It’s really hard to figure out a way to make something right.
Before I start with this whole piece, I’m going to say that I’ve made a ton of mistakes in my life. I’m talking about errors and mistakes, intentional or unintentional, that have led to me burning bridges with important people or “people close to me” – in my life.
Important people are people I care for, while people close to me are usually the ones who are not necessarily on the top of my “caring” list but have some stake in my life (e.g., co-workers and subsections of different family members).
Let’s continue where we started – it’s really hard to figure out a way to make something right. The idea that you can suddenly say a few words or do a quick action to absolve your sins is something of a magical miracle.
I also want to make it clear that this article is going to be focusing on “making things right” with people you are or once were somehow close with you. As in, these people were never your opponents to begin with… usually people who you trusted as they trusted you as well.
Alright. Let’s begin.
I will tell you first hand that to make something right takes time. I’m talking LOTS OF TIME. I’ve been on the fortunate side when a few of my mishaps were resolved over a few weeks, while others took years.
Regardless if it’s weeks, months, years, they all feel the same. No matter what happens forward, that thought of you what did prior will always linger around in both of your heads forever.
Talk It Out
Talking it out is one of the best ways to make things right. Though you may never resolve the actual differences you have, at least you had your time to speak to each other about the issues at hand. Something upset you? Or, you upset someone and you know you’ve done so? Talk to them.
If they don’t want to talk to you, then you have to wait (this goes back to time).
Speaking out is freedom. When you pour out your heart, and if you’re genuine about what you’re saying, then the words you project will make you feel better. The main idea IS TO NOT want anything return.
This is an idea I’ve struggled with for a very, very long time. For example, there was an incident that led to a friend and I falling out. I always expected that if we talked it out civilly that slowly, through time, we would go back to our old routine.
It took time but we did end up talking, for a bit. There were also angry emails said back and forth. And embarrassingly, I have had thrown a frustrated fit at a special event… how immature.
To this day we’re not the same or will I ever expect us to hang out in a group, on purpose, ever again. (It sucks because it’s a really complicated situation).
Right now, when we’re around each other, there is an obvious push between us: (e.g., recollections of suddenly getting out of frame when someone would take a picture of us in a group or just obviously silently ignoring us when we were around… we can be juvenile).
The idea is just to talk for the sake of talking. Leaving everything under the rug will just burn right through your soul.
Before I spoke to my friend (above) about everything that was on my mind and the concerns regarding the future of our relationships and how it would affect everyone around us… I had a very difficult time being around him. I was unable to live in peace because I could feel his disdain and anger over me. It’s different now.
I live more carefree and with more of a smile when he’s around than before. I said what I needed to say and since I don’t expect anything on his end, unless he has something to say and I will be open to hear, I’m just happy.
Act It Out
Acting is how you treat the person when you’re away from them and when you’re with them. Be cordial, be peaceful, be nice, and be welcoming. When they’re away – do everything in your power not to say anything awful or hurtful. There is no need to talk horrible things about them unless you think it’s absolutely necessary. But, do your best to stray away from bad mouthing… especially if you want to make it right between you two.
I do not regret many of the things I’ve said or done to create the (necessary) riffs to shake a situation or someone’s thought. I do regret how I executed some of the methods I used that led to the destruction of the stable relationship(s) I once had with those certain people in my life.
I think the easiest way to make things right is to do everything in your power not to dwell on your regrets. You want to make your head free to think and be open for other future important things that require more mental energy.
This isn’t a formula to get you to a place where you’ll be able to absolve your sins from anyone you wrong. These are just a few things that can help you move forward and make things right. Of course the best way to make something right is by not doing anything wrong in the first place.
Lastly, I just want to make sure you understand that no matter how hard you’ll try to make things right, that nothing will ever be the same again. There are consequences for everything and the consequence in your case – is the memory of your misstep.
Know it. Own up to it.
Do and say what you can.
Move Forward. Learn from it.
Don’t do it again.
Alright, next time we’ll talk about ego. Till then, thanks for reading.