Recently I read an article by Daniel Negreanu, a world-renowned poker professional, who through his analysis of critiquing another poker player’s view on the game said,
“Truth is, most of you reading this, will be lifetime losers at poker. You are unlikely to become successful professional poker players. It is available to all of you, and some of you will find success at the tables, but the truth is clear: most of you will fail. Sucks huh?”
Either it’s because I’m listening to alternative emotional rock music or my meds are not kicking in correctly, but I really resonate with that paragraph. The idea to hear a top poker professional tell the world that most of us… or in this case reminding me – that I AM NOT or will ever be a winning player – floored me in a position where I don’t want to gamble anymore. Why? because he’s fucking right.
I have / had this weird psychological fucked-up mindset where I could be a winning player in poker. I’m going to be honest, as I’ve said many times before – I’m not a winning play in poker.
I have an addictive gambling personality that I will keep playing for hours upon days upon weeks until I lose everything. I’ve said this before but gambling has ruined a big portion of my life.
I feel like crying. In fact I have cried about this already but I wish I never ever took up cards. It’s not even about the money, it’s just about the time of my life that I gave away in the process of playing cards. Anyway, I’m not here to repeat what I said in my gambling article. I want to tell you that “not everyone is a winner.” No matter how far you come, no matter how hard you work, no matter what you do… many times (sometimes) you just won’t win.
Here we go…
Not Everyone Is A Winner
I want to take this concept of “winning” and put it into the context of the “dream job.” This can be a range of things from becoming a VP of Business Development of a startup, a top actor in hollywood, to (in my case) a successful viral YouTuber / Writer. So, I’m critiquing the everyone cannot be winners in the “dream thing” they’re pursuing.
Call it the way of life but for every winner you have a loser. But, let’s not look at this as a negative, rather, let’s look at this in a positive where just because you’re a loser at one thing doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a loser at everything. There is always “one thing” that you’re all good at and the fact of the matter is – you need to figure out what that skill / talent is and do everything you can to be a winner at that.
For example, I’m learning day in and day out that I’m not necessarily a winner when it comes to building the stats on this blog or becoming a successful YouTube star: (when it comes to writing especially) but I already have it in my head that my talent / my weakness / is the fact that I am not talented enough to pursue a career as a YouTube personality… in the pseudo “real life” genre (non skit / non narration form). But, I’m stubborn and I’m thinking maybe I need to try a different niche on YouTube?
So, it’s either I look in a different direction or I spend my time FOCUSING on the winning traits I currently have. For example, I keep getting emails from editors at ThoughtCatalog and readers who read my pieces from that site – to keep writing. This is an evidential sign that I’m doing well on ThoughtCatalog (also the numbers don’t lie there) and I should be focusing on writing better pieces for the site: claim the place where you win.
It is in this win that will bring me to other wins with my other projects: wins just breed other wins.
Another win I have is behind the media side of things and into the career realm. In the suit and tie career world I’m really good at managing the internal side of companies. For the past few months I’ve been able to manage and re-organize a company that was unable to find a proper system for their internship program, their manufacturing side, and other related internal infrastructure problems – correctly: basically, I was called in to take care of optimizing their internal operations and their infrastructure.
For the last 3 1/2 months I’ve been working for free and through this time their internship program is booming successfully: interns are working and creating substantial products to help the company grow. This is because I’ve brought the right type of motivation and the right type of educational mentorship: 2 amazing hardware engineers, 1 social media coordinator, and 1 computer coding genius who I manage and who are creating AMAZING products for the company.
Also, when it comes to their internal infrastructure, I’ve been able to layout a plan for their managers / daily workers to follow and now everything is being built, shipped, and sent out to their customers on time.
There is still a lot of work to be done because though the internal side is doing well, the company only has 1,300 paying customers and if we need to bring in more numbers before the end of the year. I’m worrying about branding and about growth.
It’s stressful because the company is talking to a few Venture Capitalist (the company is a startup) and if we can bring the revenue to a certain evaluation (basically double of what it’s currently making, which is around 25k a month, so 50k a month) by November then the company gets funding… in a big way.
I’m good at what I do but I’m honestly more passionate about my writing and my other side hobbies. But, let’s face it, I’m a winner at what I’m doing now so I’ve decided to take on an active role at this company (COO or Head of BD or CEO). I’ll be getting equity in the company and once I double the revenue, I’ll finally be paying myself a salary.
But it sucks.
I know anyone would love to be in the position I am in… call me ungrateful but I won’t be truly happy because my heart lies in the creative side of this world (for example, YouTube & Writing). So, now I am here, accepting this new position at this company and I’m emotionally down. Am I being a pretentious prick? I don’t think so because I’m just letting you know the dilemma and the discipline it takes to give up the things you WANT and FOCUS on what you’re good at.
It’s weird because sometimes what you’re good at means you’re going to be giving up “your ideal dream state winning achievement.” It’s life and it’s something I’m trying to accept.
Where Does One Go From Here?
It’s pretty simple really. I work really hard on this company and grow it to the best of my ability. However, if I really cared about my creative side – it is up to me to find the winning formula THAT WORKS FOR ME in the creative aspect of my life. This means I’ll still be writing on Thought Catalog (and working on YouTube)
I won’t be sleeping. I don’t give a shit. I’m stubborn. Eh.
My blog. I’m going to keep writing and hope that the ThoughtCatalog success will bring people here. Yes, don’t worry, I’m not going to stop writing here. I’m more honest on this blog than I am on ThoughtCatalog. And, as for YouTube? I’m going to keep going but I’m going to experiment with films that are different from what I’m doing now… remember if what you’re doing isn’t winning then you need to tweak things to make it winning.
It may seem like I’m bragging about my opportunities. But, I don’t think I’m bragging because I’m telling you the hard choices I’m dealing with when it comes to the opportunities thrown at my face. I hope my struggles resonate with you as well and it helps you with your own decisions. It’s the struggle to be disciplined enough to know that what I’m good at doesn’t necessarily mean it’s something I want to do for the rest of my life. And, the understanding that what I want to do for the rest of my life doesn’t mean I’m good at it.
So the challenge becomes “how can I use my strengths and my wins to transition to what I want to do?”
I think this is something we all need to think about as we go through life.
Thanks for listening.
Talk to you soon.