Fade to 4:39am and this ambiguous structure of words that need to be stretched out, stripped out, and then torn out to extrapolate the pain floating in my head.
Who knew laying in bed since 9pm would make 4:39am so deadly? To be awake, to be energized, but then to be surrounded by inactivity or the inability to be active, is destructive.
It is in 4am – I can’t do anything.
So, I think. Thinking is dangerous.
Dramatically. I’m thinking of her.
I thought I was thinking of her because I wanted to see if there was a way to win her back. I know getting back together would be detrimental to both our happiness right now. But, what I do know is that I have a few images I’m unable to fight back. Images of her.
Here are a few memories I’ll never be able to let go:
I was watching a Buzzfeed Short about unhealthy relationships and I couldn’t help but to think of my relationship with my ex. For reference, here is the link to the video and I suggest you watch it because it’s powerful:
A few days ago, I received a different type of letter. This student had an inquiry about the fears of rejection & how to accept rejection. It couldn’t come at a better time as schools and colleges have just begun circulating blank check template and (b/c I’m going through a failed project at the moment) & thought it would be best to write my response through a post.
Letter from The Wonderful Student in Florence:
Kathryn – this blogpost is for you! Alright, let’s start this thing!
“Jonathan, working full-time here means you cannot work on any of your side projects. You can no longer uber, you can no longer do YouTube, you can no longer work on anything else but PlayTable.”
I sat there listening to my friend’s words and my heart sank. I’ve known him since 2009, been working with him on many projects since 2011, and since late 2014, started the journey of working on this new project that led me from LA to the Bay Area. This current project is called, PlayTable.xyz. It’s an all-in-one board game console, which can play every single board & card game in the world: we’re creating the soul for board & card games everywhere.
“As a friend, I understand your situation. But, as the CEO of this company I need you here all the time.” I replied asking if I could get one day off to work on my side projects. “No. Jonathan, we’re crowdsourcing in 5 months. I need you here.”
He gave me a weekend to think about my decision. I sent him an e-mail last Monday and apologized. Yes, I decided to not work with PlayTable in the capacity expected of me, and I’ll tell you why I made the decision…
This was Grant’s response to my complaint about how my 16 year old brother was moving faster than I was in his film career. “Jonathan, your brother is lucky to have you and also lucky to have the resources he does to move faster.”
He then continued… “It was like when I helped my friend with his business school applications and now telling him what to expect when he starts.” He explained how it would’ve been nice to have someone guide him as it would have made the entire process easier. “I felt like Daniel Boone cutting through the forest.”
This is something I used to always say to myself. However, having someone who I respect, someone who I deem as successful as well, and someone who is one of the hardest working individuals I know say it to my face, brought a different perspective altogether.