I spent the last 30 minutes grocery shopping with my partner at Trader Joes. We’re a cooking couple and she buys so many absurd healthy things that when I eat her food my bowel movements become very solid – blissful events: not too soft, not too hard, and not so abundant. Perfection.
As we were shopping around I noticed that we both called each other “Honey.” “Honey can you hand me the almond butter.” “Honey could you help me with this.” “Honey blah blah.” You get the idea. I’m observing the syntax of our verbal exchange when I remember something that my friend says to his partner.
Me: Honey, did you know that XXXX calls his girlfriend Dude.
Her: Okay. So?
Me: Well, don’t you think that’s offensive? I would never call you Dude.
Her: I wouldn’t be offended. It’s just a word.
Me: But the word “Dude” represents friendship, connotes Friendzone. When I say to a girl, “what up DUDE?” I’m automatically putting her in the Friendzone.
Her: That’s your opinion. But there’s nothing saying that you’re putting someone into the friendzone if you call them Dude. It’s just a word. I don’t feel like we’re discussing, I feel like we’re debating.
After a few more minutes of scuffling…
Her: We’re going nowhere. Let’s drop it.
Me: Alright, but I’m going to write this on my blog.
Why The Word “DUDE” Should NOT Be Used on Your Partner
The word Dude is universally known to connote friendship. It’s not just a word. Like when someone calls me chink – I do not care who said it or the intent from which it came from – when someone calls me chink, I automatically think that this person is negatively categorizing me as an Asian Fob personified from a racist point of view.
Granted the repercussions are different because I know if it comes from a friend – it’s a place where he’s joking or being friendly. If it’s a random person, then they’re being a little f*cker. Regardless who said the word, chink is and will always be universally known to connote something racially negative. Therefore, like every word that connotes a specific definition of sorts – “Dude” is known for friendship.
It’s a word most generally used by men who say it to other men. And, due to our changing times, the word is evolving where women are now being thrown into this “dude” mix. (If you want to be more technical and politically correct, then the formal term is actually “dudette.”).
Whatever the version, the word DUDE means friendship. Here is why:
i) I want you to say the word out loud. DOOOOOD – AH. Again, DOOOOOOOD- AH. The word sounds coarse, even a little fratty, and not even close to sexual. NOT SEXUAL AT ALL. Do you really want to hear your lover say in bed, “DUDE – that feels so good right there. DUDE – do that again!”
ii) Again, would you ever say Dude in bed? No.
iii) Would you EVER say the word DUDE in bed? NO.
You wouldn’t say it in bed because it just doesn’t sound right. Doesn’t sound sexy. Your lover is more than just a simple friend, your lover is your… your lover. I’m with my partner not only for friendship and love, I’m also with her for actions that relate to having kids. Again, she’s not some dude.
Differentiating Words That you Call Your Friends vs. Lovers
Lastly, in an age where straight men are now becoming friends with straight women and vica versa, how can one publicly differentiate a friend versus a mate to others? Here’s an example, an example which I’ll pull from my partner and I’s conversation earlier:
Me: Honey, imagine we are at a party when I start talking to a girl. She’s kind of cute and we’re hitting it off – when suddenly you walk by and I say, ‘Hey Dude. I want you to meet this girl…’ Am I not just basically making it very clear that you are NOT my girlfriend and now telling the other girl that I’m readily open for business?
See, you need to differentiate words you say to your partner that you’ll never ever say to any of your friends. The word “Dude” represents friendship, so use it on your friends. The words, “Honey” “Baby” “Sexy Octopus Lover” – all represents that you two are more than friends. So, use those words on your partner.
I’m going to say straight out, when it comes to my partner, I’m for sure never ever calling her Dude.
It’s late. I’ve been writing almost everyday for some reason.
Just food for thought. What do you think?