You’re shaking, anxious, and your bladder is giving you false signals that you have to pee. It’s time for something you’ve been preparing yourself for: the first date with a girl you’ve been talking with for a few days. You meet up, you give her a hug, and now you’re just… staring at each other.
This silent interaction can even go further while driving to your destination, on the thirty minute bus ride, or even during your dinner. It’s in these types of situations that you find yourself looking around the room trying to force some sort of conversation:
You: Nice sweater.
One Word Answers
It’s not a good sign if she’s answering your questions with one word phrases, especially on a first date. The reason is because if a girl is truly interested in you, she’ll be curious enough to share her experiences and/or interact with your input. However there could be various reasons to why she’s not interacting with you all that much. So before you throw her out of your car, here are some tips to help you avoid any silences or one word answers on her end.
How To Avoid Silences
Ask Open Ended Questions
Open ended questions are great conversations starters because her answer is not dictated by a yes or a no. Basically, when it comes to her answer the possibilities are endless. The importance of an open ended question is not just to get her talking, but also gives you a chance to see if she’s relatable to you: if she’s cool.
Use Distractions as Conversation Openers
A distraction can be anything from background music to a little kid tripping on its shoelaces and falling forward into the ground. You can use these distractions to help you transition into a more organic open ended questions. For example:
You: Have you heard this song before? I love it.
Her: No, not really.
You: It’s called *Song Name* by *Artist Name* what type of music do you listen to?
Tell Her a Story & Make Her Participate
This is more of a reactive move than it is you taking the lead. To clarify, this move works best AFTER she asks you any question. What you want to do is before you go on the date, reflect on the things that have happened and the passions in your life. This can range from emotional events when you were five to how you’re really into peanut butter (on your balls).The point is, if she asked you a question about any belief or experience you had in your life, you at least have a story to relate to her question.
Now, because you don’t want to be talking all alone in a car, you make her participate with your story. To make her participate all you need to do is to pause throughout your story and ask her if she wants you to continue. For example,
Her: Do you have any siblings?
You: I actually have 19. You want to hear how I was born?
Her: Yes. That sounds interesting.
You: Well… *story & talking for a good 2 minutes* – before I go on, what do you think?
Her: You’re crazy. I can relate, I’ll tell you after you finish with yours…
Remember, the point of story telling is to get her interested and make her engaged. However, if you don’t pause and get a feel of what she’s thinking or if she’s relating to you, then what will happen when you’re done telling the story is… SILENCE. Many guys forget the “make her participate” part.
Also, it shows her that you CARE whether or not she’s listening. A lot of guys will jut blabber on about themselves without noticing if the girl’s actually engaged in the conversation.
So, practice on your story telling abilities but don’t forget to gauge her engagement.
Make an Assumption about Her & Wait for Her Reaction
Who says you have to always be asking questions to break silence? One of my favorite things to do on a first date is to assume something about her and tell her my thoughts. Who cares if your assumption is right or wrong, the point of this move is to get her to react. This reaction can be a great platform to gain traction for a great conversation.
You: You seem like you’re an adopted child.
Her: Did you not see my parents?!? We look exactly alike! Wait, were you adopted?
You: Actually, there is a story behind my conception…
Then, the conversation continues without hesitation. It’s a fun move because it makes it fun reacting to her reaction(s). It can get crazy, but as I’ll repeat, it’s fun.
Be Straight Forward
The easiest way to get to know someone is to be straight forward. If nothing is working and you really want to have a flowing conversation in the hopes of getting to know her better; being straight forward is the way to go. For example,
You: Listen, I’m on this date because I want to get to know you. Tell me something that makes you really cool.
Being straight forward means you’re putting the girl on the spot. So be patient, playful, and calm. The last thing you want is her to feel like that if she doesn’t talk to you, you’re going to drop her off in the middle of a stranded parking lot.
Key Components To Remember:
On a first date, the conversation should always be 50/50. If you ever feel like you’re talking more or she is as well, then it’s crucial to either change topics or to slow down your (her) mouth for a few minutes. It’s not a lecture, it’s a conversation. And, the only way you’ll be able to do this correctly is by LISTENING to yourself and to her throughout the night.
You don’t want to be rambling by talking about nonsense. Nor do you want to space out when she’s talking: how else are you supposed to react to her if you have no idea what she’s talking about? Listening is a big part of communication.
Remember, just because you do all the right things by being yourself doesn’t mean you’ll have a fruitful conversation. There are going to be dates where the girl won’t say anything no matter what you do; who cares, she’s not worth your time, move on.
There’s a TON of girls out there.
I wrote this article when I was still managing Simple Pickup.