basis (side by side), you have the ability to take her aside and help her. Rather than degrade her situation, help her with her progress. Don’t sympathize, empathize.

If she is being lazy or messing up due to free will – attack her laziness but not her disability (her lack of privilege she carries).

I find it hurtful that you have used your privilege to pain others.

I find it hurtful that you have used your privilege to boost your ego.

Please, know your place in society. I know I’m repeating myself, but please use your privilege to bring people into spaces that you have taken for granted.

If you consider yourself a true ally of the cause, then this message should not discourage you, rather it should enlighten you. If I should pity you or if you should garner sympathy for the response I'm giving you then, I think, you're open to learn.

Trying to justify your comment is pointless, it was said and now face the consequences. I ask nothing but for your eyes and ears to be open. Apologize and take a step backwards to observe.

I think you should consider yourself lucky because it is not my job to educate you on what it means to be a good ally. This comment was the straw that broke the camel's back as this comment is but one of many. I will tell you that I've lost a bit of trust in you.

Why it is and should be considered a Serious Issue.

You may say:

“Who cares”

“Let it Go”

“It’s not a big issue”

“You’re too sensitive”

It is a big issue! We live in a world where privileged people try to hide their faults by not accepting the fact that it is NOT a big issue. Their way of ignoring the suggestions, the lecture, is what continues these types of deeds.

Conclusion:

Though I responded to the claim, the situation is still engrained in my mind and will be there for a while. I am upset that I was a coward. I didn’t speak out and that is the biggest regret I have at this moment. I have an educated voice, I have a voice, and I was silent.

Speak out. The World needs the silenced to be heard.

A Letter To The Elders - from The Lost and Struggling Generation

2011-06-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

To Elder:

A few days ago you were my client and while ending our conversation you gladly concluded to share your sentiments regarding my generation:

"Your generation is fucked. The real estate market has collapsed, the economy is failing, and here you are trying to climb up the social ladder, but you're all going to be stuck. If your generation wasn't lazy this economy wouldn't be the way it is. You need to be supervised, you need to be spoon fed, you have no direction, you're lost, and because of this your generation knows nothing. Your music, your immaturity, your work ethic - you're all selfish, and you're all just rotting everything."

As I was unable to respond due to your quick abruptness to hang up the phone, I've duly noted your words in my head and have decided to 'fucking' respond.
Mr. Wrinkly,

If I was immature I would hunt you down and look for your medication. I would then proceed to destroy your arthritis pills and laugh watching your knees crack in agony. I would love to see you on your hind legs, crawling and crying. However, I have a loving grandmother who has arthritis and she wouldn’t think highly of me if I proceeded to make you hurt, physically.

Thus, instead I will divide your points into written sections in hopes that this letter reaches out to you. I want you to read it and understand that you’re wrong. You’re wrong.
--

The Economy

According to a recent Time’s article young people are NOT to blame for the economic crises. Rather, it’s because of older people who not only established horrible policies, but also it’s because of their greed and uneducated decisions (to buy things on credit) that has put us into trillions of debt.

And, guess who has to pick up the pieces? That’s right, us, the generation you despise so much.

Seriously, I want to steal all your diapers, which you bought with your visa, so you can feel your unexpected shit leak onto your leg.

On Laziness and Work Ethic

If you’re proactive enough to turn on the television and watch the news you’ll realize that the unemployment rate, for people aged 20-25, is 20%. This is a staggering number especially at a time when living expenses has risen exponentially.

I’m barely scratching the service to pay for rent, food, loans, bills, and condoms.

Frankly, Corporations are not hiring and it has led us dry. How can we gain the experience necessary for work in the future? Therefore, many of us have fallen back to a certain principle: The Hustle. We do our best to take advantage of any opportunity that comes our way just to sustain our simple living corridors.

[This is entirely true for kids from under-resourced backgrounds who are struggling to find a way to make ends meet. Our only option is to hustle.]

It has become popular for us to take up two to three part-time jobs while interning at a Corporation in hopes to be one day hired as a full salaried employee. This makes us working 40-60 hours a week a normal activity. In addition, we still have the time to hang out and party with friends!

That’s not called laziness. It’s called multi-tasking a stressful balanced life.

Being Lost

Fuck yeah we’re lost! We’re searching around trying to figure out which opportunity to pursue and because of the vast pressure for us to be successful, at such a young age, we are forced to rush into things.

No more is life simple enough where we have only but a few options to pursue in this journey, called life. The opportunities can be overwhelming and unknown – so of course we’re lost.

However, we know this and therefore we are the most experimental generation in decades. We are laying the innovative foundation for the generations’ soon-to-come and our current lost times will not go in vain.

Being Supervised

Soon you will need a caretaker to spoon feed you!

I feel that because we like to have fun, we love to pursue activities that make us smile, we idealize happiness – we are seen as little childish kids.

This is further from the truth.

Just because I like to make crude jokes, be barefoot at work, does not mean I have to be supervised… Actually, I agree with you on this one, there are times where we need to learn the proper procedure of how to act for you, with you, in the workplace. Regardless, we’re hard-workers whose abnormal behavior will soon be considered the norm. Just wait.

For now, I’m sorry you can’t handle change, but at least we’re getting things done – with a smile.

Being Selfish

The idea that we’re selfish astonishes me because we’re not the greedy ones, we’re not the ones who destroyed this economy, we’re not the ones who are self-absorbed in thinking that it’s a dog-eat-dog eat world.

We live in a time where teamwork is the fundamental difference between failure and success. We’ve learned that group efforts, group ideas, group networks – can help us all succeed.

The world is at a global stance at this moment, which makes it mandatory for people to work together.

Individualism, your era, is dead.

Conclusion

It’s sad because I have a considerable amount of older people, in my life, who I consider my mentors. These people believe in me, why can't you?

We have the ambition and drive to fix this economy, help the under-served, work together to build innovative ideas, and overall, we are here to create change in a current rotting world.
--

We may be lost in terms of not having a job, but not lost in how we want to impact this world.

We just need a place to start.

Yours Truly,

- Jonathan Gaurano

Game Wars: The Jedi, The Sith, and Her

2011-06-10T10:32:00.000-07:00

picture by rotane

In the tough galactic battle of the universe called the game, good and evil clash for intercourse.
--

I was with a few friends and we were talking about girls, girls, and well - girls, when an acquaintance said:

"Man, he has gotten laid more than me!! I need to catch up so I can get ahead!"

Some were, like that acquaintance, jerks. Others were hopeless. And, the last were charmers.

I amalgamated it all and came up with a theory to explain the type of game certain men had when seducing women. I am going to use simile, with reference to the characters of George Lucas’ Star Wars, to better explain my thoughts.

---

Theory:

The Sith Way: The Siths are masters at using the force to game. Their style is filled with duplicity and is full of lies. They have multiple girls on the side of their main girl, which is upsetting because none of those girls know that the Sith is seeing others. In addition, these men are carefree when it comes to one night stands. Anything and everything they do is surrounded by the lies they tell women. They're smooth, suave, flirtatious, charismatic, and very devious.

The whole point of the Sith is to add emblems to their belt by using the force to manipulate to get laid.

The Republic: These are the common folk who are considered the nice guys. They’re the coy, subtle men who are looking for love in all the wrong places. They have no charisma, they pay for everything on a date, and they fall in love with their friends instead of having enough game to go after someone outside of their ‘default’ social circle.

These men are usually considered the men who have excuses: "I could approach her but I could do better. She is mean. She is blah!" And, if they’re with a girl, it’s someone who isn't their first choice. Or, it’s the girl who is tired of being used up by Siths and has no where else to go but in the arms of the accepting Republic citizen.

In addition, they have no idea how to defend themselves and others from Siths. You’ll usually see these pitiful men hide away or do something completely inane that leaves them and others harmed.

The lack of their aggressiveness and their common behavior of acting "needy" ends up being their downfall. These guys think the force, regardless of the side, is evil.

The Jedi Way: They are smooth, suave, flirtatious, and charismatic. However, instead of embodying a force of deviant intentions, they strive themselves to be "good men" by treating women with honest respect. If they have more than one girl, each partner knows because that’s the Jedi Way: honesty.

They also use their force to block the cocks of Siths in social interactions to save women about to be alluded to a place of danger.

(For example, if a girl is too drunk to function and a Sith is trying to precede to attack, the Jedi will take it upon himself to use his force to confuse the Sith.)

---

The Tough Battle:

It's a dangerous world for the Jedi because evil constantly surrounds him. Not only does he have to worry and fight off the diabolical Siths, but they also have to deal with the Republic. The Republic usually turns on the Jedi because the Republic has a hard time believing that there are two sides of the force. It's a tough world for the Jedi.
---

Another Obstacle For The Jedi:

The citizens of The Republic can easily be trained by the Jedi to use the force within them. However, once learned, it is easy to go down the path of the Sith. Once you realize you have the power of the force, you begin to realize that the Dark side is an easy temptation/path to follow.
---

Ending Notes:

May the force be with you…

Post Grad #33| A Few Things Why Post-Grad Life is Better than College Life

2011-06-09T09:12:00.000-07:00

When you first graduate college you see life in a new light, you’re greeted with the work world, you have new responsibilities, and you feel very unsure of your current career path than how you felt in college.

Well I’m here to tell you that there are many things why Post Grad life can be better than college life:

Paycheck: Some Security

- Even though I grew up in a very under-resourced environment, I don't really like talking about money because I know it's everywhere and it doesn't really stress me out than most people, or so I think. Also, it's not the greatest of discussions to talk about, it's dry and played out. Anyways, I’ve had college jobs before, however there is nothing as great as some security.

Happy Hour: Funzies!

- It’s like the best thing to do during the week. This is especially true if you have game enough to garner free food/drinks/hot bazaps!! Why pay for stuff? If you can seduce someone else to it, do it!

Freedom: Enjoy your La, La, Land.

- If you had an innovative idea, a hobby you wanted to pursue, visit friends outside of the state, or catch up on some t.v. shows, guess what? You now have the availability to move forward with these projects! There is no professor, homework, or class time that is getting in your way.

Even though it seems that work can take most of your time, you'll realize that when you arrive home there is not anything else you have to worry about. This gives you ample time to start yourself with piano playing, social interaction to pursue someone sexually, get into hi magic tricks, this blog, whatever makes you dance…

Complaining About Being A Grown Up With Others: Commiserating

- It's always fun to get an instant message from a friend who is complaining about work, or when a co-worker proclaims how they hate the place that they work at, or crying with others as we all wish for a better life. Regarldess of the situation - the bond Post Grad people share seem to be greater than any other bond I've felt since I was in my mother's womb.
--

These are the primary things I think why Post-Grad life is better than college life. Of course I miss the classes, I miss my professors, I miss the easy access of hanging out with friends, and I miss a grade that tells me that my hard work is paying off. However, the epic Post Grad grind, is fun.

I love my current life and would not change a damn thing.

I miss college, but I’m so happy I moved on. I might be back one day (grad school), but for now I’m enjoying a new time in my life and open doors are ahead.

Don't fret current or soon to be Post-Grads, there is sunshine of opportunities blazing beautiful in front of your eyes!

Have a great day being a grown up!

Being A Manic Depressant #1: The Swings. The Drugs

2011-06-08T11:59:00.000-07:00

I take drugs. I love drugs. They make a body good.

Because I am diagnosed with manic-depression, it becomes mandatory for me to take pills in order to live a focused life. Well, it's not mandatory, but I think it should be because it's hard to function when I'm not on pills.

The pill I'm talking about is Lamotrigine. I've taken other pills, such as lithium, and there is no other pill out there that has given me the utmost clarity of mind. I consider it my orgasm, my explosion in life: it's tough to explain the feeling; all I know is that it feels so. Damn, good.

However, before I can even begin talking about the side-effects of this pill, I am going to educate you on what I go through, every day, as a manic-depressant.

This is Part #1 of other posts, soon to come, regarding manic-depression.

Let’s Begin.
This disability has given me various emotional highs and lows that have greatly affected my thought processes, mobility, and relationships these past twelve years.

Highs:

A high is the ultimate hubristic feeling. I was God in these moments. Anything I work on is given an A+, anything I touch has an orgasm, and any idea I have is lauded by anyone who hears my voice. I am creative. I am inspiring. I am the best that I could be… I am high.

Lows:

When I'm at a low, I want to feel emotion but instead I don't feel anything.. I can’t speak, my intelligent rhetoric is blundered and is considered meaningless to others, I am unable to feel sexually aroused, I find my emotional well-being begging me to hide in a corner and cry… It is bad enough that if my closest brother died I would not care, but instead zombie through the outcome.

My brain would fight as hard as it could to fight this depression because it knew it was false. I did love, I did feel, but something was not letting me garner my own emotions.

I was low.

Lamotrigine Fixes These Swings:

The drug was inducted about 30 years ago as a mood stabilizer. However, what’s great about Lamotrigine is that it acts as an ‘acute’ mood stabilizer. This means that I still deal with the lows and highs, but it’s not overly magnified to the point of losing all control of my emotions. It makes me feel that I am still myself without really being ‘myself.’
---

My disorder is something that I’ve lived with all my life and will continue to live with. And, for now, this pill holds the key to my well-balanced functionality. I thank this pill, because for the past twelve years, this disorder has made my already overly hectic life just chaotic.

I’ve pained many, I had short seizure like affects, and I was addicted to other forms of destructive methods I thought that would cure my disorder. My mania became an infection.

But whatever, I wouldn’t trade these experiences because they’re overall… hilarious. It brings and has brought a bright color to this black and white world.

Please, don’t pity me. Just empathize. I despise when a person uses their disease to garner sympathy, to be excused for complaining, to be excused for being considered a delinquent…

This is not me. Instead I’m here telling you all this for a different reason.

Society tends to forget about people with a mental disability and I just want to educate.

For another time, I will share more.

Post Grad #34| Handling Your Budget

2011-06-07T08:11:00.000-07:00

A while back I mentioned how Mint.Com can save your life when it comes to budgeting your finances. As a Post Grad I tend to get lost in the daily shuffle and it's always good to be reminded how poor you are, how much money you're spending to feed yourself, and how you have to starve to stay in budget.

It's a sad reality because I'm a growing boy and I want to feed myself. However, last month alone I was 283% over budget when it came to food, dining, and grocery shopping.

After three months of a paycheck and understanding my overall financial plan, I'm here to tell you a few ways on how you can handle your budget.
Theory:

"Make a financial goal and make sacrifices for the future..."

1. Follow Young Post-Grad Entrepreneurs:

People tell you to save and create a budget all the time, however if you have no idea how to accomplish this task you're not going to improve. Therefore, I emulate others.

Emulation is the best way to learn the strategies and tacits of money management. Thus, I follow people who are and have been successful in the financial department.

I personally have a few twitter people and websites I follow, everyday, to keep me updated on investment ideas and planning. If others can be successful, you can as well.

Use a search engine and start learning.

2. Learn Microsoft Excel or Outlook:

Of course I'm assuming that you have the privilege of a computer with an installation of Excel or Outlook. If not, I again can assume that there are many free trials out there (60 days +) that can definitely get you started.

While using online sources, such as Mint.Com, can budget your goals. It be best to not solely rely on a service that can crash at any moment. Allow yourself to be proactive and use non-internet programs. It can not only help with your customization of fnancial planning, it can also serve as a great skill when applying to future jobs.

3. Starve Yourself, Sometimes:

Do you really have to eat a lunch? Even though I pack food everyday, I've planned a system where I eat lunch every other day. I feel that we have the immune system to discipline ourselves to not eat to all the time.

It's up to you, but so far I've saved about $105 in groceries this month alone. I'm not saying to starve yourself for the entire day, I'm saying that instead of eating 5 or 6 meals a day, bring it down to three. Please, no less than two meals (eat a lot when eating) due to health reasons.

It seems food is the greatest expense as of now and you can use the left over money for rent, or in my case, my savings.

4. Load Yourself On Free Food:

I look for any opportunity where I can save the free food I'm given. Either at my company, a friend, a family member's parent. It's survival and I don't want to die from starvation.

It's quite simple, my favorite plan of action is to take as much as I can from my company. Capitalist society has trained me to take this action. It's working so far.

--

The aforementioned advice maybe a little different but they have been proven to work. One of my friends has e-mailed me, that through these tips, she has saved over $1,000 this past month. With those results how can anyone deny?

Okay, I lied, she didn't save $1,000 by starving herself - it was more close to $80. Regardless, she saved money that she can spend elsewhere.

Have a beautiful Tuesday and may you save a lot of money in the coming weeks!

Post Grad #33| A Few Things You Can Do In College That You Should NEVER Do At Work

2011-06-02T08:34:00.000-07:00

Corporate America calls me green.

green
- noun

1. A person who is working at their first Corporate job after college.

Green people, like myself, are constantly adjusting from the college lifestyle to the 'professional' lifestyle. Honestly, it's a hard process because for the past four years you've developed habits that can really hurt the way you're perceived at work.

I write this to educate you on some simple things you SHOULD NEVER do while at work. I've done them and it has gotten me in trouble many a times, thankfully not fired.

Let's Begin.

Theory:

Think before you do...

- Don't Sit On The Floor During A Staff Meeting

Remember when you walked into a college classroom or a general meeting and you couldn't locate an open seat - so, the next best thing was the floor?

You can't do that at work. Sitting on the floor is considered disrespectful, weird, and very unprofessional - ESPECIALLY if the staff meeting is led by the CEO of the COMPANY. No bueno.

- You Cannot Walk Around The Office Barefoot

Remember when you took off your shoes in the library, even sometimes walked around the college campus barefoot? Yeah, you can't do that, it's not considered 'appropriate' attire at the office...

- Don't Add Your Own Commentary During A Presentation

Remember when you would get excited during a college lecture and add your own comments like blasting 'Ooohs' - 'Awes' - 'That's So Cool' - "Wow'?

Again, it can leave a very bad perception of who are as a worker at the COMPANY.

Dense, weird, rude, and very disruptive.
---

These are just a few of the many 'college lifestyled' things you should never do at your COMPANY. No matter how hard you work, perception is key to becoming successful at your job.

I hope this helps.

Post Grad #32| 3 Ways To Help You. Move On...

2011-06-01T08:24:00.000-07:00

Chancellor Robert J. Birgeneau

For all you recent graduates out there...

The graduation 'goodbye' ceremony before you start your post-grad life happens quite fast.

One moment you're a student, you make memories, you make friends, you grab your diploma from the Chancellor, Chancellor hugs you and whispers in your ear:

"You've done well son, say goodbye and move on to do good things!"

It's done, it's complete, you're finished.

Most of you will not feel the absence of college life, the absence of being (kinda) independent, the absence of college academia, or the absence of the college relationships you've sparked in the last 4-7 years - at first. However, unpredictably your brain triggers a wave of memories into your heart that leave you saying one thing:

Did that just happen?

And then, you cry. You cry because:

- You don't have a job in this economic shithole and you feel like a complete loser
- You'll miss the people who have left your companionship to a far off land
- You'll miss the privileges of what it means to be a college student
- Of Change

It happens. You're excited about the future, but you're sad of what's to come. You have a plan but it could go wrong. Doubt. What do you do? How do you move on? I have strategy that can help. I'm not a therapist, a psychologist, or qualified to tell you that what I'm about to suggest - works.

But, it works. It works.

Theory:

"To move on you must find things that keep you alive"

1. Busy Your Self With New Productive Projects

Projects that you want to do. Quite often we overwhelm ourselves with 'mandatory societal' norms, like finding and working at a post-grad job. However, do you really like working at your job? The most common answer I hear is, 'It pays the bills' or 'It's a sacrifice to build what I want to do in the future' in other words - NO I HATE MY JOB!

By letting you to succumb to this 'mandatory societial norm' you end up thinking about your old 'awesome' college life. This in turn leads to depressive reflection of what was, what was once, and what it is not now - essentially not being able to move on...

This is why I suggest starting new productive projects. Productive projects are deadlines that you have created for yourself. You're the one who begins to overwhelm yourself with mandatory 'self' things.

Things that you want to do because you know it's going to make you happy. This becomes the ultimate positive distraction that makes it impossible for you to even have the time to cry. You can't cry, you can't reflect on what was once, you can't because you're too busy to fall a part.

Now, instead of life controlling you - you're the one controlling your life. Your direction.

2. Use Social Media to Connect with Friends

Facebook, instant messaging, twitter, e-mail, friendster...whatever. Listen, we live in a century full of technology and if you're not using it to connect with the networks you've made in college (or anywhere), you're going to stay a sad case.

By opening yourself to active communication between others you'll be able to find support in a world where we're lost.

Stay in touch with your friends and networks - it'll make you happier.

3. Connect with Friends in a Non Virtual Way

The number one thing I miss the most about college is the easy accessibility to 'chill with friends.' The reason why chilling with friends is harder outside of college is because instead of Betty being a few blocks away, they're now miles away.

You're like shit, I don't want to walk or drive that far. Well, stay in shape and move.

Social media may keep you connected with friends (#2), however, it's not as good as touching or interacting with someone in person. Make steady plans to study with a friend, chill at a friends home, grab a bite to eat, watch chickens...

I find that doing things outside of the party mold can really bring out deeper conversations...

What I learned from Dr. Keltner, a prominent UCB professor of psychology, is that human touch, human interaction, human support keeps you sane and alive.

That's right, physically touch your friends.
--

Do you have any opinions on this issue?

Thank you as always. Move forward, have a great day, and stay alive.

Confessions: How I Got My Job - Turning a No into a Yes!

2011-05-30T10:56:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while I confess...

*Note* I hid the company information because I don't wan them to be exposed.

The e-mail read:

Dear Jonathan,
Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider you for employment. After reviewing your background, qualifications, and our interviews we find that we do not have an appropriate position for you at this time. We appreciate your interest in COMPANY and wish you success in your job search.
Sincerely,
COMPANY

It's strange to see that e-mail saved in my online folder because I now work at this company.

How did it happen? How did I do it?

It starts with one crucial thing that everyone needs. Luck.

Two Weeks Prior

ME: Turn the car around, we need to head back.

FRIZZO: Are you sure about this?

4am. Cold. Coughing. Mucus. Headache. Tears. $60.00 to my name. I just had a week of job interviews and I bombed each one. Frizzo was driving me to the Oakland Amtrak Station so I could return to San Diego. The land of death, the fires of hell, the area of vast desolate dry post-grad-job-land of opportunities.

My gut told me to turn around and look for a job. I needed a job, my first bill payment was in two weeks.

ME: Frizzo, I don't have any money and I'll pay you back in the future, can I stay at your place for two weeks?

FRIZZO: Okay.

ME: TURN AROUND!
--
Four Days Later - 1st Round Group Interview:

I arrived at COMPANY early morning with a suit, my pink backpack, and an umbrella. In pressure situations such as this interview I fight my nervousness by tricking my brain into being overly confident. Sometimes it turns into behavioral manic outburst.

ME: Good Morning *Front Desk*! How's my face? Is it beautiful? I hope I'm not breaking out. AM I BREAKING OUT? Lovely morning by the way.

FD: Your face is good. Um, here let's take care of your belongings...
--
Interviewees walked in with the most sobering and nervous mood. I presumed since we were all fighting for the same job that no one was in really no need to make friends. I decided to have some fun.

I started to spin my chair:

ME: WeeeeeeEeeee

Girl: What's wrong with you?

ME: I'm excited. Be calm everyone You'll be okay. WeeeEeee

I'm not a big fan of moping around.

Guy: Dude, can you not swing your chair like that, it's distracting

Girl: Stop!

ME: Listen, I'm not here to hurt anyone's feelings. Is everyone okay?

I looked at the twenty of us and spotted two people who were definitely not getting the job:

1. One was wearing a Mormon dress that covered her entire body and sleeves. I'm sorry Miss Little House On The Prairie - go home. Please, dress to impress.

2. Tool. I cannot explain this person, but it's feeling. This guy felt like one of those pseudo over-achievers, pseudo intellectual, pseudo hard worker, brown noser, Mr. Fake...a Tool.

Interview Begins:

The Hiring Manager walked in with a swagger. You could tell that he has hot girlfriend, makes bank, and doesn't have time for bs. Suave, sophisticated, and very evident from the aroma that he is a European smoker. As well know, European smoker's are cool.

Suave Hiring Manager:

Be attentive. Don't waste my time, because I don't really care about your resumes right now. I want to see how well you will do based n real life circumstances. We will have a total of 40 candidates today vying for this one position, only 4-5 of the 40 today will be called back.

He sat down, leaned back on his chair, and crossed his legs. A vibe that said, "Today I own all your souls."

Like I said, so cool.

Now tell me your name and one unrealized goal that you have.

Most people say stupid things like,

Tool: I want to travel the world and want to be just like you at this COMPANY

Remember, be real.

ME: I want to amaze and confuse David Blaine when I perform a magic trick in his face.

Suave Hiring Manager: Okay...

He loved it.

I was relentless. I was charismatic. I told an interviewer that I AM a seductive piece of meat.

It worked.
--

24 Hours Later.

Human Resources: Hello, this voice message is for Jonathan Gaurano. You made it to the second round interview, please give us a call at (THE) COM-PANY to set up a time for your interview.
---

The second round was a brutal 3.5 hour with 7 different people in a one on one style process.

I gave everything I had, my soul, my blood, my sweat, my rhetoric. I calibrated as best I could with what I knew. All I could do was wait.
--

48 Hours Later

The Email of Death (see above).

What the? What did I do wrong? 80% of the interviewers said I was a strong candidate for the job. I e-mailed all the interviewers thanking them. They said I was a pleasure!

A PLEASURE!!! WHAT DID I DO WRONG!!!!!

I'm not one to sit idle like a tool, I hate the word NO.

I emailed the interviewer who I admired the most.

Dear XXX XXXX, My name is Jonathan Gaurano and we met last Thursday I write because of three reasons: i) I respect you, ii) you inspire me, and iii) you seem very wage (with experience and intellect) that I'm seeking advice......Thank you so much. Sincerely,- Jonathan Gaurano

The Interviewer:

Jonathan,The fact that you reached out asking for advice is a great first step... ...Why don't we have a conversation this week to put your request into better context.

The Phone Call

It was perfect. The mentor advised me on my resume, my answers, and how to be successful in the future.

The mentored ended our conversation with:

Angel Interviewer: Jonathan, I like you. I'm going to talk to a few people and I'll connect you with SUAVE HIRING MANAGER who denied you. Here his cell phone number and talk to him tomorrow at this time.

ME: Are you sure? I mean, that wasn't my intention...

Angel Interviewer: Yes.

Done. They were giving me an unexpected second chance.
---

Second Chance Phone Call

During the 3.5hr one on one interview I met with Mr. Suave twice. I could tell I his impression of me wasn't the best. I was reminded when I called.

ME: Mr. Suave Hiring Manager, it's Jonathan.

SUAVE: Jonathan, let's take care of business. It seems you have a fan here and I'm to make another assessment of you. Let me tell you that I don't like you. During our interview I thought you were a SMART Ass, A BULLSHITTER, AND HAD A BEHAVIORAL PROBLEM... Tell me why I was wrong?

ME: Sir, if I told you that I WASN'T a smart ass, a bullshitter, or had a behavioral problem - I would be lying to you. I'm all those things and more.

SUAVE: .Wow. Ballsy. Tell me then, why do you want this job?

ME: Honestly, I need money. Forget my resume Mr. Suave. I WILL do WELL because I will work hard to make money for your company, a bed, and my family. I think you KNOW I can do this. No bullshit
! That is all I have to say.
---

30 Minutes Later

Human Resources: This message is for Jonathan Gaurano. Mr. Gaurano - um - I don't know what you did but please call us back because we are offering you a job at (THE) COM-PANY

I'm lucky.

I currently work elsewhere
---

This is where the confession ends. This is my therapy.
Thank you. Sincerely,
- Jonathan Gaurano

Confessions: The Period Scare

2011-02-14T23:36:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while I confess. No theories, just a personal story, a simple confession that has left a big impact on my life...

I love the period.

Women across the world receive this biological gem every month. The sound of their cramps elicits safety, reassurance, it's a symphony of beauty.

In my last relationship, I had a unique system to verify if her period was arriving soon.

ME: Are your breasts hurting?

HER: Kinda

ME: When did you have it last month?

HER: 18th? 19th?

ME: No morning sickness? Bloating? Urges to eat?

HER: Nope

ME: Okay, good.

Listen, I'm a twenty-two childlike recent college graduate. Therefore, I cannot provide the monetary expenditures, the love, and the time a baby needs to survive in this world. It would be irresponsible of me to conceive a child at my given state.

This is why I thank God every day for prophylactics and Plan B.

Plan B has saved my life, 8 times

JUSTIFICATION - for religious groups who think that prophylactics and sex before marriage is wrong.

PROPHYLACTICS

1. Once every so often men have wet dreams. Sex is no different than wet dreams because in both cases semen seeps out. However, unlike a wet dream where semen seeps out on a bed, the semen during protected sex usually seeps out into a condom.

2. The pope has ruled that male prostitutes and only male prostitutes are allowed to wear condoms, have sex, and then get paid for their services. The day a male prostitute is above me in the hierarchy of society, is the day the world ends.

PLAN B

1. It takes ten hours for the semen to swim to the egg. If you pop the pill into your mouth before the ten hour mark, you're not really sinning because nothing in the belly has been formed.

2. Even when the egg gets fertilized it still takes within twenty-four hours for the genetic material inside the sperm to combine with the genetic material inside the egg. Thus, you actually have a bundle of available hours to pop in that life-saving emergency pill before anything 'gets created' (all speculative).

BACK TO STORY

I was in a long-distance relationship so texting throughout the day was our common communication method.

One month in November, I texted her:

ME: Period?

HER: Not yet. I'm kinda getting worried.

ME: Why?

HER: I'm late by two days.

WHAT!!!

My heart began to palpitate at a hundred miles per hour:

How would I feed this baby? What would the baby look like?

This is unfair. We never did the freedom dance - the unprotected? Or do we? Did the plastic thing break? I checked every time. This is what I get for not getting a vasectomy!! One day, when I'm ready, I will have offspring.

SOMEONE HELP ME!

I texted back.

ME: Honey, don't worry. It'll be fine, give it time.

---
Three days later

ME: Period?

HER: Nope 0_0

ME: Thank you for being honest

I began looking at my bank account and started analyzing the situation. I researched clinics, I researched 'What does it mean if period is late 5 days' on Google.

I cried, I couldn't sleep.

I had to call a friend.

ME: Yo, Mitsu

MITSU: What's up Jonathan!?

ME: My girlfriend's period. She's five days late

MITSU: Congratulations!

ME: STOP IT

MITSU: Stupid, how can you not use protection?

ME: I DID EVERY TIME!! I even double checked to see if there was any spillage. I need a favor

MITSU: What is it?

ME: If the time comes I may need to borrow six hundred dollars because I do not have the financial means if she decides to do what I hope she does because that would be the best for all of us. Ya know?

MITSU: Dude, that's emotional draining. It'll change your relationship, it won't be the same

ME: I know, that's why it's a last resort

MITSU: Fine, if you're pregnant I'll give you six hundred dollars

ME: Thank you.

MITSU: Just let me know when you're going to have the baby shower!

ME: I HATE YOU!

---
The sixth day

ME: Period?

HER: Honey, no. I'm scared

OH GOD NO! OH GOD!

ME: No matter what happens, I'm here. I'll be here, can you afford to buy a pregnancy test? Maybe you can see what's up?

HER: Okay. I'll do it tonight. Thank you for being understanding

ME: Just let me know

I was laying in my bed, the phone by my side, waiting for her phone call. The stress was making me break out, I was balding, my bags were protruding... I did not like this feeling.

Then, a text:

HER: I can't do it alone. I want you here

ME: Of course, I understand

HER: Can you come this weekend?

It's in these situations that you have to stay calm. Pregnancy tabulations is an emotional process, especially for a young woman who isn't ready for a baby. Thus, you have to be responsible and make sure you're physically supporting the woman while she tabulates her results.

ME: I'll leave in two days, after my last shift

---
The Seventh Day

I sluggishly walked into work with red puffy sobering eyes, I couldn't stop thinking of financial business plans that could help me support my baby's life. How would she feel about adoption? My mind was busy.

Working at an amusement park doesn't help with these type of decisions because your customer base are little kids. I observed kids crying, kicking, screaming, and running away from their parents who were exhaustively chasing their child around the park. It was like I was looking at my future.

I didn't want to be a father, I couldn't be a father, I wasn't ready.

And then, something began to vibrate in my pocket. My phone.

HER: PERIOD! PERIOD!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I dropped all my work and began to flail my arms like I was a combustible windmill. My feet felt like feathers, jumping and running around the park seemed the most logical thing to do!!!!

ME: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

I began hugging random strangers, usually anyone over the age of 21 due to legal reasons.

I grabbed the hands of a Korean tourist and serenaded to her, 'Ring Around the Rosy'

I hugged a 70 year old woman and whispered into her ear, 'I love you...'

I was about to kiss a random baby on a stroller, but I wasn't ready to do such things

I high-fived a 30 year old man, to which he asked

30 Y.O: Why so happy?

ME: She got her period today!

30 Y.O: Congratulations!! Best feeling in the world, right!?

ME: Yes sir, yes it is!

I fell to my knees and uplifted my hands up in the air. It was like some force was pulling my hands in the air to feel the clouds in the sky. I didn't care if I did this in front of a group of twenty kids, my elation made me invincible. I was on top of the world. Tears, bucket loads of joyful Irish Springs began to soak in my eyelids and trickle down my cheek.

Thank you world. Thank you.

Kid: Are you okay?

ME: Life is BEAUTIFUL!!! I'm NOT going to be a father.

--------------

This is where the confession ends. This is therapy.

Thank you for reading. Sincerely,

- Jonathan Gaurano

P.S. To read more Confessions you can always check out the 'Archive Page!' Enjoy!

P.P.S. Some Confessions of Love you May Enjoy:

i. From Facebook to Kiss

ii. Soaked the bed...at 10 years old

iii. The Mirror Situation

Podcast Ep. 5| Kirby's Insight on Puberty

2011-02-09T00:00:00.000-08:00

Length: 7:25 minutes

Every once in a while I produce a Podcast.

Kirby is back!

Kirby, the alias of 11 year old brother, told me that he would love to lend his voice for another podcast show. The last show was a bit somber and we both agreed it would be nice to switch into a different gear.

Thus, we decided to talk about puberty.

---
Puberty is a fun topic to talk about with an eleven year old child. Oh, the things they say.

As always. Thank you for listening,

- Jonathan Gaurano
Right click here to download the MP3

Post Grad #31| You're Not Alone: four ways to find help

2011-02-07T14:45:00.000-08:00

All in this together - Ben Lee, or High School Musical...

The post-grad life can be quite lonesome. No more are you easily surrounded by classmates, dorm mates, and other acquaintances that can offer a conversation or a lending hand. It's scary to wake up in the morning, walk outside, and realize that the only person you'll be interacting with is your neighbor. In my case it's a forty-five year old gentleman who has three kids, so he really doesn't have time to converse.

ME: Do you know any resources or career info sessions that are coming up this week?
45 year old neighbor: What!?

See, doesn't work.

In college, the co-worker, the classmate, your crush - are always in a one to five mile walking distance of each other. Interaction? Instant conversation? Instant help? It happens without effort and at many times, free! Basically, career opportunities are constantly being spoon fed into your mouth!! Oh, college.

Post-grad life is different, especially if you're unemployed. The process in which you can be given available information and resources at a moments time, and the ability to receive help at your beckoning - greatly diminishes.

All you can think now, as you apply via the online job boards, is: Who do I go to? How can I communicate to others? How do I survive this loneliness? How do I socialize? How do I get the help I need? AAAH!!!

Calm down, I have four ideas that can help in answering a few of these questions.

---
Theory:

Basic premise: take initiative to spoon opportunities in your mouth...

1. Understand that 'you're not alone'

There are thousands of unemployed post-grads at this given moment. Many are just very good at being sneaky about their current situation. Remember, you're not alone and there are people struggling just like you.

You can find these people to commiserate and work together!

2. Contact your friends who have jobs

Use gchat, e-mail, facebook, twitter, and yes, even a phone to contact your friends who currently have a job. Explain in detail your situation and ask to keep a lookout for any career openings that you could fill.

In addition, these friends are also great resources when it comes to resume and cover letter 'editing.' They have a job, so they know how to snag that opportunity. Listen to them, their wage advice will help you.

3. Visit Alum websites

Linkedin and other social networking sites are a perfect way to contact Alum. In usual cases, older alums like to offer help and advice to younger alums. Your university is seen to be considered as a huge family, and remember, nepotism is a beautiful thing.

4. Volunteer at non-profit organizations to meet new people

In the beginning of this post I also mentioned 'socializing.' Thus, you could try volunteering a significant amount of your time at a non-profit organization. I favor volunteering because you'll be surrounded by, usually, good-hearted people who love to socialize with other people. Unlike a co-worker, at a part time job, a co-volunteer isn't competing for more work hours.

In addition, it will keep you busy and you'll feel good about yourself because you're giving back to society. It's better than crying at home all day and lethargically soaking up earth's resources.
---

I hope this helps a little bit! If you have any questions, concerns, or suggestions please be free to let me know by commenting below!!

- Jonathan Gaurano

P.S. There is always a shoulder to lean on, always. (:

Confessions: Smokey The Bear & The Great Reno Balloon Race

2011-02-06T00:49:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while I confess. No theories, just a personal story, a simple confession that has left a big impact on my life...

We all have childhood iconic role models. Tiger Woods, Justin Bieber, Michael Vick...it's rare to meet them, even more so to take a photo with them. Since the age of five my role model has been the great and magnificent, Smokey The Bear.

If you don't know who this great bear is, just stop reading. He is responsible for teaching the entire world how to prevent forests fires. One weekend in my sophomore year in college, I would meet Smokey. It was an opportunity of a lifetime, the story goes like this:

I was in jam session procrastinating from my impending midterm studies. The plan was to relax a bit with my musical buddies, eat a few of their unused bananas, leave their apartment, shower at my place, take a short eight hour nap, and then begin reviewing my economic lecture notes.

This plan would deviate when Cov arrived.

COV: Yoooooo

ME: What you up to?

*insert cool flashy handshake here*

COV: I'm headed to see a balloon glow show in Reno.

ME: When you goin' ?

COV: Now. Um, wanna go?

ME: SO DOWN!

How far was Reno from Berkeley? What was this glow show? It being Friday night, is it wise to go and not worry about my economic midterm on Monday?

These were all questions I could have asked, but I only ask questions if my gut tells me to ask questions.

Time is wasted on vacillation, medicated hallucinations, laziness, loneliness, and scheduled events. My philosophy is to analyze for a brief second, then go.

Yes or no, in or out, fight or freaking flight.

How can this trip be all these things? I had no idea. It was just apparent that my intuition was telling me that something special was going to to happen.

BUT FIRST

We had to grab a few people because every exploration needs a few characters:

i) The planner: Cov knew where to go, what was happening, and provided transportation.

ii) The musician: Metronome always carries a ukulele and an ipod with auxiliary cable.

iii) The moral compass: Priest lives and lectures us to follow social-norms.

iv) Jonathan Gaurano

OFF TO RENO

ME: You're telling me that you don't wash the inside with shampoo

PRIEST: It's disgusting

METRONOME: No, I don't think of it

ME: So you just wash the outside, now that's disgusting

METRONOME: What do you do?

ME: I'm a big fan of head Head and Shoulders - it's clean - it gets the job done - it smells good

PRIEST: WHAT!?

METRONOME: I don't understand can we just listen to music

ME: I don't like knots!

METRONOME: The dingle-berries?

ME: Yep

COV: Oh shit, we're here.

We step out of the car to be confronted by a mass of flat land and mass of white people, wearing pajamas. It wasn't just a balloon glow show, it was also a pajama party!!

ME: Cov, we're at a white people convention

PRIEST: Not everyone is wearing pajamas...

COV: Shut up! It's starting...

I look up in the sky and I see mediocrity:

BORING

ME: I'm going to wander

PRIEST: Be careful

Attention Deficit Disorder leads you into unexpected situations:

ME: OH MY GOD!!! BUNNY EARS! MUST HAVE!

KID: These were the last ones

ME: I'll give you 25 cents

KID: Okay

I swear if I was a forty year old man who loved to prey on children, that kid would've been mine! Why do parents leave their kids unattended?

But bunny ears can entertain you for so long. I began getting sleepy, upset, and wanted to take a knife and stab my thigh really really hard. I was losing hope, but it would suddenly change for the better.

I SPOT CUTE GIRL

ME: That's a horrible swimsuit

PAJAMA: It's a pajama

ME: Actually in Austrailia the cotton gear you're wearing is considered to be an expensive swimsuit gear

PAJAMA: Really?

ME: No

PAJAMA: You're funny... what's your name?

ME: WAIT. OH MY GOD!!!

PAJAMA: What?!?

ME: SSHHH DON'T SPEAK

THERE IT WAS!!! FINALLY! GORGEOUS! Tears began to stream from my face, could it be? A balloon resembling my iconic hero:

ME: IT'S SMOKEY THE BEAR!!!

PAJAMA: What's your name?

ME: Don't touch me -

PAJAMA: I'm not touching -

I shrugged her off and sprinted towards the balloon. My intuition kicked in gear and it was telling me that if his balloon was here, then somewhere amongst the hordes of white pajama people was Smokey The Bear himself!

I was going to find SMOKEY THE BEAR

SMOKEY THE BEAR

After running about fifty yards I saw him, his beautiful brown bear outfit. He was hoarded by a group of 4-5 kids wanting to take a photo of his greatness. But, these kids didn't know the way I knew Smokey, they didn't understand the beautiful glory and respect Smokey the Bear deserves.

FOR GOD SAKES! HE WARNS US ABOUT FORESTS FIRES!!!

ME: SMOKEY I WANT TO TAKE A PHOTO WITH YOU!!!

SMOKEY: What? Wait your turn!

ME: YOU'RE MY HERO!

SMOKEY: Are you serious!?

ME: Yeah kid, this guy stops forests fires!

KID: He does what?

ME: YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW AND YOU'RE TAKING A PHOTO WITH HIM!!!

KID: It's a costume

I had enough. How dare these kids have the audacity to take a photo with this idol, they don't care the way I care!!! HOW DARE THEY TAKE A PHOTO WITH HIM!!!

ME: KIDS! IT'S MY TURN!

KIDS: Leave us alone!!!

ME: I'll GIVE YOU 25 CENTS!

KIDS: No

SMOKEY: Sir, I'm going to ask you to leave...

Usually I'd listen to Smokey's advice, but he was wrong this time. I turned to the kids.

ME: Do like these bunny ears?

KIDS: YEAH!!!

KID #1: They're cool!

ME: Do you want it?

KID #2: I DO!

KIDS: I DO! I DO!

ME: CALM DOWN CALM DOWN! How about I give this to you and you leave?

KID #1: What about my friends?

ME: There are thousands at that booth! It's about 100 yards from here...

KIDS: Thanks!

I now had SMOKEY all to myself.

ME: SMOKEY I NEED YOU TO TAKE MY HAND!

SMOKEY: Stop yelling!

ME: I'm excited! Just follow me...

SMOKEY: No sir, I'm sorry. I'm going to hop into my balloon soon

ME: Listen. You're a grown man in a bear suit who is doing absolutely nothing. I don't know if you have goals in your life or if you don't. All I'm asking is you follow me so I can take a photo with you and my friends.

[pause]

SMOKEY: Where we going?

ME: Follow!

I inspire people.

He wouldn't hold my hand but he followed. I felt like the way God felt in the Bible, where people listened to him and everything lined up in his favor. Yes, I ran into Pajama again.

PAJAMA: HI!

ME: What are you doing right now?

PAJAMA: Nothing?!?

ME: Follow me!

I'm just an average looking guy, I have no idea why people listen to things I say...

BACK TO MY FRIENDS

ME: GUYS! I FOUND SMOKEY THE BEARS!?!?

COV: What?

ME: MY IDOL! Let's take a photo with him! Smokey, get in the middle!

I handed Pajama the camera.

ME: Here's the camera. Thank you for the taking a photos of us, it means a lot.

PAJAMA: I'm confused...

ME: Just press the top button, the circle and then it clicks. Thank you so so much!

There we were, my friends and I with Smokey The Bear.

It was a glorious moment.

Here I was, a nineteen year old living my childhood fantasy. I, met Smokey The Bear, held his hand, and took a photo with him. I can't lie, I'm lucky.

--------------

This is where the confession ends. This is therapy.

Thank you for reading. Sincerely,

- Jonathan Gaurano

P.S. To read more Confessions you can always check out the 'Archive Page!' Enjoy!

Podcast Ep. 4| How My 11 Year Old Brother Deals With Racism

2011-02-03T00:46:00.000-08:00

Length: 9:02 minutes

Every once in a while I produce a Podcast

Today I sat here trying to write a profound commentary. Instead, I found myself replaying the conversation with my brother, multiple times. The thoughts of what took place in his school were not shocking to me, it was predictable. But yet again, plainly disheartening.

---
I do believe that this podcast provides an insight on the current racial climate that takes place in our schools, more importantly our elementary schools. Also, this podcast will show you the lack of responsibility, lack of accountability, and lack of awareness that head administrators hold when dealing with these racial issues.

If you have concerns, questions, suggestions, etc., please voice them in the comments' section below.

As always. Thank you for listening,

- Jonathan Gaurano
Right click here to download the MP3

Confessions: Soaked the bed...at 10 years old

2011-01-30T18:58:00.000-08:00

The animal above is called an elepanda! It's cuteness and overall presence has nothing to do with this confession...

Every once in a while I confess. No theories, just a personal story, a simple confession that has left a big impact on my life...

I was a privileged ten year old child sleeping inside a cozy twin size linen sheet while dreaming ten year old dreams. It was a pleasant sight as I was well snuggled in my long john bottom pajama pants with a matching top, beautiful. Simply, beautiful.

It was 5a.m and I was easing my way into my third REM cycle when suddenly I awoke.

It seems I soaked my body, my bed, my entire long john bottom pajama gear...with pee.

I WET MYSELF
---
I was cold. I was shivering.

My hair and pillow was wet.

My socks were sticky.

My shirt was drenched.

My bottom was completely saturated

I didn't want to move.

You know those situations where you're comfortably situated in your bed, your body has conformed itself in perfect harmony with your sheets and there is not a thing that can distract your happiness. It was basically the same premise. Or, I was just a lazy bastard with deep rooted psychological issues. Either way, I didn't want to move.

I MOVED ONCE

Believe it or not but urine itches. I had to change my clothing and get some newspapers. Even at the young age of 10, I knew that layers of newspaper paper was a strong enough substance to keep myself dry from my bedsheets.

I WENT BACK TO SLEEP

two hours later....

I AWOKE

Uh. Oh.

I WET THE BED AGAIN!!!

What the hell did I drink? This time however, I wasn't comfortable. The movement of my body had torn the newspaper into shreds and now they were spread throughout many directions on my bed.

Paper was in my hair.

My eye.

My ear.

My mouth.

EVERYWHERE

I now knew what it felt like to be homeless. Or, a 98 year old man living in an elderly care home facility whose entire family abandoned him because he was a bad man, a horrible husband, an abusive father, an absent uncle, and a shitty grandfather. The situation sucked.

It was 7am and I decided it was about time to fix my bed to start the day. I just covered everything up with my comforter. I didn't want anyone in my family to know that I was a bed wetter.

Why?

Because a year prior I took a poo on the floor, I missed the toilet by like a couple of inches. I was punished for a month, I couldn't leave the house for a MONTH!! AND I WAS HOME SCHOOLED!!!

NEVER HOME SCHOOL YOUR KIDS - WORST. IDEA. EVER.
---
As I was spooning droplets of 'Cinnamon Toast Crunch' in my mouth, really wondering if it was the taste I could see, I saw my fortune about to change.

A beat up compact car pulled up to my house, I couldn't believe my eyes, it was the cleaning ladies. Every month three women would arrive at our house to sweep, mop, and do all the crazy cleaning things we usually did on a weekly basis. I always thought it was a waste of money, but whatever, that day I couldn't be happier.

---
About an hour later I decided to take a 15 minute break from 'school' and wander around the house to analyze the progress of my room. Hoping it was clean.

Nonchalantly walking into my bedroom I was greeted with Maria's smile.

TIMING

There she was, holding my comforter, definitely not prepared for what lay in store.

She squeezed the comforter. Her smile began to slowly fade away - it turned from happiness to curiosity to confusion to -

WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!

Her eyes were like billiard balls and they were staring. directly. at me!!!!

Her gleam was so demonic, so fiery, so evil, so angry, so scary...

I TINKLED!!!!!

I used my pelvic muscle to stop the flow and BOLTED out of the room. Sweating profusely I started running to the nearest restroom. I wanted to hide myself, I wanted to cover my face, GOD JONATHAN!!! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ran for the stairs... which was just swept and mopped

I SLIPPED

SMACK! My head knocked backwards against the wood.

I don't remember seeing anything but blackness for 4 seconds, it was probably hell or limbo or nothing.

I awoke with one of the cleaners holding my head and my fragile body.

Cleaner: Okay? You Okay?

ME: I peed my pants...

Cleaner: Ew

She dropped me completely.

ME: ow...

---
LESSONS TO TAKE AWAY

Home Schooling is such a bad idea...

---------------

This is where the confession ends. This is therapy.

Thank you for reading. Sincerely,

- Jonathan Gaurano

P.S. To read more Confessions you can always check out the 'Archive Page!' Enjoy!

Post Grad #30| 6 Months in Review. Takeaways & Lesson After Graduation.

2011-01-28T00:01:00.000-08:00

It's been six months since the university's letter arrived in my e-mail account congratulating my current status as an Alum of their school. Six months of tears, disappointment, constant reflection, jealousy, recycled clothes, starvation, lack of financial funds, and zit scars from the stress! The stress to find that 'ideal' career opportunity.

Despite these downfalls I'm still surviving, most importantly my perspective on the realities of life have changed... for the better. I'm finally recovering from my own emotional deprecation and enjoying the fact that my face is beginning to clear (I would rather have the interviewee focus on me then on a zit purging from my face).

I'm entering into these next six months with less fear, increased hope, and the genuine belief that 'I'm going to be just fine.' And, I’m here to share with you the principle that has led me to these positive thoughts.

Remember, I'm not a psychologist or a history major, I'm just a Post Grad whose goal is to bring some perspective to your mind.

Let's get this party started.
---

Theory:

It's all about collaboration...

Collaboration:

Team work. Team building. Group Retreats. Cliques. Networks. Clubs. Fans.

It's all the same: a bunch of people working together for a cause. These people work together to get things done, they work together for support, they work together for motivation, they work together to find answers. They need each other and, it's a beautiful thing.

For example, the help from my fellow peers, my network, has improved my way of life. Through their guidance my cover letters are more focused, my resume is cleaner, and best of all, their criticisms on my weaknesses have boosted my motivation to succeed. It allows me to understand the adjustments and improvements I need to make as I get closer to that elusive ‘career opportunity.’

In addition, due to my current work ethic, peers are forwarding job opportunities in my direction. I am by far a very lucky, lucky person.

Question: Aren’t you just relying on your networks? Can’t you do anything on your own?

That’s the beauty of collaboration. They’re relying on you as much as you’re relying on them. The only way your fellow peers will have faith in you, or help you, is if they see that you’re maximzing your potential. This means that if you’re not practicing your skill, working extraneously to improve your skill, fixing your weaknesses, or understanding that it takes patience to obtain the successes you acquire - how then, can your peers be inspired to help you?

(No, your relatives don’t count as people who are willing to help you regardless of how lazy or unmotivated you act. It’s harder to lose a family member than a peer when you take rely of their resources.)

---
Conclusion:

Take notice. Regardless if it's peers, fans, groupies, clubs, - people are willing to push you towards your goal, make them see that you're capable!

One thing though, just don't let them down...

Podcast Ep. 3| My Brothers and Obnoxious Me

2011-01-26T00:01:00.000-08:00

Length: 10:22 minutes

Every once in a while I produce a Podcast

Today I decided to escort my brothers into a room where we had a discussion. I brought them in to ask them how they felt about my living situation at home.

I had a ton of fun podcasting with my brothers and one of them even sings at the end of the session!

I hope you enjoy this session! Thank you, as always, for your constant readership and support!

- Jonathan Gaurano

[Right Click to Download the Podcast]

Post Grad #29| 5 Ways to Keep Sane While Looking for a Job (...especially when living at home)

2011-01-21T00:01:00.000-08:00

When I'm not working at my part-time job, I'm here pulling my hair. I understand the expression is "pulling out" one's hair, not, "pulling"one's hair. However, I don't like pulling OUT my hair because I don't want to be perceived as a bald individual. I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE BALD!

What you see above is my work station, the place where I scream, stress, and invest hours upon hours of time researching job opportunities that fit my skill set. In addition, many a times it is considered to be my snack table or, jail cell.

Surprisingly, I've kept sane. I'm straight. I'm good. I'm refreshed.

How?

Well, I will now share with you the 5 ways I keep sane from my claustrophobic job search activities...

Theory:

You need to find a way to relax socially to really enjoy life and keep sane...

1. Chilling With Friends

Get out of the house!! I make an effort to call friends and collaborate 'play dates.' You don't always have to go to a club, a bar, or a place where alcoholic beverages are present to have fun! Sometimes it's cool just to chill and relax with your homies.

Cook a homemade meal, grab a glass of milk, and play board games. It's a great way to digress.

2. PARTAY!!!

Usually this is a 12 hour event, so plan ahead! It's best advised that your work be complete because if you're head hurts in the morning from the events of the night before, you're covered.

3. Volunteer your time with the ELDERLY

Only if they're cool.

Actually, make sure anyone you hang out with, regardless of age, is cool. This woman above is legit, she provides the capital C in CRAZY, CRAZY AWESOME!

4. Volunteer your time with the YOUNGINS

Young people always need INSPIRING role models in their lives.

5. Do something fun SOLELY with your family.

Aunt(s), uncle(s), grandparent(s), mother, father, cousin(s) and/or sibling(s) - if you're fortunate to have any of these relatives around, it's a perfect opportunity to 'grow' your relationship with these people before you move out of the area and start your own life!!

These are mere suggestions to help you keep sane while pursuing your career goals!!

Get out there and have some fun!!!

Good Luck! Thank you for reading,

- Jonathan Gaurano

P.S. You can also relax by reading the latest Confession! Enjoy!!

Confessions: The Mirror Situation

2011-01-16T22:45:00.000-08:00

Every once in a while I confess. No theories, just a personal story, a simple confession that has left a big impact on my life...

Bowles Hall. In my freshman year this castle or ‘Hogwarts’ (it’s nickname) was my residence. The building sat on the north side of the UC Berkeley campus covering itself in the shadows, hiding from the rest of the world.

It creaked, the walls were filled with mildew, the halls were filled with the noises of dead alumni, the showers and bathrooms were a homeless person’s worst nightmare, and the key ingredient to its beauty was that it was an all male dorm.

Girls? Nope. A year without the smell of Garnier Fructis or Dove soap bars.

And this place, is where I would find my best friend…

Grant.

---

Grant: FUCK YOU!

ME: No, fuck you!

Grant: I hate you!

ME: Well, I hate you!

Best friends fight.

Grant: You’re an asshole!

ME: I know. What’s new? Blah Blah

Grant: Yada Yada YADA!

Soulmates throw tantrums.

ME: I hope you fall down some stairs and really hurt yourself

Grant: So you can pity me? Don’t pity me!?

ME: I would laugh and then snicker and then push you again! You piece of shit.

Grant: Just die you mother fucker.

Bromances are cut throat.

The arguments usually fell between our views on religion, politics, and race. That day, we were discussing the outcome of a fight between a ninja and a rhino. Grant's conservativeness compelled him to choose the rhino, what an idiot. It is common knowledge that a ninja would destroy a rhino in almost any battlefield, but that explanation is for another time…

---

Grant: NINJAS CAN’T LEAP THAT FAR! Just get away from me right now, I can’t stand you.

ME: YES THEY CAN! Don’t you run away from me! Come back here!

He turned his back and walked toward the bedroom door.

PAUSE

Bowles Hall's dorm rooms were quite big as it housed four people, comfortably. The room was divided into three sections: on either side of the room was a separate area for the bunk beds, it was secure and safe as it was closed off by its own door and given a spacious closet to keep our things.

In the middle of these two bedrooms was a study lounge. Even though four study desks compacted the area it still left enough space for three built-in hammocks (we actually did this) to be conjoined in the room.

BACK

ME: Come back Grant!

Grant: No.

It was aggravating because now he provoked me from the top bunk. I'm not that tall to reach that far, what a little five year-old kid.

Grant: I’m telling you Rhinos can kick a Ninja’s Ass…anywhere and any day.

ME: Shut up, I thought you were done…

Grant: A Rhino can destroy a Ninja!!!

ME: NO THEY CANNOT!

ANGER MANAGEMENT

I bolted into the room, my hand ready to grab Grant's undershirt in hopes to drag him out of bed.

It all happened all at once.

I grabbed for his shirt - like a ninja he grabbed his towel and snapped it towards my face - acting quickly I opened the closet door to defend my precious face.

SMAAAACKKKK

The towel didn't just flick the mirror, it punched the mirror.

Its force shook the mirror's weak screws from it's hinges...

It tipped.

And, tipped.

TIPPED

Grant: CATCH IT JONATHANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

SSSSSHH

The glass shard screamed two things: i) seven years bad luck and ii) $650.00 fee.

Grant: NOOOOO! HOW ARE WE GOING TO FIX THIS!?! They'll [other roommates] be back any moment! GOD. DAMNIT.

PAUSE

Two weeks prior a baseball broke our window sill and we were left with a $90.00 dollar bill for repair.

BACK

In the great spirit of thinking fast, I thought fast.

ME: I have an idea...

I pulled out my tool kit from underneath my bed and took out a screwdriver that matched the head of the screws on the floor.

ME: Grant, give me fifteen minutes. When I come back I want this room tidy.

The closet mirrors matched the mirror's in the bathroom, so of course, the logical thing was steal a bathroom mirror.
---

Our front door echoed loudly throughout the third floor hallway. I peaked left, I PEAKED RIGHT.

Clear.

I wasn't going to go into our bathroom floor, I wanted to steal it as far away from our room as possible.

SIXTH FLOOR

There was no one in a two hundred yard radius, I was a ninja, leaping from floor to floor in silence.

BATHROOM

It smelled abandoned because it actually smelled good, like an Irish Springs soap bar.

I didn't waste time.

There were three bathroom mirrors conjoined with a sink, I picked the first on the edge and started unscrewing.

ONE SCREW

TWO SCREW

THIRD SCREW

LAST SCREW!!!

YESSSSSSSSSS

My hands gripped the side of the mirror and they in turn felt its hard slab calling my name. This was it, it was destiny.

.....

I pulled the mirror out of its hinges when suddenly, the bathroom door SWUNG open!!

Acting quickly I shoved the mirror back into place, turned on the faucet and started washing my face.

Washing. My. Face.

Intruder: Hey Jonathan, what's up?

I turned my head slightly and glanced at this man, a man who was foreign to my typical social circle.

Was he a friend? Was he a tattle tale? Was he an asshole? All things I was considering, however, I had to decide soon because my left arm was trembling from the weight of the mirror that I was pushing against the wall.

ME: I'm good

Intruder: Don't you live on the third floor?

ME: All the other bathroom floors are full.

There he stood, brushing he teeth, flossing for like five minutes, combing his hair, clipping his nails, like who was this guy? My arm was in pain, how inconsiderate.

The mirror was slipping, my arm was cramping, and my face could only be washed so many times in a few minutes. I was wasting water and needed help, fast.

RECOLLECTION

It was a miracle, his named popped into my head like a coke bottle.

ME: Ryan...Ryan?!?

Ryan: What's up?

Life is a gamble, high risk high reward.

ME: Ryan, I'm about to do something.

Ryan: Okay?

ME: Listen, whatever I'm about to do, you have to promise me, promise me you won't say anything.

Ryan: Okay.

ME: Ryan! I want more than Okay! I want like I'm sacrificing my first born son type answer.

Ryan: I don't have a first born -

ME: Listen, just listen. Promise me you won't say a thing.

Ryan: Yes. I promise.

I grabbed the mirror into my body and then bounced.

BOUNCED TO THE HIZZOUSE
---

ME: Look what I got!!!

Grant: You're so lucky. No one spotted you?

ME: Don't worry no one will say anything, I was like a ninja!

Grant: I hate you.

ME: No, you love me.

Grant: You're right. I love you.

ME: I know.

TWO WEEKS LATER

Bowles monthly newsletter arrived inside our dorm and the front cover read:

"Be Cautious. Watch out for suspicious visitors as there have recently been thefts of bikes, laptops, and bathroom mirrors..."

---------------

This is where the confession ends. This is therapy.

Thank you for reading. Sincerely,

- Jonathan Gaurano

P.S. To read more Confessions you can always check out the 'Archive Page!' Enjoy!

Post Grad #28| REJECTION. NOOOO!!!! COMPUTER CRASHED!

2011-01-13T00:01:00.000-08:00

Today hurts.

As I was conjuring up another blog post, as I was organizing the photos for the post, as I was rubbing Aveeno Lotion on my hands so that the typing could be less sticky, my computer crashed.

180 gigabytes worth of memories all gone, dissolved, trapped with that blue frozen screen of death.

It seems murphy's law, the adage that 'anything that can go wrong, will go wrong,' haunts my life. I'm pissed off because here I am, Jonathan Gaurano, reorganizing my life in such a fashion to where I finally had a set blogpost schedule and, of course, this happens!

My old-college self would let this anger seep out through my veins and I'd usually initiate a biting spree on the delicate skin of my little brother. However, I'm a graduate and I deal with these tiny disasters differently than before.

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Theory:

The only way to be and act calm during unexpected strenuous times is to have previously been rejected by life, multiple times...

Rejection covers a whole range of situations: i) getting turned down by hundreds of salary based opportunities, ii) given the run around by a top profile firm, iii) losing $20,000 in three days...these are all things I would consider to be in the realm of 'rejection.'

And, I think everyone should experience these type of situations because rejection, yes rejection is a wonderful thing.

You may get flamed by your boss because he thinks you're an idiot...

You may cry for hours on end because the school kids call you a pants wetter...

You may see your childhood photographic memories disappear as a virus eats away at your hard drive...

You may get pushed aside by every college university you apply too...

You may be told that you are under-qualified to be hired as a babysitter...

It's all worth it...

Question: Why rejection worth it?

Answer: It'll give you experience to how you can deal with rejection in the future!

Question: Wait, so that's it?

Answer: Yep. It's common sense.

Question: ....

See you quite soon! Time to figure out a way to reboot the hard-drive on my lappy.

As always, thank you for reading (:

Post Grad #27| Naked Laundry Day!

2011-01-12T00:01:00.000-08:00

Today I did laundry.

As a post grad on a really tight financial budget it seems laundry is no longer considered 'laundry day.' Rather, I consider it to be called NAKED laundry day. Those clothes you see above is everything I own at this current moment.

It's economically unethical to fill up the washer with only a few of my clothes in the machine. Efficiency is something I strive for, thus it is my god forsaken responsibility to take off all my clothes and stand naked as I wait for my laundry to dry.

If you continue, there might be a chance that you'll see a naked picture of Jonathan Gaurano soon to splash in your face...

But first, I would like to briefly show you the living situation of a post grad who lives from couch to couch to couch. Thankfully, I'm fortunate to have a large luggage to fit all my things...
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Theory:

Invest in a huge luggage to store all your things...

Traveling from destination to destination requires you to compact your life in an easy organized compartment. Hence, FIND A SUITABLE luggage to store your things!

It's helped my life immensely, I pray that a fire doesn't brew near or around my luggage because I would cry. My life is in the hands of that little case and, and if it is torched... just the thought brings a tear down my cheek.

I must now throw my clothes in the dryer! Chow!

Question: Woah Woah! What about your nakedness?

Answer: Not yet, one day. I promise.

Question: Tease...

Post Grad #26| Job Interviews. Break You.

2011-01-11T00:32:00.000-08:00

Take a real close look at this picture, what do you see? Empty pockets.

That's right, I'M BROKE! Not really. But, kinda sorta really. These past five months have been financially taxing on my lifestyle. Unfortunately, I am NOT spending my money on high-quality food, new clothes, and other luxurious items. I'm broke (kinda sorta really) because of those damn interviews.

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Theory:

Make an interview money savings fund...

I'm an idiot. I didn't take the appropriate time in college to set up an 'interview' fund, and now I'm paying the price. No, I wasn't trying to use a pun, stop it.

My interview fund focuses but of one primary expense...transportation.

Imagine being called in for a job interview, which happens to be 400 miles away from your current location. You hop into an airplane, put on your suit, and you're able to impress the interviewers. The interviewers tell you that 'you're a good fit for the company.' However, they want to make sure that their supervisors think the same. So, they ask you to meet these supervisors in four different branches, which all happen to be within a radius of 70 miles.

You locate a bus station, then you finagle your body onto a subway, then you transfer onto a train...you do this multiple times throughout the next five months and it financially adds up to a number that can cut your bank account number close to zero.

I don't know about you, but seeing zero in my bank account...sucks.

I guess the old adage stays true: save your money because it takes money to get hired.