My Addiction To The Internet

Before my addiction to the world of the internet, I used to be a writer. I used to read a book every week, I used to challenge my brain to imagine a world I’ve yet to travel, I used to have notebooks keeping my thoughts safe in pen, I used to be able to escape into a thousand different lives every single year.

It’s different now.

Before my addiction to the world of the internet, I used to explore without needing to document it on video, without the urge to take a picture, without care if anyone knew what I was doing… I was more excited about the “doing part” and knowing that in future years, the story could only be known when the people who were there would be willing to tell the story over a campfire.

Times have changed for me…

Currently, I find it harder and harder to finish a book, hell I have a difficult time even trying to finish a chapter of a book. My reading consists of emails and newsletters, so the only new information comes from headlines. It’s sad really because when I do read some portion of a book, my brain ignites reminding me that there is still something going on up there.

When I am involved in an activity, there is often a sense of regret when it isn’t documented. Why didn’t I film it? Why didn’t I place the camera at that angle? Why did I not record it? And, if I did… “why did I not publish it?” I struggle with this because many of my regrets come from the fact that I do not have photos or videos of myself in many of the adventures I’ve had…

I don’t know where I’m going with this, but this piece  I’m currently writing is evolving into a thought which I’ll mention at the end of this… 

Currently, my writing consists of emails, flashy google-doc proposals, commercial script treatments, Facebook ad copy, and catchy Instagram captions. I’m not going to lie, I love the things my words are able to create for what I do for a living. However, many times it lacks depth. There is a big difference between a catchy tagline or commercial, that gets a consumer to go “I want to buy that…” or “that was an amazing commercial” to someone going “Woah. Fuck… this moved me. I need to read [or watch] this again.”

Being in this world of YouTube, influencer marketing, social media, DTC video ads for the last eight years… basically creating internet consumption for the masses, has desensitized me in a way where all I think about is what can I put on a virtual screen. It doesn’t give me ample time to be in the present, because internet consumption doesn’t wait for anyone.

There is no pause button, there is just movement.

There’s a new ad style I should take a look at…

There’s a video that’s going viral I should study…

There’s a new creator who is garnering attention…

There’s a thread that must be retweeted…

There’s a headline that must be talked about…

There’s a text I must-read…

There’s a DM I should open…

And, what’s strange is that it’s taught me that silence is discomforting.

Silence is bad.

Silence is anxiety-inducing.

If I’m unable to get a dopamine kick from something I consume from a screen, I fall into the void of something darker than emptiness, darker than loneliness. This can lead to depression or just convincing myself that life is meaningless when it isn’t… because when you explore the world, you’ll see that there is so much meaning if you just stop consuming.

You know how I mentioned above how “this piece  I’m currently writing is evolving into a thought…” This is what I’m realizing at this moment. I think it’s time I consume less. And, more importantly, I should make more while making sure that I am the center of what I’m making.

I think I’m understanding it now because what’s happening is I’m so focused on directing and creating from the behind the camera, that I end up having a sense of regret because my documented memories are slowly becoming other people’s actions. This means more selfies, more vlogs, more content coming from me BUT not for the sole purpose to be consumed.

I should be wanting to create something and publishing it to the world NOT for the likes or the views. The goal is to document, because years from now when I’m older than what I am now, I want to make sure that I have something to look back at… and smile. Then, once I get in the habit of just creating and publishing, then I’ll worry about making these stories easily consumable (like I do with my clients).

Because stories that are consumed can be profitable. And, as Walt Disney says, “we don’t make movies to make money, we make money to make more movies” Therefore in my case, if I want to have the time to create and publish my stories then I need to make money so I can just focus on creating the stories I find important.

I don’t know what this blogpost has led to… but what I do know is that I finally wrote something and god-damnit it feels good.

Thanks for listening
2:43 am
In my garage slash bedroom – Venice, CA

Post / Read Comments
×

Comments